DURING A CRUCIAL ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION WITH THE EXECUTIVE TEAM OF THE SEPHARDIC DIVISION OF CHAIM MEDICAL, RABBI DAVID M. HABER EXPLORED THE ALL-ENCOMPASSING SCOPE OF THE ORGANIZATION, AS WELL AS THE TREMENDOUS LOVE AND CARE THAT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TRANSFORMATIVE IMPACT OF THEIR LIFE-CHANGING ENDEAVORS.

The Panelists
Co-founder & Senior Case Manager Nathan Hoffman,
Co-founder & Senior Case Manager Ezra Zaafarani,
President Abe Sutton, and Vice President Norman Jemal

Rabbi David Haber (RH): The medical world is frequently misunderstood, particularly post-Covid, which is why Chaim Medical is so important. In its simplest form, what is Chaim Medical?

Nathan Hoffman (NH): An experienced team who are dedicated towards helping people overcome medical challenges. In a nutshell, this encompasses an organization of over 60 people who specialize in separate areas of medicine to support patients.
Ezra Zaafarani (EZ): Medicine is so much more complex than it was 10-20 years ago. That’s why the help we offer is mainly educational.

Abe Sutton (AS): Chaim Medical also provides access to information they wouldn’t otherwise have access to.

NH: It’s where to find the best doctor, the best hospital, what kind of questions to ask, how to prepare for an appointment…

(RH): So, the average person who goes to the hospital, myself included, barely understands the technicalities of what is really happening. How does Chaim Medical change that?

EZ: I think people are surprised to hear the different questions we ask but in many cases, it’s something mentioned during intake that proves crucial to the case.

NH: It often starts when somebody suspects they’re not feeling well and they don’t know where to begin. They call Chaim Medical and now they feel, wow, I’ve got somebody in my corner. I can rely on them to help me through it.

AS: Most of the time, patients grant us access to their medical portal, which allows our well-trained medical coordinators to look into their case.

RH: So what does the intake process look like?

EZ: Every patient is asked a sequence of detailed questions, which helps us categorize the case and ascertain its level of urgency. Next, they are assigned a case manager, an assistant case manager and a medical coordinator. Every patient has three people constantly monitoring their case.

NH: They have an army behind them and they feel it. Just this week we had a challenge where tissue slides needed to be sent from one NYC hospital to another and the family was calling the hospital relentlessly, without success. You can imagine what the family was going through! Then one of our team members stepped in and said: ‘I’ll take care of it. And it was transferred that very day.’ Now this patient will likely receive treatment faster than they typically would. But that’s not the point.

AS: It’s that somebody took over the worry.

RH: If somebody receives an appointment far into the future, what should they do?
Norman Jamal (NJ): Take the appointment and then call us to expedite it.

NH: Not every case warrants an expedite but when presented properly, doctors are usually happy to expedite appointments when necessary. It’s about understanding how the medical system works.

RH: This is somewhat of a sensitive question. Ultimately, none of you are doctors; why should somebody trust a seemingly amateur group to handle anything medical?

AS: They’re not amateurs and they’re not telling anyone what to do. They’re simply sharing Chaim Medical’s vast knowledge to help them make a decision.

RH: I know Chaim Medical has access to information, experimental treatments and studies. How does that help?

NJ: People don’t generally think to seek an opinion from a hospital in Houston or Minneapolis. But a coordinator who researches this day in, day out, will know which hospital has dealt with something similar and they will reach out for an opinion.

NH: We’ve had many situations where doctors from top hospitals worldwide have consulted on a case because of our relationship with those doctors. It happens all the time.

EZ: We’ve been involved in complex neurosurgery cases where we got 10 opinions from around the world in 48 hours. So yes, these connections come into play and it’s comforting to know we can call upon them when needed.
RH: What categories does Chaim Medical deal with?

NH: There isn’t a category that they don’t.

RH: So there’s no area in which Chaim Medical is unable to dig deeper for a patient. Another sensitive question: Is there ever a situation where one should give up hope?

NH: Those words aren’t in our dictionary. I’ve yet to come to a circumstance where there weren’t any options. Not every situation ends happily, unfortunately, but we never stop trying.

RH: Please share a story where you reached to the ends of the earth for someone, because for a lot of people, this is beyond the scope of their imagination.

NH: We’ve been involved in cases where doctors called the family three to four times to come and say their goodbyes. And I think if it weren’t for Chaim Medical, it would have been just once. End of story. But we constantly asked, what do we have to do to get the patient through the next 24 hours? Over and over again. And then imagine hearing that the patient is coming home! All you need is one story to realize that you should never give up and really, that’s what Chaim Medical is all about.

RH: True. It sounds like very intense work. What does it take to be a Chaim Medical team member?

AS: In one word, commitment. If the patient or their family needs you, you need to be available. We don’t like to say 24/7, but that’s what it is.
NH: Approximately 10% of our cases are urgent. And from our point of view, those cases are anytime, anywhere, anyplace, we’re always with you.

NJ: This is actually an important point, there are many things that don’t need to be dealt with immediately. As Nathan said, 10% of our cases are urgent, but the other 90% just need proper guidance.

RH: What do you wish people knew?

EZ: How much our team loves every community member. I don’t know 70% of the people we deal with and it doesn’t matter. I’ll stay up all night for whomever. If it’s a community member, if it’s a Jew, it’s my pleasure! And I think every team member is like that. The software rings on our phones day and night, so there is always somebody with you around the clock. It’s love for our fellow Jews during their time of need.

RH: What is the current caseload?

NH: We have 160+ active cases at any given time and the list, unfortunately, keeps growing.

AS: The non-urgent cases require less input but there are 100 of those…

NH: Yes, and that’s just in our community. Chaim Medical, the parent organization of our division, deals with thousands of cases every day. The 160+ cases are from our division alone.

RH: I want to address another aspect because I’ve been there and I think it’s important. What can you advise a family member taking a patient to the hospital?

NH: Be prepared.

NJ: You’ve got to be really present. Pay attention, introduce yourself, say hello, say thank you.

EZ: Many times we deal with complicated family dynamics and we always recommend appointing one contact person for the family, so we can go back and forth and everybody can get the information from that one person.

NH: You know, something as small as asking for CDs after imaging. It’s a small thing but you know how much time that could save?

