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MEN & EATING DISORDERS

MARY ANNE COHEN

DAVID CALLED FOR HELP IN SOME DISTRESS, “I THINK I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER AND WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. I BET I’M THE FIRST MAN WHO’S EVER CALLED FOR AN EATING PROBLEM. “ACTUALLY,” I RESPONDED, “MANY MEN HAVE EATING PROBLEMS. THEY’RE JUST NOT AS BRAVE AS YOU TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND GET SOME HELP!”

David is expressing a common misconception—that eating disorders are problems of girls and women, not boys and men. In truth, more women than men do have anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorders, but men are not exempt from these struggles. Between 10% and 15% of people with eating disorders are estimated to be men, but this figure may be low since many men often suffer in silence and feel too ashamed to come for help. Men may also be under-represented in the statistics of eating disorders because they can hide their eating problems better than women. Our society is more tolerant and forgiving of extra pounds on men, while women are held to a stricter standard. Also, men who are obsessed with working out and building muscle may be admired as strong, masculine guys, and this may camouflage that they are suffering anxiety about their body image.

During his therapy consultation, David, a 21 year old man, spoke of his girlfriend who had recently left him for another guy. He was depressed, felt quite rejected, and decided that if he were thinner and more handsome, she would have stayed with him. David embarked on a strict dieting regime to make himself feel more attractive. But his undereating backfired, and he found himself bingeing and then making himself throw up. David revealed that he had always felt clumsy as a boy, was the last to be picked for team sports, and felt inadequate compared to his older brother whom he considered more masculine than himself. David’s story highlights some particular dynamics of male eating disorders: low self-esteem and worries about one’s masculinity, unfavorably comparing oneself to other men, and feeling inadequate in traditional male pursuits, such as sports.

Our media is replete with images depicting what a real man should look like. Where advertising once exclusively focused on skinny female models, now “buff” male models with “buns of steel” and “six-pack abs” are featured on billboards and magazines everywhere. Sports figures and handsome actors dominate the male imagination. Now, men compare themselves with the muscular often steroid-enhanced bodies of unattainably perfect male bodies and athletes and struggle with similar insecurities as women.

Men are so driven to look muscular with bulging chests and slender waists that liposuction to remove “love handles” is popular. Some men even seek saline implants to enhance their chests’ pectoral muscles and also have six saline packets surgically inserted to define the “six-pack” ripped abdomen muscles. Herb supplements to help men get “cut” and steroid drug use is more frequent to “bulk up.” In other words, male body image dissatisfaction has become rampant.

A new diagnostic category exists called “male body dysmorphia.” It means that even a man who is well built may suffer from feelings of being puny and too small. No matter how much he works out, his feelings of body inadequacy still persist. This psychological distortion is the opposite of anorexia, in which the girl feels too fat despite being quite thin. The male with body dysmorphia views himself as inferior despite being muscular while the anorexic girl feels too large despite being emaciated.

A new diagnostic category exists called “male body dysmorphia.” It means that even a man who is well built may suffer from feelings of being puny and too small. No matter how much he works out, his feelings of body inadequacy still persist. This psychological distortion is the opposite of anorexia, in which the girl feels too fat despite being quite thin. The male with body dysmorphia views himself as inferior despite being muscular while the anorexic girl feels too large despite being emaciated.

RISK FACTORS FOR MALES DEVELOPING EATING DISORDERS INCLUDE:
‱ They were fat or overweight as children.
‱ They participate in a sport that requires them to be thin, for example runners, jockeys, body builders.
‱ They have a job or profession that requires thinness , for example athletes, male models, actors.
‱ Some men with eating disorders have a history of physical or sexual abuse.

Matt was a successful business man with a family of five young children. Although he had been athletic as a younger man, the demands of his business, traveling for work, and supporting his family eroded his opportunity to exercise. Matt described coming home from work and raiding the refrigerator before and after dinner. No matter how much food his wife, Dina, prepared, it was not enough. Matt wasn’t content unless he was stuffing himself throughout the evening. He was gaining weight, and his wife urged him to get help because of her anxiety about his health.

In his therapy, Matt identified that overeating was his way to destress, to shift gears after an intense work day. Overeating was his way to reward himself for his grueling schedule, but it was beginning to take its toll on his appearance and health. Matt initially felt selfish for admitting he needed some private time for himself, given that Dina took care of the house and children all day. But, much to his surprise, Dina supported his efforts to break the binge cycle, encouraging him to join a gym and work out with a trainer. We also explored why Matt always put himself at the bottom of the list of people to be taken care of. We discovered this was related to Matt’s having to support his family of origin from an early age because of his father’s ill health. Ignoring his own needs had become automatic for him. Recognizing this pattern was illuminating in helping Matt change this behavior with his present day family.

Eating disorder therapy for men, as well as for women, involves creating a comprehensive treatment plan based on the unique needs of each person. This includes a blend of psychotherapy for resolving emotional stress plus behavioral strategies to change unwanted eating patterns. Men with eating problems can be helped; sometimes it takes a little extra courage to reach out for that help.

THE MINDFUL EATING PROJECT CAN HELP YOU GET THE CONTROL OF YOUR EATING BACK INSIDE YOURSELF
We will work with you to:
‱ Custom tailor an individual approach for your unique needs.
‱ Help you get the control of your eating back inside yourself.
‱ Develop and maintain healthy eating patterns.
‱ Regain body confidence.
Unlock what may be keeping you stuck in your eating problems.

Schedule an initial assessment with The Mindful Eating Project, and we’ll help you determine if you can benefit from treatment. To start a conversation about your eating, please contact us. Your contact is absolutely confidential.

Please feel free to call (718) 336-MEND.
The Mindful Eating Project is a division of The Safe Foundation.

Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD has been Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982. She is also author of French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating and Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. Mary Anne has hosted her own radio show on eating disorders, appears frequently on national television, and is the professional book reviewer for EDReferral.com, the largest international resource for eating disorders.

A FRUITFUL SUMMER

LAURA SHAMMAH MS, RDN

THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THE SUMMER: WARM WEATHER, LONG DAYS AND FUN ACTIVITIES. BUT ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF THOSE LONG DAYS IS THE DELICIOUS FRUITS THAT ARE IN SEASON. FRUIT IN THE SUMMER IS REFRESHING SINCE ITS MADE UP OF PLENTY OF WATER AND ON TOP OF THAT, IT’S SUPER SWEET.