AS: The average person that is thrust into a medical issue doesn’t know what to do.

NH: And they don’t want to do it. Nobody wants to be sick. Nobody wants their family members to be sick. We recognize that if the roles were reversed, G-d forbid, we would need somebody to tell us what to do, too. There are a lot of emotions.

EZ: Many times I’ll call a team member to review a case. Imagine, we’re doing this every day and I still sometimes need to bounce it off somebody else. How much more so does a clueless family member need to bounce it off somebody so they can figure out their next step.

RH: Also, some people get scared off by medical terms and they assume that if somebody in a lab coat said it, it’s written in stone.
NJ: You need to trust doctors, but you should take notes and you should review it with someone knowledgeable.

AS: And there might be another doctor in a lab coat with another opinion.

NJ: To be sure, doctors save lives, we’re just facilitating the process and helping you find a doctor you can trust.

RH: Tell me about the skill set and dedication of your team.

NH: Dedication is really the first and foremost aspect. Never in my life have I seen a group as dedicated as the people working for Chaim Medical. Ezra and I get shocked every day, seeing how they go above and beyond for a community member in need.

RH: Do you have a parting message?

AS: We want the community to know that they don’t have to go through a medical crisis alone.

For more information call (718) 649-4000.

To watch the full interview visit thecommunityconversation.com

Mary Anne Cohen

Naomi was crying in my office, “I just can’t go on vacation. I’ve gained so much weight since last summer, I don’t want anyone to see me in a bathing suit. All the cool girls are going to be on this trip. I feel like such a loser!” What Naomi doesn’t know is she is not alone—two other girls have been in my office saying the exact same thing!
Julia presents a different story, “After having my fifth child, I can’t seem to lose the baby weight. So many girls in my community get back in shape pretty quickly after pregnancy. Everyone is going to judge me when they see me on vacation looking like a whale.”
Naomi and Julia are not strangers when it comes to feeling badly about their bodies and weight, but the idea of having to show themselves in summer clothes makes them extra vulnerable. When vacation time intersects with “feeling fat,” it becomes the perfect storm for self-consciousness and self-blame.
How can we help Naomi and Julia embrace the enjoyment of their vacations while lessening their body image distress? Following are six suggestions of WHAT NOT TO DO and WHAT TO DO.

WHAT NOT TO DO
Before vacation, do not go on a diet or restrict your eating in order to lose weight! It will backfire! You will either overeat on vacation or when you return home to make it up to yourself.

In her upcoming book, Body Love: An Awakening Journey from Diet Culture to Freedom, Sari Dana describes the lengths she went to trying to stay on a diet and even lose weight during a family vacation to the Caribbean. “I prepped, froze and filled up a suitcase with a vacation’s worth of juices, 5 a day, for 10 days. That’s 50 frozen juice bottles! The excitement, dedication, commitment, and will power wore off quickly! At each meal, I brought my juice with me to the restaurant while everyone else was enjoying delicious food. I tried really hard to drink while everyone else ate, imagining how wonderful I would feel after drinking 10 days worth of juice. When I could no longer hold on, I felt like a failure. Today, I don’t blame myself. I wasn’t yet awakened to the harmful practices of diet culture—I was part of them.”

Do not compare yourself to others. We all have our own unique and personal journey regarding body image, food, and anxiety. The girl with the “most perfect” body may have her own inner stress and anxiety. Remember that “comparison is the thief of happiness.”

what TO DO
Eat mindfully. Tune in to your hunger. Eat what will satisfy you. Stop when you’re full.
Try to translate why you are feeling fat. Many people blame their weight when they are really feeling anxious about something else. Naomi came to realize she was criticizing her body when, in truth, she was really worried about meeting boys on this vacation. When she was able to better focus on this underlying worry, we strategized how to better help her face her fears about her popularity and competition with other girls.
Tell yourself, “It is what it is,” in other words, accept yourself compassionately for where you are today. You are a work in progress. The final chapter has not yet been written on resolving your food and body image struggles.
Enjoy your vacation! You deserve it!

If you would like support on your eating, weight, body image journey, please feel free to reach out to the Mindful Eating Project. We will work with you to:

• Custom tailor an individual approach for your unique needs.
• Help you get control of your eating back inside yourself.
• Develop and maintain healthy eating patterns.
• Regain body confidence.
• Unlock what may be keeping you stuck in your eating problems.

Schedule an initial assessment with The Mindful Eating Project, and we’ll help you determine if you can benefit from treatment. To start a confidential conversation about your eating, please contact us. Your contact with us will be absolutely confidential. Please feel free to call (718) 336-MEND. The Mindful Eating Project is a division of The SAFE Foundation.

Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD is Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982. She is also author of French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating and Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. Mary Anne has hosted her own radio show on eating disorders, appears frequently on national television, and is the professional book reviewer.

LAURA SHAMMAH MS, RDN

DO YOUR VACATIONS TURN INTO A GREEN LIGHT TO OVERINDULGE? DOES YOUR MIND SET CHANGE TO SPLURGE MENTALITY? DO YOU FORGET ABOUT ALL YOU THE REASONS YOU WANT TO EAT HEALTHY ONCE YOU ARE AWAY ON VACATION? IF SO, YOU’RE NOT ALONE. HOWEVER, YOU CAN STAY ON A HEALTHY EATING PLAN WHILE ON VACATION AND STILL ENJOY YOURSELF. FOLLOWING ARE 8 TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU STAY ON TRACK WHILE HAVING FUN.

Eat breakfast
While vacation schedules vary from your local routine, don’t skip the first meal of the day. If you are staying at a resort, take advantage of the breakfast or brunch buffet and fill up on fruit, salads and whole grains, such as whole-wheat toast or oatmeal. If going out for breakfast, choose lean protein, such as eggs, and fruit.

Walk everywhere
Strolling through museums, a new city or on the beach is a chance to explore while getting in a little exercise. If a destination is within a mile, walk. Make sure you pack comfortable shoes.

Daily activity is key. Find fun ways to move, so all of your vacation activities don’t revolve around food. Play volleyball on the beach. Go for a run through town. Take a bike tour. Try paddle boarding. Go for a hike. Walk through a museum. Play a round of golf. Do whatever spikes your interest. I always encourage my clients to pack their exercise clothes and sneakers.

Stay hydrated
Dehydration is common when traveling, especially when flying. Bring an empty water bottle to the airport and fill it once you are past the security checkpoint. Stock up on water bottles once you are at your destination and bring a bottle wherever you go.

Make a shopping list
If you are doing food shopping at your destination make a shopping list before you go. Making a grocery list before you go to the store can help limit unnecessary buying and avoid forgetting items that can help you stick to what makes you feel great.

Plan your day
Try to Stick to your usual eating habits when possible. I make sure to plan ahead and pack healthy snacks or meals for the beach or the flight there. I also try to pack a fruit, vegetable, and snack to help me stick to my normal habits that make me feel great.

Splurge once a day
It’s fine to enjoy special treats when you’re on vacation. If you are in Paris, you might want a fresh-baked croissant from the bakery. If you are on a road trip with the kids, you might want to stop at the ice cream stand for a homemade indulgence. The trick is to monitor your portions, eat slowly and savor every bite—and don’t feel guilty—just enjoy.

Have fun and indulge when you feel the time is right. Vacations are about enjoying yourself and making memories with each other. While creating a healthy eating plan is important, so is treating yourself every once in a while. Savor the time with your family. These will be the memories everyone will remember for years to come—so make the most of your time together.

Relax
Between catching flights, recovering from jet lag, being aware of new surroundings, and of course, family; traveling can be stressful and exhausting. Stress and lack of sleep mean that our cortisol levels will be higher and our sugar cravings will peak. Taking deep breaths can help keep you grounded.

Be gentle with yourself and remember that vacations fly by quickly, so make sure to enjoy non-food related fun and activities. Try your best to eat healthy on vacation and know that every meal and every movement is a chance to practice self-care.

Laura Shammah MS, RDN has a masters degree in health and nutrition and is a registered dietitian. She has been operating her own private practice in both New York and NJ for over 20 years. She is happily married and has four children.

CLEMENT SOFFER

JOSEPH SOFFER A”H WAS BORN IN 1906 IN THE KHAN KHALIL NEIGHBORHOOD IN CAIRO, EGYPT. HIS FATHER, REUBEN SOFFER WAS BORN IN BAGDAD, IRAQ AND EMIGRATED TO CAIRO WHERE HE WORKED AS A MERCHANT. HIS MOTHER SIMHA WAS BORN IN ALBANIA AND EMIGRATED WITH HER FAMILY TO JERUSALEM AND ULTIMATELY EGYPT.

In 1931 he married Rachel Sultan A”H. Together they had 4 children: Allegra Mizrahi, Clement Soffer, Marcelle Zeit and Robert Soffer. In 1952 he was appointed controller of the accounting department for the Egyptian division of Ralph Pontremoli and Sons, which was the largest high quality furniture firm in the Middle East and was owned by a prominent Italian-Jewish family. The family lived a very nice religious and comfortable life in Egypt until President Nasser came into power and nationalized all Jewish businesses. This led to the persecution of the Jewish people. Allegra married in 1950 and moved with her husband to Israel.

Coming to America: In 1956, Clement left after being arrested for helping the Jews escape. Joseph and the remainder of the family fled in 1958 together with most of the Jews. When leaving Egypt refugees were only allowed five Egyptian pounds each, which was at the time the equivalent of $20. So after living a very comfortable life, the family left with a total of $80. The family traveled to France where they were housed by Hias and fed from a soup kitchen. They waited 10 months for their American visas to arrive. Robert celebrated his bar mitzvah in Paris.

In 1959 the family finally arrived in New York and Joseph was able to start his blessed life again. He was successful both in his business and religious life. He became one of the founders and early president of Congregation Ahaba Ve Ahva on 67th Street, as well as the controller for Joujou Designs. Unfortunately, his wife took ill and passed away in 1965.

Oseh Sedakot: After a health scare in 1979, he pledged to open a charity fund if he was healed and so he established a Sedaka U’Marpeh which proceeded to help hundreds of struggling families in Israel for over 40 years and continues to this day. That was followed a few years later by Or Yosef Foundation which was established to help Kollelim and Yeshivot. He passed away on December 12, 2003, 18 Kislev 5754.

Joseph’s legacy lives on through his children and grandchildren and the great institutions he established. His son Clement has served as lay leader in many communities throughout his life and Robert is a mainstay in Congragation Ahaba Ve Ahva of Brooklyn.

The above biography was posted on a special display at Congregation Ahaba Ve Ahva of Ocean Parkway to commemorate the Yahrzeit of Joseph Soffer A”H. The display was part of its ongoing Heritage program led by Rabbi Jack Savdie. The program aims to commemorate the lives of our great Hachamim and lay leaders, and their contributions to the community. Zechutam Yagen Alenu.

RABBI EZRA MAX

A THRIVING MARRIAGE NEVER HAPPENS BY ITSELF, NOR DOES A BUSINESS. IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PLAN AND DO THE WORK, YOU ARE DOOMED TO STRUGGLE AND SPEND LOTS OF TIME AND MONEY TO SOLVE YOUR FRUSTRATION. THIS MIGHT BE WHY SOME FEAR GETTING MARRIED AND THE INCREASED DIVORCE RATE.

Developing healthy relationships is a critical skill that is required to create and maintain a thriving marriage and business. Here are great steps to help you create a happy and thriving marriage or business. Follow this plan and with the Almighty’s help you will succeed.

First, let’s talk about one of the biggest challenges. Many people believe that things will just work themselves out and don’t realize they need to make specific effort or know the steps to take to ensure relationship success. Unfortunately, most people have yet to learn this or struggle their whole lives to figure out how to build relationships with certain people, and it blocks their happiness. Maybe there was time when people thought “it will just work out,” and it did, but that’s not how it works anymore. The world has changed.

Not only is this old way not working, but what’s happening is divorce rates are climbing, and businesses are imploding because to be successful, you must have effective relationship building tools. I know this because I’ve spent over 25 years and lots of money on training to find the best ways to help families and businesses thrive. I’m sharing some of these lessons to save you time, money, and aggravation.

The Five C Framework to Succeed in Marriage and Business will save you hundreds of painful hours trying to figure it out yourself.

The 5 C’s:
Connection
Compliments
Communication
Commitment
Continuity

These are applicable if you are dating, married, or have been together for 20 years.