To make things even better, many summer fruits contain unique nutritional benefits that make them irresistible. Following are the best.

Watermelon – It ‘s hard to think of summer fruits and not automatically think of watermelon. Watermelons are made of over 90% water, hence their name. That’s why they’re so hydrating and refreshing on a summer day. They also contain lycopene, which is associated with heart health as well as bone health.

Peaches – A fresh, juicy peach on a hot day could be doing a lot more than just satisfying your sweet tooth. Peaches are an excellent sources of both Vitamins C and A. Vitamin C is linked to an improved immune system and vitamin A can enhance your skin by rebuilding healthy skin cells.

Apricots – Although they are usually found in very small sizes, do not underestimate the amazing nutritional qualities of apricots! They contain high amounts of fiber, which helps with your digestive system and fills you up. They also are a great source of Vitamin E, which helps with high blood pressure and other heart-related issues.

Mangos – If the warm weather has you craving a tropical taste, mangos are a great choice for a snack. Their bright yellow color is not a coincidence; mangos are high in beta-carotene, which is essential for your vision. They also provides you with Vitamins C, A, B and E, while keeping you satiated, because of their high amounts of fiber.

Strawberries – Simple and easy to add to all your favorite foods like salads, yogurt and water, strawberries are a great summer fruit as well. Although they are super sweet and taste almost like candy, strawberries are incredibly beneficial for you health. They have been shown to reduce inflammation, have high amounts of fiber and even helps with immunity.

While the hot weather is still here, make sure to enjoy yourself and take advantage of the amazing weather, experiences and especially all of the delicious and healthy fruits.

Laura Shammah MS, RDN has a masters degree in health and nutrition and is a registered dietitian. She has been operating her own private practice in both New York and NJ for over 20 years. She is happily married and has four children.

STORM KING ART CENTER

A GREAT DAY TRIP

NATALIE SENIOR GREENBERG

ARE YOU EAGER TO SPEND SOME TIME OUTDOORS, AWAY FROM THE CITY THIS SUMMER? A VISIT TO STORM KING ART CENTER, MAKES A GREAT OUTDOOR DAY TRIP FROM NEW YORK CITY. IT’S ONLY AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY.

Storm King is an extraordinary 500-acre open-air art museum, filled with large-scale sculptures that bring nature and art together in a very unique setting. The scenery is absolutely magnificent, and no matter what time of year you decide to visit, the fields, meadows, hills, woodlands and the artwork will delight and surprise you. Whether you are a fan of contemporary art or you’re seeking an outdoor adventure, Storm King has it all.

Storm King features more than 100 sculptures by major international artists such as Alexander Calder, Isamu Noguchi, Sol Lewitt and David Smith. The relationship between art and nature is a focus for the center.

You have the choice of walking from exhibit to exhibit or taking a shuttle which runs every half hour and will show you some of the highlights of the collection. The grounds are divided into four sections North Woods, Museum Hill, Meadows and South Fields, each defined by the type of natural area where it is located.

Don’t leave your cell phone in the car, because there is a free online audio guide is available, so you can learn more about the composition, materials, artist and inspiration behind the pieces in Storm King’s outdoor gallery. The site is easy to access.

Many of the sculptures at Storm King are “Site Specific.” This means that the artist was asked to create a sculpture especially for the site where it is located, the space and position. When a sculpture is labeled “Site Specific,” it cannot be moved, sold or placed anywhere else. It must remain in the spot it was designed for, or it will become a different work of art. So while you wander through the park, imagine that you are an artist and you were asked to create an artwork for Storm King. Would you choose a meadow, a lawn, a wetlands area or a wooded area? Try to visualize how each type of topography would affect the type of sculpture created for that particular space.

In addition to the natural areas of woodland, field, wetlands, lawns, grasses and water, some of the landscape at Storm King is sculpted or altered to accommodate and enhance the collection. These manipulations of the landscape encourage movement through the site and sometimes frame vistas or the artwork themselves, lending to a more enjoyable viewing experience.

Children will love Storm King! It is wonderful to be strolling and then to see a sculpture “pop up” in a vista over a ridge and to experience the artwork through a child’s eyes. (Just make sure that your children know not to touch the artwork).

It’s best to arrive early in the day, because the parking lot fills up quickly, especially on the weekends. In order to enhance your experience, plan to spend at least a few hours at Storm King, wear comfortable shoes, bring a picnic and plenty of water. There are designated areas where you are allowed to eat. It’s also a good idea to bring insect repellent, since you will be outside all day.

There have been many new sculptures added during the last few years. The landscape is always changing, so if you have been to Storm King, it’s time for another visit, as there are many new sculptures to see. Storm King is located in the town of Cornwall, New York; about 1Âœ hours drive from Brooklyn. It is open Wednesdays through Mondays, from 10 A.M. to 5:30 P.M. You should purchase advanced tickets from the Storm King website: Stormking.org. Enjoy your visit!

Natalie Senior Greenberg is a Brooklyn College Art History professor, and the founder, curator and owner of an online art gallery.

THE GOOD LIFE

MIRIAM SHAMAH

I PONDER THAT AGE OLD QUESTION—TO DEAL OR NOT TO DEAL? SHOULD I RENT A PLACE I WILL HAVE TO CLEAN, OR STAY IN BROOKLYN WHERE MY HOUSE IS SPOTLESS AND BELONGS TO ME? MY KIDS ARE GOING, SO TRUTHFULLY I KNOW I WILL FOLLOW THEM. I ALWAYS, ALWAYS WANT TO BE WHERE MY CHILDREN ARE.

And so the hunt begins. One of my best friends, Barbara, happens to be a real estate agent, and we start the journey. I go to Jersey in winter. It is freezing, it is raining, it is windy. We knock on doors, we go to open houses, and we Zillow and Zillow and Zillow. Buying is out of the question, because—well—just because. We all know why. The prices are insane. So the decision is to rent.

Sometime later, after believing the rental market is fruitless, Barb calls me with an idea. She found an apartment near the ocean. It is teeny tiny, old fashioned, but clean. I cannot go there because I am working. We FaceTime. Wind is blowing in Barb’s face, and it is snowing. From what I can see on my iPhone, the apartment is not much, and very small, but when Barbara turns the phone around, I see the blue of the ocean, so I blurt out that I will take it, without seeing it in person! Uh oh, right—I am taking a chance. I jump right in.