Connection: All relationships begin with a connection. Schedule time with your spouse (or team members and be emotionally available. Make eye contact. The better the connection, the better the relationship.

Compliments: Everyone wants to be valued. Think it, feel it and say it. Express your appreciation to your spouse/partner. This will make them feel acknowledged.

Communication: You are always sending and receiving messages-both verbal and non-verbal. Listen to others when they talk, understand what they’re saying, reflect and validate their words. Get better at listening than talking. When you do speak, make clear requests.

Commitment: If you want to have a lasting relationship with someone, especially a spouse, commitment us necessary and it must be honored or it means nothing. You are a lifetime partner committed to help and support each other.

Continuity: Continuity bridges the past into the future. As you live, lessons are learned, experiences shape you, and you’re influenced by others. Use all the lessons of your life, the pain, the struggles, the hardships, the excitement, the happiness, and pay it forward to educate the next generation. Continuity is your reinvestment in your relationships and the key to your long-term success, because this is how your legacy lives on. The better the marriage and business you build, the more significant your impact.

The 5 C’s are a simple relationship roadmap to marital bliss and business prowess. Good things happen when I apply them in my life, and when I get lazy or ignore any of these steps, there are always consequences. Nothing meaningful was ever created alone. You will always have relationships, you might as well make them amazing.

Embrace this framework, cut it out, hang it up, follow these steps and reap the benefits and success. Wishing you loving relationships and profitable business.

Rabbi Ezra Max, PCC, MHMP, Xchange Guide & Creator of “The Max Method” assists businesses and professionals deal with stress and achieve success. Rabbi Max has witnessed 20 years of results helping executives, parents and teens overcome struggles, improve communication and thrive. He lives in New York with his wife and five children.

A WEEK OF EXCITEMENT & LEARNING

WHEN DR. VITOW FIRST INTRODUCED THE CONCEPT OF MINI-MESTER TO THE STUDENTS AND FACULTY OF MDYHS, THEY THOUGHT THE IDEA WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT IMPOSSIBLE. THE PLAN WAS FOR ONE WEEK IN DECEMBER, STUDENTS WOULD BE ALLOWED TO CHOOSE ONE CLASS OUT OF 31 CLASSES—BASED ON A TITLE, A BLURB, AND NO OTHER INFORMATION.

That’s not all, for a few hours the first two days the classes would meet and learn about their topic, and then on the third day, the entire school would leave on a trip related to their class. The logistics, the planning, and the details seemed near impossible. Everyone wondered how it would work. They should not have had any doubts, because like every other seemingly enormous idea that New Principal Dr. Vitow has suggested, Mini-Mesters went off even better than anyone could have imagined!

To get started, the talented faculty was tasked with coming up with a passion or an interest that they would like to share with the students. Ideas like fishing, French cooking, ice skating, video gaming, and stock market investing came to the surface.

Students chose classes based on their interests, without knowing who would be teaching them, what their friends chose, or where they would go on their trip. Curriculums were written, buses were booked, and reservations were made.

The first big reveal came just a few days before Mini-Mesters began. Class rosters hung in the atrium for students to see before it was finally time for orientation, where teachers of the courses were revealed. Students were shocked to see what some of their favorite teachers were interested in. Rabbi Jacob Matalon is the SY Fisherman? Mrs. Laila Zeitoune is a Harry Potter fan? We couldn’t wait to begin!

Getting together for an hour and a half on the days leading up to the trip, with students of all ages and teachers they may not have ever met, the excitement in the building was palpable and the questions came fast and furiously. “Which class are you in? Wait, who’s teaching that? Where are you going on your trip?” The hallways overheard little else. Finally Wednesday came and 31 buses pulled up to the high school with their GPS’ set to different locations. The girls in Shaatra at Home went to The Well to learn how to cook and donate mazza with Mrs. Jennifer Franco. Ms. Susan Cohen took her Emergency group to the Hatzalah building for a tour. Rabbi Joey Esses went to Beat the Bomb with his students in Can you Play the Game? Mr. David Sloan met Dr. Israel Jacobowitz, Cardiovascular and Thoracic Surgeon, at NYU Langone, with his students in The Heart of the Matter, and much more.

Senior Stephanie Franco was in a course called Etiquette for Young Adults, where Mrs. Stephanie Shamah and Mrs. Kimberly Djouejati gave lessons on the proper way to set a table, and how to conduct yourself in certain situations. Boys and girls alike hung on every word, and put their new skills to the test by setting their Shabbat table. “I truly loved and soaked in every minute of this course,” Stephanie wrote in an email to Dr. Vitow, “I walked out of the class knowing how to speak properly, sit properly, and act properly. The teachers were amazing, and no one could have done the job better! I learned how to set up a beautiful table, and this is extremely helpful especially for a girl who will love to set her table for company in the future. Overall, my experience was a 10/10 and I’m extremely thankful and grateful.”

Junior Felix Hadef, was in a course called A Trip to Eternity, with Rabbi Isaac Escava, Rabbi Meyer Topas, and Rabbi Reuven Jacobsohn. “First we went to SCHI which stands for School For Children of Hidden Intelligence, a school for special needs children. I must be honest and say I was really nervous, because I just did not know what to expect. The second we walked into that building it just felt so amazing. Everywhere we walked everyone had a smile on their face. We saw the children and how they learned and how they dealt with their disabilities. This really amazed me, because they all have some tough and challenging lives and there’s not one second that they did not have a smile on their faces.” Hadef continued, “While we were exiting the building I was thinking to myself about how I had absolutely no reason to be a little nervous and I understood that these children were not different, rather they were just perfect. This day is a day to remember and a day that really helped me change the way I see certain things.”

As the week came to an end, the feelings of excitement and gratitude, from both teachers and students, didn’t die down. Everyone went into Shabbat feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride in our faculty and students, for pulling off this incredible BIG idea.

NATALIE SENIOR GREENBERG

THIERRY MUGLER: COUTURISSIME IS AN EXCITING, CREATIVE, EXTRAVAGANT EXHIBITION ENCOMPASSING THE ICONIC FASHION DESIGNER THIERRY MUGLER’S CAREER. IT IS COMPRISED OF OVER 130 HAUTE COUTURE LOOKS, DOZENS OF FASHION PHOTOGRAPHS AND VIDEOS OF INSPIRING AND GROUNDBREAKING FASHION. IT WILL BE ON DISPLAY UNTIL MAY, 2023.

The French designer Thierry Mugler, who passed away in early 2022, had lived in New York City for many years, and Brooklyn was very inspirational to his fashion and creativity. Therefore it is important and wonderful to have this exhibit shown in Brooklyn. It was so enjoyable to view the many fashion photos that featured New York City, and included fashion stars such as Lady Gaga, Kylie Jenner, Beyonce and Cardi B, all of whom Mugler designed for.

Mugler always disliked the idea of the retrospective, an exhibition or compilation showing the development of the work of a particular artist over a period of time. So, when approached by curators from the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts, where this show was first shown, Mugler was promised that the exhibition would not be just a boring chronological tour of clothing. The fashions are arranged into themes and his work is put into a much more approachable and relatable context of what fashion now represents in the world.

The exhibit begins with fashions that Mugler designed for the stage, including an elaborate cage dress designed for Lady Macbeth.

The fashion photography is incredible. Most of the famous fashion photographers of the last few decades, such as Helmut Newton, Herb Ritts, David la Chapelle, Sara Moon, and Guy Bourdin are represented, and all collaborated with Mugler. Especially interesting and beautiful were the fashion photos of models in unusual locals, such as Greenland and the Sahara Desert. There were photos of models perched on New York City skyscrapers, such as the Chrysler Building and models juxtaposed against international architecture with unusual shapes. All were stunning and thought-provoking.

The Celebrity Section highlights fashions designed specifically for David Bowie, Diana Ross and Madonna. It’s amazing because it brings back memories of a very special time in fashion and culture. In this section, there is a fashion video of George Michael’s “Too Funky,” which was co- directed by Mugler and features many supermodels from the 80s and 90s. It was fun to watch this video and pick out all the supermodels that I recognized.

Another area dedicated to futuristic fashion shows Mugler’s inspiration from comic-book heroines and science fiction. The aerodynamic and robot-style looks he invented are now iconic. Leather, rubber, plastic, metal and fabric are all manipulated in truly original and ingenious ways.

The show concludes with Metamorphosis; extremely imaginative designs inspired by the natural world. Birds, butterflies, insects, undersea creatures and reptiles are all inspirations for Mugler’s fantastical fashion interpretations. These creations are the most elaborate and visionary of the entire show and are truly works of art. The beadwork, sequins, fabrics and embroidery are couture fashion at its best.

This multimedia extravaganza has stage settings created by film designers and does not disappoint in keeping a visitor’s interest. Moving from room to room, one encounters an assortment of mannequins, videos, drawings and stage sets. The compilation of this exhibit is just as creative as the designer at the center of it all. If you’re a fashion or art lover, put it on your things to do list for a cold, winter day.

Natalie Senior Greenberg is a Brooklyn College Art History professor, and the founder, curator and owner of an online art gallery.

SARAH BENUN

OVER SHABBAT, DECEMBER 16 AND 17, KESHER, AN ORGANIZATION WHICH ADDRESSES THE UNIQUE NEEDS OF POST-HIGH SCHOOL BOYS AND GIRLS FROM OUR COMMUNITY, HOSTED ITS FIRST ANNUAL GIRL’S RETREAT IN EDISON, NJ. THE WEEKEND WAS DIRECTED BY KESHER RABBINICAL LEADER, RABBI JOEY HABER. HE WAS JOINED BY KESHER TEACHERS, MRS. MOLLY HABER AND GUEST SPEAKER RABBI MOSHE MALKA.

Over the course of two days, 150 girls from different community schools, and varied religious backgrounds, came together to learn and be inspired. The theme of the weekend was “Step Up.” The retreat focused on reaching your greatest potential and striving to be a better you.

Kesher, meaning connection in Hebrew, was founded in 2011 to help college students stay connected to Jewish learning and Torah studies. It has grown tremendously over the last couple of years, under the leadership of Rabbi Joey Haber. The organization is currently active on multiple campuses servicing the young adults of our community, while transforming and building relationships between the students and their teachers and rabbis. Kesher decided to cultivate these new relationships with a weekend dedicated to encouraging religious growth and strengthening faith. It was sponsored in memory of Estelle Hedaya A”H.

“At first, I didn’t know what to expect out of the weekend; however, my expectations were far exceeded. Kesher thought of every little detail from the mazza giveaways to the game show on Saturday night. It was a memorable experience,” remarked one participant.

The weekend was filled with panels and speeches from eight different Kesher teachers that act as relatable mentors and role models who offer advice and guidance to the girls. Each woman shared her personal experiences; they all had a different emotional journey that was moving and touching for everyone to hear. Their path to who they became was not easy but they all had one thing in common—the best way to step up is to step down and allow Hashem to step in. Sharing in their individualized journeys was one of the most special parts of the retreat.

“Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you.” Rabbi Malka expanded on this quote with many inspiring stories, and explained to the girls that in order to notice the bigger picture in life, they must shift their mindset to see the result of their actions.

Rabbi Haber spoke about taking the next step in life. We cannot be afraid to grow and become better, the results that follow will continue to move and push us forward. Judaism is not about focusing on the things we are prohibited to do. It is about changing our perspectives to say yes to all the good and positive that the Torah observant lifestyle makes available to us.

I most enjoyed the time spent talking with the other girls on the trip and getting to know the teachers. The retreat away from home gave us the opportunity to bond and create relationships that are sure to last. Connecting with them outside of the classroom in a less formal setting created the perfect environment for all of the participants to share their experiences and allowed for the Kesher teachers to offer guidance on how to step up, grow spiritually, and take on more mitzvot.

“These girls are devoted to learning and growing. Even past midnight after all the speeches, they blew every stop sign and just wanted to keep learning. They stayed up until 4 A.M. forming connections with everyone around them,” said Rabbi Haber after the two long nights.

The girls also had the privilege of hearing from the community-renowned Mrs. Molly Haber during a marriage panel. The Q&A allowed the girls to gain the clarity and understanding they were looking for.

One memorable highlight that moved the attendees was hearing from Charlene Aminoff. On Motzei Shabbat she spoke about her daughter’s near death experience. This traumatic event was the springboard for lasting change. In Charlene’s words, she “snoozed growth and change,” and she waited until she received a “blasting alarm” in order to step up. A quote that resonated with the audience was “man plans and Hashem plans better.” The takeaway was that we should all be sensitive to the miracles all around us and commit to “stepping up,” committing to small changes in our service of Hashem.