Fast forward to a month later. I clean an already spotless apartment. I bring my own mattresses, and some furniture to warm up the place. I look and look and look at the view and am totally mesmerized. I see the sand, I see the blue, blue, blue of the water. I am reminded that the best things in life really are free.

But the absolute prize, the gift I receive, is about to come. I meet my neighbors. They speak to one another in Arabic. I am surprised and thrilled. I am transported back back, back to Tetas, Gidos, Aunts, Uncles, and Bradley Beach. My new neighbors are sitting on beach chairs on the lawn, in a semicircle, so they can all see the ocean. Out comes the kaak, the grapes, the bizzit. I tear up. Memories of the good ol’ days are special and forever.

I make sure to keep my windows open so I can hear the language of my ancestors. I wish I knew what was being said, but it doesn’t really matter at all. I feel my relatives in their melodic chit chat. My neighbors are warm and kind. They offer me a beach chair, to join them, to have a bite. I am American and speak English. They are Syrian and speak Arabic. We are all the same.

And so what I was taught from the summer at the shore—the simple things in life are all that I need. My richest summer is turning out to be my simplest summer. That is the absolute truth, and if you are in my neck of the woods, fadal!

Miriam Shamah is a psychotherapist who has been practicing in Brooklyn for 24 years.

DON’T PANIC OVER RISING INTEREST RATES

MELANIE KISHK

THE RECENT SPIKE IN INTEREST RATES CAUSES SOME SELLERS AND BUYERS TO PANIC AND SOME TO SHRUG. AS A RESULT, MANY PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE REAL ESTATE INDUSTRY, WHO MAY NOT BE BUYING AND SELLING PROPERTIES DAILY, START ASKING WHETHER NOW IS STILL AN EXCELLENT TIME TO BUY OR SELL A PROPERTY. WITH SOME MINIMAL QUALIFICATIONS, THE ANSWER IS STILL A RESOUNDING “YES!”

When it costs more to borrow money, buyers get nervous, which is understandable. No one wants to find out their mortgage payment has suddenly jumped up before they even find a house. But, at the same time, anyone buying a home should expect some market fluctuation during their search. Sometimes it works more in favor of sellers, sometimes buyers. There is, however, good news for patient buyers.

Inventory remains relatively low, but sellers cannot expect to be inundated with multiple offers the day their house hits the market. In addition, buyers faced with increased interest rates are more discerning when homes become available, particularly those buyers able to pay in cash or substantially reduce their borrowed amount. As a result, houses may remain on the market for longer than they would have at the market’s peak, but buyers still need to act with deliberate speed when they find the right property.

Sellers have reason to be optimistic, too. The number of houses on the market is still historically low, so buyers will not wait forever before making an offer. In addition, sellers willing to keep a listing updated and be realistic about their asking price are still in the catbird seat. No one wants to wait to pounce on a great house once it hits the market, because they know it won’t last long.

So, what’s the bottom line for buyers and sellers? There is no need to feel caught between paralysis and panic, even with interest rates creeping upwards. Whether in the market for a new home or selling a house you’ve loved for a long time, take a breath and step back. Work with your trusted realtor and ask for his/her advice. You’ll find the right house or the right buyer before you know it.

Century 21’s Melanie Kishk is a full-time Broker/Owner. Her team consists of top performing real estate agents serving Brooklyn, New York and the surrounding communities.

STRATEGIES FOR HAVING AN AMAZING YEAR

RABBI EZRA MAX

AS WE APPROACH ELUL AND THE JEWISH NEW YEAR, IT’S A TIME FOR REFLECTION AND INTROSPECTION. THE CHALLENGE IS THAT WE’RE HUMAN AND NO HUMAN WILL EVER BE PERFECT. IN FACT, EVEN THE MOST PIOUS TZADDIK WILL STUMBLE ALONG THE PATH OF LIFE. YOU MAY NOT FEEL LIKE THE MOST PIOUS JEW, AND YET, YOU JUST MIGHT BE. IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU RELATE TO YOUR MISSTEPS ALONG THE WAY.

THE KEY IS TO KNOW WHERE YOU’RE HEADED
‱ Define your purpose as best you can.
‱ Know your values as they are your moral compass.
‱ Make choices that are in sync with this purpose based on your true values.
‱ Take steps towards achieving this purpose.
‱ Nurture yourself along the way.

It is important to remember that it is impossible to always get it all correct, and still always strive to do so. We know that whatever hishtadlus (personal effort) you make, whichever direction a person is headed, you are guided there with divine assistance.

We also know that Satan tries to convince us to give up hope, not believe in ourselves and feel depressed, hurt and lost. This is important to Satan because when we feel down, lost, hurt, lonely, and broken, then we feel like there’s no point—there’s no use in striving for more or to be better.

So, we don’t even attempt to improve. And this, my friend, is the biggest travesty. Because as long as you and I are alive, we always have a choice. We have a choice to take one step forward, an option to make amends, and a choice to improve and do what the Torah instructs us. You also can choose not to.

For example, my client Isaac is a young business owner with a team of about 26. He is building his business. He is clear about his market, the opportunities, the customers he wants to serve and the value he wants to create for them. Suddenly he is facing a huge dilemma. He can cheat a vendor and make a few extra bucks, or he can highlight the vendor’s mistake and maybe even take a loss. It’s a tough choice and it’s a choice that will have a lasting impact.

Most things in life are “caught, not taught.” Suppose Isaac makes a choice to cheat his vendor. In this case, it will potentially begin a downward spiral of becoming a dishonest businessman. Ultimately, he will not be happy with himself and will never believe in his own success. His neshama (soul) will always feel like he cheated his way to profitability.

Isaac made the tough choice. He made the correct choice. He said, ”My parnassa (income) was determined and sealed from Rosh Hashanah to Rosh Hashanah. This amount is not going to change without prayer and charity. Shady business and stealing will not increase my income and I can’t trick the Almighty. I prefer to be honest in business and stand tall and proud in my choices and relationships.”