“After all the hard work and planning there is no greater feeling than seeing it all come together. The love and warmth was felt all around, throughout the weekend by both the Kesher team and the girls,” said committee member Tina Kassab. The weekend was inspiring in more ways than one and helped each and every girl tap into her best potential.

Sarah Benun is one of girls who attended this weekend. Sarah is a Flatbush 2021 graduate and is currently a sophomore in FIT College. She attends both Kesher class on campus as well as night classes.

F. MORGANO

ON DECEMBER 12, SEVERAL YESHIVOT GATHERED AT TWO LOCATIONS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE YACHAD 2022 PROGRAM. THE PURPOSE OF THE PROGRAM WAS TO FOSTER UNITY, COMMUNITY, AND ONENESS THROUGHOUT THE VARIOUS YESHIVOT IN THE NEW YORK AND NEW JERSEY AREAS.

Seventh grade boys and girls from nine different schools from New Jersey, Brooklyn, Staten Island, Queens, and Long Island all attended the program. Magen David Yeshivah Elementary School hosted the girls, while the boys were hosted by Yeshivah of Flatbush at the Sephardic Community Center on Ocean Parkway.

The boys had four different schools participate in their program; Hillel, Barkai, Yeshivah of Flatbush, and Magen David. They listened to a speech about Hanukkah by Rabbi Tawil of Yeshivah of Flatbush, and Rabbi Knapp of Hillel gave a Dvar Torah. The boys were inspired to understand and embrace ahdut, unity. Next, they played an exciting game of Yachad Pyramid with questions about climate change, American history, and other topics led by Rabbi Wielgus of MDY. A game of basketball followed, and then everyone enjoyed a delicious lunch. Zack Dweck commented, “It was so cool to get together with students from other schools.” Rabbi David Sultan said, “It was nice to see how excited the boys were to see their friends and cousins from the other schools.”

The girls had a huge soiree in the gym at MDY. As each school entered the auditorium, they were greeted with high-energy cheering and warm hugs. It looked as if long-separated families were reuniting for the first time in many years. The principal of MDY, Rabbi Ezra Cohen-Saban, spoke to the girls about togetherness and caring for one another. Lizzy Mizrahi of MDY conducted a spelling bee with words based on the concept of yachad. Of course, the contest came down to long time rivals YOF and MDY, with Flatbush pulling out the final victory this time.

After a short speech about donating tzedaka to help underprivileged brides in Israel on their wedding day, by Mrs. Greenstein of Lev Rivka, the girls participated in a talent show. Another high-energy experience with dancing, singing, cheering, and just general mirth.

Mrs. Levy, a long-standing and respected 8th grade Hebrew teacher at MDY, commented, “It was nice to see the girls from the different schools so excited to be together. It was very special.”

“I loved hanging out with and meeting students from the other schools,” commented one 7th grader, who continued, “we were laughing the whole day! I hope we do it again soon.”

The program was sponsored by the Harari family in honor of their daughter, Randy. A Scroll of Honor noticed the efforts of three students: Rhonda Harari, Erin Shemia, and Gail Chabbott

Special acknowledgment to Ora Delbery, the dance teacher at MDY. She has been teaching Israeli dance to girls of all grade levels for many years. Her efforts in preparing and administering the dance program did not go unnoticed. Her dedication to the girls is quite humbling.

The goal of the program was to foster unity in the community and everyday life—mission accomplished! Now let’s grow the flames of unity.

Frank Morgano is a 6th & 8th grade ELA teacher and staff reporter for Magen David. He has been a teacher for over 23 years and enjoys reading, playing guitar, hockey and Korean sword fighting.

BRIAN MARCUS

THE SLEEPLESS NIGHT BEFORE MY ROAD TEST HAD MY STOMACH ALL TWISTED IN KNOTS. FAILING WOULD MEAN I’D HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WHOLE MONTH BEFORE I’D BE ELIGIBLE TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN AND JUST THE MERE THOUGHT MADE ME WINCE.

The dream of being a licensed driver was on the line and it was more important to me at the time than breathing itself. At 16, few things seemed to be more of a monumental achievement than to be able to get behind the wheel solo.

I failed that first test. The jitters got the best of me and I made some costly mistakes. My only choice was to regroup, dig deep inside myself for some youthful confidence, and pray. I scheduled my retest and the first date available was a month away, on a Friday the 13th. With the odds stacked against me and the heebie jeebie witchery of the date playing tricks on my brain, I patiently waited and forged ahead with the highest of hopes.

The voodoo gods shined their light on me on that Friday the 13th and I passed. A happier kid has never existed. I would soon offer my mom to run every errand she could think of, or ask her to make some up just to get behind the wheel. Driving was such a euphoric high that even a trip to the grocery store was a highlight of my week. As I clocked more miles under my belt, it was becoming evident that it was time for the next step—owning my own car.

A few years later I was out of school and working so I could afford to finance a new car. That’s when I bought my first convertible. A 5.0 liter Mustang GT was my choice, apple red with a white top and white leather seats. What a powerhouse. What a vision. The thrill of motoring around with the top down and the radio screaming out Bruce tunes was one of life’s finest pleasures. It mattered not where I was going, as long as I was going in style with the engine purring and my tires hugging the roads’ curves. That automobile was as much a part of me as my right arm. I originally bought it to pick up girls but I met Sandra a month later, so in that respect you could say it worked like a charm.

As the years passed, the models changed. Then came the advent of leasing and ownership became simplified. You were able to trade up every three years or so for something new. My personal choices have always been convertibles, and exclusively European. I developed an emotional attachment to each car to the point that when the lease was up, as ecstatic as I was to trade up, I always scratched my head as to why the honeymoon seemed to outlast the lease maturity date.

Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but cars have always been a vital part of my existence. They’ve become a part of our identity. An extension of the self. They represent a status and can express one’s personal taste and success. As the odometer spins it measures your pride and contentment as much as it measures miles. In a way you can say it defines who you are, or at the very least who you want to be—a sort of self-esteem machine. They can make you look cool and even trick you into believing that you’re more powerful than you are thanks to the popping pistons and revving motor. Caring for one brings a happiness and it rewards you with the bliss of the open road. Driving is one of the few times you can feel in control of where you’re going and how you’ll get there, all the while arriving in style.

But the last few months have made me question my intimate relationship with these vehicles. My son David borrowed my car to pick up some take-out food one night and smashed it to pieces. Thank G-d a million times he was unharmed, but the car most certainly was not. The insurance company deemed it a total loss and my flawless sexy German precision engineered convertible was no more.

I’ve been tooling around in that car for a couple of months now and I have to admit I have completely realigned my thought process. Don’t get me wrong, German engineering it is not. I spent the first 10 minutes looking for the heated seat and heated steering wheel buttons only to realize that they probably weren’t even invented when this car was made. Void of the back-up camera and navigation screen, it dawned on me that my first cars didn’t have any of those features but I loved them nonetheless. As I drive the old clunker I’m realizing that it’s taking me to the same places that a brand new model would. Ironically the cars most luxurious feature is how it humbles me. I’m not getting dirty snarls from road raged drivers who would otherwise assume I’m a snob or getting challenged to races from testosterone fueled kids in sports cars. This car simply has 4 wheels, an engine, and a purpose to get you where you’re going. I don’t mind and have even grown to enjoy driving it. It took me a full circle to grow up.

I plan on biting the bullet and placing an order soon on a new ultimate driving machine. Perhaps when the sticker shock of the new supply chain affected prices seeps in. But for now I’m surprisingly not rushing it and I’m ok that the old car is my current ride. Somehow it “put the brakes” on how I should view things made of metal, plastic, and rubber. I learned that a car does not define me. It’s the guy in the drivers seat that does.

Brian Marcus is a community member who loves to write.

RABBI EZRA MAX

BEGIN 2023 WITH THE FOLLOWING REFLECTION QUESTIONS TO LEVERAGE YOUR STRENGTHS. WHAT WERE YOUR WINS AND SUCCESSES IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS? HOW MIGHT YOU LEVERAGE THESE WINS TO CREATE EXCEPTIONAL OUTCOMES FOR 2023?

In the 18 Committed Leaders Group, we looked at some of the most significant gains, lessons and progressions over the past year to build upon this to create a really powerful 2023.

In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins says, “If you have more than three priorities, you have none.” You must define your top two or three priorities to create a powerful year.

What are your top three priorities for 2023?
Are they family, business, health, spirituality, emotional intelligence, or something else? Make sure you write them out and share them with someone who will hold you accountable!

These are some simple, obvious steps that successful people take to ensure they are continuously successful. In, Be Your Future Self Now, Dr. Benjamin Hardy, focuses on how to create your future self in the present. One of the most fascinating principles is that your future self will be different from your current self and how you can get there faster. Most people build their future self leaning on their past instead of being more innovative and having their future self pull them forward. You might be wondering, how can my future self pull me forward if it doesn’t exist yet? The answer is that when you choose who your future self will be, you create the energy and the drive and you are pulled toward it.

Have you ever set a goal? Does setting this goal make it easier or harder to achieve? Obviously, it’s easier to achieve a goal because you are aiming for it. Otherwise, you’re just drifting mindlessly.

How many people do we know who are drifting through life mindlessly with no end in sight? When something happens, they say, “This is not the life I want. I’m not happy.” Have you ever met an unhappy person? You certainly have. Well, if they don’t have a goal, and they’re not actively pursuing it, why assume life will get better. Perhaps you can help them set a goal.

We don’t always get everything we want and this doesn’t mean failure. We certainly get closer to our goals by having them versus not.
What do you want to achieve?
Who is it that you want to become?
What is it that you want to do?
What does your future self look like?
Who do you want to be doing it with?
By answering these questions and framing them in the context of your top two or three priorities for 2023, this exercise will improve your destiny. Answering these simple questions will automatically enhance your life.

If you want to increase your chances of success. Make a plan to bring it into reality. Keep this plan where you can see it daily. Have an accountability partner and monitor your progress toward your desired future self regularly, at least once a month. You can’t go wrong with this strategy because even if you don’t achieve the exact goals that you’re setting, you will definitely be closer to them. You will have learned and gained tremendously.

Here’s a tip that Dr. Hardy recommends. Write yourself a letter as if it’s January 1, 2024, one year away. Write this letter celebrating the wins and accomplishments of the past 12 months, as if they have already happened. Describe what your day looks like, what your week looks like and what your life looks like. Detail what you have achieved, learned and accomplished. Describe who you have become. You can look at the letter frequently or put it away. A year from now, open it, read it and measure how far you’ve come or how close you’ve gotten to achieving what you set out to do.

We know that the direction and choices a person truly desires will be supported with divine intervention. Which way do you want to go?

Wishing you success in becoming your best future self.

Rabbi Ezra Max, PCC, MHMP, Xchange Guide & Creator of “The Max Method” assists businesses and professionals deal with stress and achieve success. Rabbi Max has witnessed 20 years of results helping executives, parents and teens overcome struggles, improve communication and thrive. He lives in New York with his wife and five children.

F. MORGANO

In the words of Principal Rabbi Cohen-Saban, “Hesed is not simply giving tzedaka. It’s something that is part of our daily lives. It’s who we are. It is noticeable in our every action.”
The students and teachers took a break from their regular curricula to spend the entire day participating in acts of hesed throughout the community. The day was arranged in conjunction with Elissa Menaged from SBH as she planned and mapped out all the stops the students visited. In eight different locations throughout the community, our students volunteered their time and participated in several activities and social events.
After a brief and inspiring introduction by Charles Anteby, CAO of SBH, the day started with all of the 8th graders working in an assembly line in the gym preparing meals for the SBH food pantry. The 118 eighth graders prepared mini-hot dogs, knishes, yebrak, and breaded chicken fingers that would later be distributed to needy families throughout the community. Volunteers from SBH were on site to help the students produce enough meals to fill 100 aluminum tins and 40 containers of yebrak. The students were then divided into four groups and headed out for different locations and experiences.

The first group stopped at the Otsar home for special needs adults. The students socialized, danced, made creative art projects, and conducted a Hanukkah-themed grab bag. One parent observed that the Otsar personnel were so impressed with our students and how they interacted with the residents. One staff member commented, “MDY was the best school visit of the year.” The students brought a surge of positive energy and smiles to the faces of every participant.