This year, as Isaac approaches Elul and Rosh Hashanah He said, ”It was a challenging year and I feel fantastic about myself, the team and the business we are building.” He recognized a little dark side of himself and knows that he might be tempted again in the future. He prays that he will continue to make correct decisions. He took the high road because, at the end of the day, he wants to know that he did business honestly for himself, with his employees, his customers and vendors. He can sleep at night knowing that he made a Kiddush Hashem.

The economy seems to be crashing and it looks like we’re headed for a bumpy road ahead. Know this dear friend, Hashem is always in charge and running the show. Nothing is too big for him to handle. It’s all just a test for you and me. Hashem has enough money, and ways to send it, for us to all be wealthy. There’s absolutely no reason to do something we shouldn’t, even when times are tough. During economic dips, it’s crucial to keep your head above water to maintain your faith and be hopeful. Keep to the basics, pray, give charity and do acts of kindness to keep the cycle of giving and receiving healthy.

Remember this, during down economies, some people become millionaires and billionaires. I pray this will be you.

With Rosh Hashanah almost upon us, I’m asking myself—and you—these questions.
‱ What are you going to accomplish?
‱ Who are you going to become this year?
‱ How will you positively impact the world next year?

Here are some coaching tips to best find clarity and answer these questions. Ask yourself:
‱ Where have I been successful in the past?
‱ What are my unique skills and abilities?
‱ How can I best bring them forward into the world?

You were born to be amazing, great and to do something phenomenal in this world. It won’t come without some stress and struggle. As you develop the muscles to overcome struggles, you will discover you are stronger than you ever imagined. Tough times create strong men and women. Yes, you can, and you will do anything you put your mind to. You just need to try and put your best foot forward.

Wishing you a year filled with success, happiness, good fortune, insight and the wisdom to make the best choices at every juncture.

Mazal & Bracha.

Rabbi Ezra Max, PCC, MHMP, Xchange Guide & Creator of “The Max Method” assists businesses and professionals deal with stress and achieve success. Rabbi Max has witnessed 20 years of results helping executives, parents and teens overcome struggles, improve communication and thrive. He lives in New York with his wife and five children.

THE 8TH ANNUAL HATZALAH CARNIVAL

THE 8TH ANNUAL HATZALAH CARNIVAL WAS BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE. IT WAS A DAY OF FUN FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY. NOT ONLY WERE THERE RIDES, GAMES AND PRIZES, THERE WAS A PETTING ZOO, A DUNK TANK, FACE PAINTING AND SO MUCH MORE. EVERYWHERE YOU LOOKED THERE WERE SMILING FACES. AS ALWAYS, THERE WAS DELICIOUS FOOD WHICH INCLUDED BBQ, POPCORN, ICES AND COTTON CANDY. ALL PROCEEDS WENT TO HATZALAH OF THE JERSEY SHORE.

DSN’S WELLNESS EVENT WOWS COMMUNITY WOMEN

ON JULY 7TH, MORE THAN 150 WOMEN GATHERED AT THE KASSIN BEACH CLUB IN LOCH ARBOUR TO ENJOY A DAY FOCUSED ON HEALTH AND WELLNESS. THE COMPLETE MIND-BODY EXPERIENCE, SPEARHEADED BY LIAT KASSIN AND DSN ADULT CHAIRPERSON SONIA COHEN, INCLUDED COMPLIMENTARY CLASSES AND SERVICES, AS WELL AS A DELICIOUS LUNCH.

When it was over, Liat was super-thrilled at its success. “The turnout was amazing. It was a truly special day,” she enthused.

Among the highlights of the sensational day were wellness classes which took place every half hour. Some were movement classes, while others were informative, but all were interactive and inspiring. At eleven o’clock, Nomi Simhon kicked things off with a yoga class, followed by Sally Franco, CPC ELI-MP, who spoke about embodying confidence, fulfillment and joy. Rena Shaab, NTP, then made a hydration cocktail to taste, and shared the many benefits of proper hydration. Sarah Kassin, RD, discussed the secrets to longevity through food. Fortune Abadi, fitness instructor and doula, along with Dr. Allison Ankeiwicz, DPT, gave a meaningful talk on core strength. Sari Dana shared her enthusiasm and fitness with high energy movement, music and mantras. Allegra Mamiye, CPCC, ACC, performed visualization exercises with her participants, and Andree Braha spoke about the health benefits of flowers and gardening.

Participants also had an opportunity to feel both invigorated and pampered with a variety of services such as facials, massages, eyebrow services, dermaplaning, and the CHI machine (a passive aerobic exercise device). Juice Theory provided a gourmet lunch with healthy alternatives such as lettuce salads, pasta salads, quinoa salads, wraps, juices, and smoothies. There were also Healthy Whatever bites by Tunie Deutsch and Rook coffee.

To round out the day’s enjoyment, vendors were on hand to offer wellness products for purchase. Roots and Remedies displayed products for a cleaner and easier life. Naturally by Grace offered natural beauty products. Drip Heal presented discounted IV “Hot Shots.” Essentially Everything displayed Doterra Products. USO Original Jewelry sold handmade jewelry, and Garden to Table Flowers put out magnificent bouquets for Shabbat.

The afternoon was simultaneously tranquil and exhilarating. Caleigh Silvera, DSN Adult Program Director, received many messages in response. “People called, talking about the quality of the event, calling it an A+, and asking DSN to do it again.” Jaclyn Bailey shared, “This was the best day ever. Is there a DSN suggestion box? If so, I am suggesting we do this every summer! I wish I could suggest that we do it every week!” Sylia Aboudi remarked, “The day exceeded my expectations. I walked away so zen and peaceful.” Suzy Kishk scored the day a “ten out of ten,” while instructor Sally Franco felt that it was “a blessing to be part of it.” Elana Ades summed it up well. “DSN did a perfect job and no stone was left unturned. This is the DSN standard.”

CELEBRATING SIX YEARS OF MORESHET

VICTOR COHEN

MORESHET, THE WORD IS LOOSELY TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH AS HERITAGE. ON JULY 6TH, AFTER SIX YEARS OF BUILDING, YESHIVAT MORESHET YERUSHALAYIM LIVED UP TO ITS NAME, CELEBRATING ITS OWN MORESHET WITH A SHOW-STOPPING ALUMNI DINNER.