Mrs. Dembitzer, 8th grade math teacher remarked, “The staff at Otsar complimented our students’ amazing effect on the residents they interacted with.” The same group spent the afternoon at Bobbie’s Place, a higher-end thrift store for gently or never-used clothing. They sorted, racked, and displayed the clothing for potential sale to new customers. “I thought it was great to make someone else’s day just by smiling,” student Joey Ftiha commented.
Another group of volunteer MDY warriors rushed to the assistance of Chai Lifeline. The students spent the morning sorting and packing donated toys into age appropriate boxes. Each student was then assigned to shop for Hanukkah toys for a “child” in need. The students gathered the toys on the list and prepared them for the holiday. Jack Franco said, “It was fun. We enjoyed helping the less fortunate at holiday time.”

Another group of volunteer MDY warriors rushed to the assistance of Chai Lifeline. The students spent the morning sorting and packing donated toys into age appropriate boxes. Each student was then assigned to shop for Hanukkah toys for a “child” in need. The students gathered the toys on the list and prepared them for the holiday. Jack Franco said, “It was fun. We enjoyed helping the less fortunate at holiday time.”
The group then met up with several residents of Harmony at SBH on Kings Highway in the afternoon. The students, parent volunteers, and residents socialized, danced, and made mini-pizzas for an afternoon snack. Bonnie Dweck, 8th grader, added, “It was great to meet Siona. She is passionate about her hobbies and loves cooking. She was so bubbly and fun to talk to.” It was an afternoon full of laughter and smiles for all.
A third group of volunteers from MDY headed to the SBH food pantry. There, they sorted and packed boxes of food that would later be delivered to needy families throughout Brooklyn.
This group’s second stop was the Ohel residence for special needs adults. The students danced, socialized, and made holiday-themed art projects in a large lounge with the residents. The impact the students had was palpable. Reece Salama, 8th grader, commented, “This day inspired me to do more hesed. The second I met Pam and David, smiles lit up their faces.”
The students of yet another group visited the residents of Ahi Ezer, an assisted living facility for the elderly and for people with disabilities. They conversed with the residents and spread positive energy and good vibes. For their second experience, this intrepid group of hesed-spreading apprentices headed to Imagine Academy. There they met the residents in small groups in their private rooms. Eighth grader David Tawil said, “It made me feel happy to contribute and spread kindness.” MDY 8th grade science teacher and staff photographer Mr. T.W. noted, “I don’t think I have ever photographed this many smiles in this short a period in my life.”

The day was dedicated to the memory of esteemed community member Joe Sutton A”H. Mr. Sutton was a man who made hesed part of his daily life. One parent who knew him well commented, “Helping others was like breathing to him; it was part of his nature.” The day ended with a few kind and inspiring words from Isaac Hazan, grandson of Mr. Sutton.
“A wise rabbi once said that anonymity is the highest form of charity. That sentiment captures Joe Sutton perfectly. We can go on for pages and days discussing the various people he helped, advised, impacted, and influenced, either emotionally, physically, financially, or any other way imaginable. However, because of his humility, he would bristle at the recognition and accolades.”
That is the message the students learned from participating in Hesed Day—to give freely and generously by spending time giving to others and allowing hesed to be a part of their nature.

Frank Morgano is a 6th & 8th grade ELA teacher and staff reporter for Magen David. He has been a teacher for over 23 years and enjoys reading, playing guitar, hockey and Korean sword fighting.

TEENAGERS NORMA J. COHEN AND MARLENE EPSTEIN CAME TO DSN WITH IDEAS FOR OFFERING INSPIRATIONAL HESED OPPORTUNITIES ON THE JERSEY SHORE. THEY WANTED DSN INVOLVED BECAUSE THEY SAW THE ORGANIZATION AS BEING ORGANIZED, EFFICIENT AND STELLAR EXECUTIONERS.

Norma reflected, “Throughout my high school years, hesed has been imbedded into my everyday life. My younger sisters were intrigued by all that I was doing and were always enthusiastic about tagging along. This opened my eyes to the overwhelming need for the youth in Deal to get involved and give back as well. My uncle, Eric Epstein, and DSN President, Lee Zekaria, helped make this happen at DSN. We formed a committee and came together to plan. DSN has been incredible and instrumental. With the help of DSN’s Frieda Shamah, we have run many successful events ranging from targeting 3rd graders through high schoolers and now even adults.”

In November, the committee put together two fantastic “Hesed 365” events. One was a night of inspiration for 50 high school girls with guest speakers: Mrs. Mozelle Safdieh, Mrs. Rosy Shamah and Mrs. Danielle Sitt. The theme of the night was happiness and gratitude and how it can be applied to one’s everyday life. During the evening, the girls made care packages for hospital patients by packaging lotion, toothpaste, toothbrushes, cards, and other necessities. One hundred care packages were delivered to Monmouth Medical Hospital.

The most recent event was a Hanukkah donut/sufganiyot themed Babka making class with Naomi Elberg. All babkas were delivered to seniors in the community. At the same event, fifty 6th grade girls collected toy donations for children, which were delivered to Monmouth Medical Hospital for Hanukkah.

Frieda Shamah noted, “These were such lovely events, envisioned by our hesed committee. Helping those in need is one of the greatest mitzvot and I am fortunate to work with young people who have such beautiful ideas. There is no other community like ours!”

Other events this year included a high school challah bake, a large-scale mother/daughter event with inspirational speaker Charlene Aminoff, and senior-gifting where girls made and delivered calsones for the holidays. Marlene Epstein, shared, “I love seeing the young girls in our community come together to do hesed and have a good time. This is top priority.”

Eric Epstein is thrilled to see the success. “It’s amazing what these teenage leaders have accomplished. By giving their time to people and causes that need them most, this Hesed 365 program has given our teens a sense of purpose, allowing them to get out of their comfort zones and interact with different people and make new connections. Our community is so fortunate in so many ways and giving back and exposing our youth to those who are less fortunate or have different life circumstances is one of the best things we can do.”

DSN’s Executive Director Sammy Sitt sees the big picture. “We all know that hesed is a core value of our community. We are honored to add hesed programming to our growing list of departments, especially when it means that we are inspiring our teenagers. May Hashem continue to bless DSN to do more and more for our amazing community!”