Yeshivat Moreshet Yerushalayim recently turned six. Since it opened, each year has built upon the last in terms of quality and attendance, and now Moreshet has skyrocketed to over 120 alumni. For a new Yeshiva, exclusive to the Sephardic communities of Brooklyn and Deal, 120 alumni over six years is a momentous achievement.

Like any achievement, it needed to be celebrated. And it was, last month. All the alumni of Moreshet gathered together to celebrate how far they had come as a Yeshiva and to orient themselves towards the future in a more unified, proactive manner.

The air was electrifying, as the current of Moreshet coursed through all the alumni present. People with no connection at all, welded together through the glue of Moreshet, coming out of the night as a family.

Moreshet, to these young men of our community, is a family. Everyone could feel the unity connecting them all, a unification exemplified through an alum from the most recent year, Jacob Mosseri. Jacob was the host of the night; the alumni dinner took place in his backyard. He felt comfortable inviting people to his home, who he did not know, all because they went to the same Yeshiva a few years before he did.

Jacob and his family made the alumni dinner as elegant and celebratory as possible, with spectacular food and poignant decorations. Themes of blue and white, reminiscent of their time in Israel, permeated the scenery through the tables, chairs, and even the napkins. It was a high-quality event. the purpose to why they were all there weaving its way through each and every attendee.

Several speakers, some alumni, some rabbis, others community leaders, highlighted just how impactful the past six years have been. Moreshet anchored itself to every level of our community. The speeches by the alumni focused on both looking back and looking forward. They looked back, praising those who built up Moreshet Yerushalayim over the years. Then they looked forward, placing emphasis on their newest mission—positively impacting the community they all grew up in.

Jacob Mosseri put it best, “I believe that as the alumni of Moreshet, we have a mission. Our mission is to guide our community in the direction Moreshet has guided us—living a life of Torah, while also providing for our families.”

He later reiterated this point, “I think it’s time for us to apply the values that were instilled in us when we were in Israel and take action.” Action seemed to be the second theme of the night, the other purpose as to why the alumni gathered together.

The rabbis gave brilliant speeches as well. Hacham Shimon Alouf eloquently laid out the challenges and contradictions of today’s society, insisting that these young men have the tools to truly right some of the wrongs of today.

Rabbi Harold Sutton heartfeltly expressed how Moreshet Yerushalayim exceeded all of his expectations, and how he was so proud of each and every one of the alumni who graduated from his Yeshiva.

Rabbi Shaul Kassin touched on the bigger picture. He had this to say about how Moreshet changed people’s perceptions of what it means to go to Israel, “When they hear it from young men who are accomplishing, from beautiful young men, it has an impact.”

Finally, larger-than-life leaders of the community spoke, including Ezra Ashkenazi and Harry Adjmi. Mr. Ashkenazi spoke of the Yeshiva’s beginnings and how Rabbi Harold Sutton, against all odds, persuaded everyone to join his vision. The message was clear—if you have a dream, if you have a vision—go for it.

Mr. Adjmi’s thoughts about defining a leader in this community was particularly inspiring. He stressed that the greatest leaders should actually be called ‘doers,’ and praised the rabbis of Moreshet for doing what they set out to do, even exceeding their own expectations.

The Moreshet Yerushalayim Alumni Dinner was filled to the brim with inspiration, excitement, and moving words of unity, as a group of community boys connected through a budding Yeshiva in Israel are currently blossoming into something more, something greater. I for one am grateful to watch that metamorphosis, and cannot wait to see how Yeshivat Moreshet Yerushalayim evolves in the years to come.

Victor Cohen is a graduate of Hillel Yeshiva Class of 2021, Moreshet Yerushalayim 2022, and he is currently enrolled in Baruch College.

THE CENTER CYCLONES ARE CHAMPIONS AGAIN!

IT WAS A SEASON THAT BEGAN WITH MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS FOR THE SCC CYCLONES. WITH ONLY THREE PLAYERS RETURNING FROM THE 2021 CHAMPIONSHIP TEAM, NO ANALYST OR EXPERT WOULD BE ABLE TO FORECAST HOW THIS TEAM WOULD FARE IN A TOUGH KINGSBAY LEAGUE. HOWEVER, BY THE SEASON’S END, THIS GROUP OF 12-YEAR-OLDS LEFT NO DOUBT AS TO WHICH TEAM SHOULD BE CONSIDERED THE BOROUGH’S BEST.

Having played pivotal roles on last season’s championship team, veteran starters Abie Antar and Eddie Braha, along with lefty slugger Stephen Zekaria, knew what it would take to get this team title ready.

“We want to accomplish something no community team has ever accomplished—back-to-back championships,” said Antar. Braha added “We know what it takes to win, and we are going to set a good example for our new teammates.” Each of the newcomers, badly wanting to continue the championship pedigree of the Cyclones, worked tirelessly and within a few weeks the team had the look of a contender.

The season began with the team’s pitching, buoyed by righties Antar and Braha, consistently keeping the Cyclones in each game. The burden would fall on the bats and gloves to ensure their success. As the weather began heating up, so did the team’s hitting. The regular season saw five games where the Cyclones would win by a margin of four runs or more, but also six games that were decided by two or less runs. Having the experience of playing in those tight games proved to be an important factor in the squad’s post season success.

Clutch, Gold Glove caliber late game defensive plays by David Antar, Jack Swaid, and Max Shalom were needed to close out some of the tight contests, while two well hit balls off the bat of Zekaria provided dramatic walk-off wins in those nail-biters. With those standout plays receiving accolades, it was the season-long steady play by the key contributors of the team that had the Cyclones considered to be a tough team to beat. The lineup was a threat from top to bottom. Isaac Mizrahi and Mark Antar would be among the league leaders in on base percentage setting the table for the big bats of Jesse Setton, Swaid, Braha, Zekaria, and “Bash Brothers” Marshall and Jacob Levy who provided hard-hit balls—game in and game out—on the offensive side. It was signal caller Jesse Setton who set the defensive tone behind the plate, leading the league by a wide margin in runners thrown out while attempting to steal.

“I take tremendous pride in making opposing runners think twice before trying to steal,” noted Setton. “Abie and Eddie keep the ball in the zone most of the time, so it kind of makes my job easy.” Indeed, it was that same team first approach that helped propel the Cyclones to an undefeated regular season, and the World Series game.

The Cyclones knew they were in for a battle, because in their three regular season matchups vs. their World Series opponent, the games were decided by a total of just four runs! Abe Antar took the mound that June evening knowing that this championship game would prove no different. The game saw both teams manufacture early runs, but it was a go-ahead shot in the 5th inning by Jack Swaid scoring Mark Antar that proved to be the deciding run. The Cyclones would tack on an additional run in the top of the 6th inning to bring the score to 3-1. With steady team defense, stellar pitching by Antar, and a key pick-off of yet another base-runner by the catcher Jesse Setton, the Cyclones would not allow a run to be scored. Antar would strike out the final batter of the game—his 15th strikeout—securing the championship for the Cyclones!

The Cyclones would like to thank the entire SCC team, especially Harry Chazanoff for coordinating the league games, as well as their coach Eddie Antar who was a guiding force in the dugout. They would also like to thank all the parents who sacrificed their time to get to the games. The Cyclones can’t wait to triple down and go for an unprecedented three-peat next season!

PROTECTING YOUR BUSINESS & EMPLOYEES

DAVID HOORY, CLFÂź, LUTCFÂź

IF YOU HAVE EMPLOYEES, YOU KNOW FIRSTHAND THAT THE LOSS OF A KEY EMPLOYEE CAN HAVE A PROFOUND IMPACT ON BUSINESS OPERATIONS. WHEN AN EMPLOYEE LEAVES, CUSTOMERS WHO DEALT DIRECTLY WITH THAT PERSON MAY WORRY ABOUT RECEIVING THEIR GOODS OR SERVICES IN A TIMELY MANNER; SUPPLIERS MAY BE CONCERNED ABOUT GETTING PAID FOR THEIR DELIVERIES; AND STAFF MORALE CAN ALSO TAKE A DIP AS REMAINING EMPLOYEES WORRY ABOUT ASSUMING A HEAVIER WORKLOAD.

That’s why it’s important to make sure that your business is prepared to deal with the unexpected departure of a key employee which usually happens for one of three reasons: the employee chooses to resign, the employee becomes disabled, or he or she passes away.

While life insurance cannot protect against employees choosing to leave, it is often used as a tool to help incentivize them to stay; deferred compensation plans are powerful vehicles for doing just this. Deferred compensation arrangements allow you to provide retirement income to select employees. The way it works is that you and the selected employee enter a contract that specifies the compensation you will pay out to him or her in the future. Since you may not set up a specific reserve fund in which a participant has a vested right, a life insurance policy is uniquely suited to informally finance a deferred compensation plan. The future of your business depends on attracting and retaining the right talent with the right tools.

It’s also important to protect your business against the economic losses it may face as the result of a top employee’s death with the use of key person insurance. The way it works is that the business applies for and becomes the owner and beneficiary of a life insurance policy covering the key employee. If the insured employee dies, the business receives the policy proceeds.

Deferred compensation and key employee insurance are benefits that are related exclusively to your top employees, but New York Life also has options that you can offer your entire team to help cultivate a rewarding work environment, such as life and disability insurance. These benefits can provide employees and their families peace of mind and added financial security, which can go a long way toward attracting and retaining valuable employees.

As a business owner, you’ve worked hard to get where you are today. Having a contingency in place will allow you to focus on making the best possible decisions for the future of your business.

This educational third-party article is provided as a courtesy by David Hoory, CLFÂź, LUTCFÂź, Managing Partner, Brooklyn General Office, New York Life Insurance Company. To learn more about the information or topics discussed, please contact David Hoory at (718) 486-4601 or email dhoory@newyorklife.com.

MAURICE HEDAYA A”H THE VOICE OF OUR COMMUNITY

SARINA ROFFÉ

MAURICE HEDAYA WAS BEST KNOWN FOR HIS OBSESSION WITH REGISTERING PEOPLE IN OUR COMMUNITY TO VOTE. IN THE LATE 1980S, OUR COMMUNITY BARELY EXERCISED OUR RIGHT TO VOTE AND HAD NO VOICE. MAURICE REALIZED THAT ELECTED OFFICIALS WERE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO OUR COMMUNITY FOR THIS REASON.

Maurice understood the importance of voting and its connection to our ability to leverage elected officials for the benefit of the community. It was as simple as that.

According to Sam Sutton, president of Sephardic Community Federation, “Maurice was one of the earliest guys to understand the voice of the community cannot be heard without voting. Only civil engagement can convince government officials to make significant changes that benefit us. No one registered more people to vote than Maurice Hedaya. He was a pioneer and a visionary. He was indefatigable worker on behalf of our community and the Jewish world at large.”

His grandson, Morris Hedaya said, “One time he brought voter registration cards to my sister’s dance recital. He showed us what dedication truly means and more importantly, we listened and followed what he taught us. There was never a shortage of voter registration forms in his pockets. He even took them to weddings at Shaare Zion. My grandfather was a leader with selfless devotion to so many others. He was a proponent of positive change.”

“We would go out to dinner, and we didn’t want him to bring the voter registration forms and bother people during their evening out,” said his daughter, Sarah Dabah. “He would say ‘Frisk me’ and we searched him and didn’t find any forms. Then we found out that he had them stashed under his shirt. My father set his eyes on a goal and never gave up. That’s what he taught us. It applied to everything we did. He told us to try our best and he raised the bar.”

“My father realized the Syrian community needed a voice in politics,” said his son Solomon Hedaya. “We gave so much in tax dollars, we needed to be heard and get government funding for tuition. He set out aggressively on Saturday mornings trekking from synagogue to synagogue and speaking in each. All the rabbi’s and committee members in each synagogue knew him well. They weren’t always happy to see him, but they always gave him the platform to speak. His speech was always the same. ‘In order to have a voice, we must register and vote—we as Jews have an obligation to vote and be heard.’”

EARLY YEARS, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
Born in 1929, Maurice was a 1950 graduate of Massachusetts institute of Technology, completing a degree in Mechanical and Industrial Engineering. Very few people in the community went to college back then, much less to a prestigious Ivy League university in Boston.

He got a job in the engineering management of Martin Marietta (later known as Lockheed Martin). He was quickly promoted to financial control of a single $50 million atomic powered seaplane.

He met Gladys in the summer of 1951 in Bradley Beach. The love of his life, they were inseparable for the nearly seven decades they were married.

Maurice was drafted into the US Army during the Korean conflict. “They didn’t make him carry a gun. They gave him a pencil to work in weapons development and design rocket launchers,” said his son Ezra Hedaya. Maurice went on to work for three aircraft companies over a 10-year period.

Ezra said “My father was my hero. He always pushed us. If we had a question, he would make us look it up in the dictionary or the encyclopedia. He challenged me to move forward. He created new limits for us, and we had to go past them.”

A LOVING FATHER
The father of four: Betty Hazan, Sarah Dabah, Ezra Hedaya and Solomon Hedaya, saw to it that his children had memorable life experiences. He took them horseback riding, skiing, sailing, and to the Jewish Community House on Bay Parkway.

When his children were teenagers, Maurice organized Friday night dessert get-togethers for them, so they could meet and socialize with others.

“Those were the days before we had the center and regular young adult gatherings. My father felt an obligation to the teens and young adults of our community to give them a safe place to meet and spend Shabbat with each other,” said Solomon. “He dragged us to the young adult minyan at Shaare Zion each week. The goal was to get as many young people as possible there so they could get to know each other.”

Maurice taught his children respect for their elders, with weekly visits to their grandparents each Saturday after synagogue services.

A few years ago, he decided he needed to spend more time with his daughters, so they began taking annual road trips. One of these trips was to Boston for the 65th Reunion of his class at MIT.

“My father was very humble,” said his Betty. “He never, ever spoke lashon hora about anyone, and he taught that to the four of us. He did everything from his heart. He was in a category of his own. No one did what he did. No one understood how important voting was for our future. He spoke to congressman and senators about school choice, another issue he was passionate about. And he never stopped.”

“My family and I always admired my Grandpa and Grandma’s marriage,” said his great-grandson Joseph Balassiano. “They always spoke to each other with kindness, respect, love, admiration, and nothing less. They always pushed each other to do their best. They supported each other to do what they felt was right. They had a tremendously deep love for each other.”

SAVING THE SYRIAN JEWS
The plight of Jews in Syria was dire, and it was Maurice who enlightened a few community members to act and help them, long before people were aware of the situation.

In 1988, Maurice asked 28-year-old Ezra S. Ashkenazi “Do you know we have 3 to 4,000 Syrian Jews, our brethren, that cannot leave and they don’t have freedom?”

“We were in the dark and he literally begged me to get involved and help put Syrian Jewry on the map and to bring it out to the forefront,” said Ezra, who advised him to talk to men in their 50s and 60s who could network. “He explained to me a few of the problems and challenges that the people were going through in Syria, and I said to him, ‘Let me sleep on it.’”

Ezra continued, “Actually, I didn’t sleep too well the following few nights and that Saturday he came to my home, and asked me if I had made a decision.” Ezra told him that he was willing to go to the first meeting. Ezra recruited Ricky Cohen, and a meeting was held with Dr. Mayer Ballas, Clem Soffer, Alice Sardell, Albert Ayal, Janet Zalta, and Marcos Zalta.

“It was amazing that we were completely ignorant of our brethren. Even the names were foreign to us. At the meeting we were shown pictures of individuals who were physically abused. And of course, Ricky and I were very shaken up. We were pampered in America. The community did not recognize the horrible life going on in Syria and was told it was propaganda. But it wasn’t,” Ezra concluded.

The team raised awareness in the community as well as funds to hire a professional lobbyist to get Congress to negotiate the release of thousands of Syrians. This ultimately resulted in the 1992 airlift and the release of nearly 4,000 Syrian Jews who moved into our community. After they arrived in New York, Sephardic Bikur Holim and volunteers helped them settle. Maurice worked with authorities to help the new immigrants become citizens.

RELENTLESS COMMITMENT TO OUR COMMUNITY
Multiple people spoke of the fact that Maurice was strong willed and never stopped when he had a goal.

“Maurice had tenacity and his love for our community was boundless,” said Ezra Ashkenazi. “He didn’t care if he came across pushy. He had one goal—to give the Jews in America a better quality of life. He encouraged us to vote before it was popular.”

Rabbi Sam Kassin, of Shehebar Sephardic Center, said “Maurice was the conscious or our community. He saw what needed to be done for the benefit of the community before others did. And his opinions were not always popular. He was a true leader in that respect.”

Today the community is better off due to Maurice’s relentless commitment. As a result of his lifetime of work, our community receives government grants and funding that provide youth and senior programming, security, senior citizen housing, mental health services and a long list of other government benefits. Our voice is heard in government because we vote!

Correction: Last month, Freddy Zalta should have been credited for some of the research and quotes in articles about Charles Saka and Lou Jerome.

A journalist, genealogist and historian, Sarina Roffé is the author of Branching Out from Sepharad (Sephardic Heritage Project, 2017), Sarina holds a BA in Journalism, MA in Jewish Studies and an MBA.

MONEY IS FOR WOMEN TOO

2 WILD TRUTHS & 1 WORN OUT FAIRY TALE

ARI BAUM CFPÂź

YOU’RE INTERESTED IN TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR MONEY, BUT YOU FIND YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS LIKE THESE: SITTING QUIETLY WHILE OTHERS TALK ABOUT MONEY, WORRIED YOU’LL SOUND SILLY IF YOU SPEAK UP; WATCHING THE NEWS AND WISHING YOU KNEW MORE, BUT THE WHOLE FINANCIAL WORLD FEELS SO COMPLEX AND INTIMIDATING; NOT WANTING TO BECOME ONE OF THOSE WOMEN WHO GETS TAKEN FOR ALL HER SAVINGS.

You’re good at what you do (hobbies, career, and running your busy life), but feeling in control of your financial life feels so out of reach and overwhelming. Yet letting the men have all the control and giving up your goals and financial ambitions doesn’t feel right to you either.

You definitely don’t want to retire years from now, look back and think, “If only I had taken hold of my financial strategy back then, I wouldn’t be clipping coupons and waiting for my check each month.”

Does it feel like the financial industry ignores your concerns? You’re not alone.

The good news is it’s not nearly as complicated as it may seem. You can take control without feeling frustrated or as if your money is out of reach.

Certain people in the money management industry benefit from making finances look too complicated for anyone who isn’t “numbers-oriented.” They’re the ones who just want you to hand your money over to them and let them do what they want.

Fortunately, that’s not how money management has to work. It is increasingly important for women, that it doesn’t work that way. You need to know how to handle your finances yourself—whether you’re currently single, married, divorced, or widowed. It’s a critical part of modern life. You might be wondering how you can create a savings plan, so you have a solid nest egg when it’s time to retire.

Modern culture might still be holding onto fairy tales about who can and who can’t handle money, but you don’t have to. Start building your money muscles instead.

WILD TRUTH BOMB #1
You & Your Finances Should Come First
Did you flinch at this section title? Did your mind abruptly conjure up all the people in your life who you think come before you? If so, you’re definitely not alone. Modern culture encourages women to take care of everyone else first, before they think about themselves.

Have you ever flown on an airplane? The first thing they tell you in a crisis is to put on your oxygen mask first, before assisting others.

Are the flight attendants encouraging you to be selfish? Of course not, they’re being realistic. If you can’t breathe, you are not capable of helping anyone else.

The same goes for your finances. Do you want your kids taking care of you in your senior years because your money ran out? Of course not. Your kids would much rather have you living the good life in your old age because you were able to build a solid nest egg.

Put on your own oxygen mask first when it comes to your money—it’s not selfish—it’s smart.

WILD TRUTH BOMB #2
Money Management Is a Skill, Not An Inherited Trait
If you really wanted to, you could go down the rabbit hole and spend the rest of your life finding the thickest investment books you can find and reading through them.

You don’t have time for all that, and it’s not necessary. Money management doesn’t actually have to be complicated. There are plenty of tried-and-true techniques that will help you create a solid financial footing for yourself and your family.

You need to know four basics when it comes to money: what’s coming in (income), what’s going out (expenses), how much you own (assets), and how much you owe (debt). The bigger the gap between income and expenses means more savings, which can then either pay off debt or be invested for the future.

FAIRY TALE IT’S
BETTER TO DEFER MONEY MANAGEMENT TO MEN
Have you ever been in a conversation about money or finances and men around you are taking up all the air in the room? Did you find yourself shrinking back or stepping away? Were you pretty sure a lot of it was wrong but you didn’t know (or want) to interject with truth?

Your voice deserves to be heard and recognized when it comes to your money. You need solutions that put your views and priorities front and center. Once you’re able to clear away the clouds, you can get clarity on what your own financial goals are. Then you can create a roadmap to achieve them.

Flex Your Money Muscles & Fall In Love
With Your Financial Power
It’s critical for women to get in the driver’s seat of their own financial strategy. There will be periods in your life where you probably won’t have someone else to rely on. Knowing the basics helps you determine who you can trust if you decide to get some advice.

Teamwork makes the dream work. The sooner you embark on your own financial journey, the sooner you can take control and lead the life that you want. Once you’ve got the basics under your belt, your financial skills will blossom. Then you’ll have a relationship with money that makes you feel powerful and in control.

The content is developed from sources believed to be providing accurate information; no warranty, expressed or implied, is made regarding accuracy, adequacy, completeness, legality, reliability, or usefulness of any information. Consult your financial professional before making any investment decision.

Ari Baum, CFPÂź is the founder and CEO of Endurance Wealth Partners, with over 25 years of experience in the Financial Services industry. He brings his in-depth experience to Conceive, Believe, Achieve, for his clients.

Securities and Advisory services offered through Prospera FinancialServices Inc. Member FINRA/SIPC.

Brokerage and Advisory accounts carried by Wells Fargo ClearingServices, LLC.

PROPEL + RAQUEL GADELOFF = SUCCESS

ELLEN ADES

RAQUEL’S STORY IS INSPIRATIONAL, BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT IS A LESSON ABOUT NEVER GIVING UP HOPE AND WORKING HARD TO ACHIEVE A GOAL. IN 2019, RAQUEL GADELOFF WORKED PART TIME IN A REAL ESTATE OFFICE. ALTHOUGH SHE HAD HER LICENSE, SHE WAS EARNING NEXT TO NOTHING. SHE NEEDED A STEADY PAYCHECK.

The pressure on Raquel was enormous because her husband, David, was just diagnosed with late stage cancer. He needed major surgery and would be unable to work for months. Raquel had a heavy heart when she first spoke with her career coach at PROPEL. She had no idea what we could do to help her but she was open to ideas.

We suggested she achieve proficiency in Microsoft Office Suite to become a more valuable asset in her office and possibly get additional job offers. She began a comprehensive course in January 2020. Her father died in March. After sitting shiva, COVID hit. Classes went to ZOOM. From July through December 2020, her husband, David, had three additional surgeries. Raquel kept trying to finish her course, work at her job in real estate, and study for her Microsoft Office exam.

All this time her husband remained very ill and yet Raquel prevailed. “I always trusted the idea that you have to work hard in life; your body will achieve what your mind believes.”

Raquel completed her studies and became proficient in using Microsoft Office and other computer programs. Her newly acquired skills allowed her to process her own contracts and provide her own back office support for closed sales. She no longer had to wait for help from others. This changed the trajectory of her life as a realtor.

Today, Raquel is one of the top realtors in the State of New Jersey having earned the New Jersey Realtor Gold Circle of Excellence and proudly points out that she was only one sale away from winning platinum.

Fluent in Hebrew, Spanish and conversational Arabic, she shared her thoughts in a recent conversation. “My husband sold accessories in New York City until he became ill. I never believed I would be able to support my family. PROPEL knew what I needed and provided it. They are the reason I am able to take advantage of opportunities today. PROPEL helped me get the skills needed to succeed.”

Not everyone goes through the challenges that Raquel did, but everyone has challenges to overcome; if those challenges include finding a career or earning money, PROPEL is here to provide information, support your journey, and inspire your decisions.

Women searching for a path forward, please contact PROPEL.

In the words of Raquel Gadeloff, “Women can earn significant money. We can be resilient and get through anything.”

If you are interested in a career or in need of career guidance, please reach out to PROPEL to help you take the steps to fulfill your professional goals and dreams.
PROPEL 646-494-0822.
Info@thepropelnetwork.org
Instagram @PropelNetwork

Ellen Ades is a PROPEL career coach.

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