I am often asked, can we really change our self-image? First, lets define the concept. Self-image as defined by Webster is the idea, conception or mental image one has of oneself. It is a mental self-portrait of what we look like from the inside out.

Where do these ideas actually come from? They come from many places, beginning in our early childhood and often one spends his entire life trying to change them. Heres the good news: ideas can change and therefore you can change your opinion of yourself.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. This quote by Gil Stern says a lot about the different outlooks people can take on life. But, is it possible to transform yourself from a parachute maker into an airplane inventor? Dr. Martin Seligman, the author of Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, believes that the answer is a resounding yes!

Optimism vs Pessimism
We all start life as babies, completely dependent on others for even our most basic needs. While babies can cry when they need to be fed, changed, or burped, there is little else they can do to better their circumstances.

To that end, Dr. Seligman explains that we begin life with learned helplessness. In other words, because we cannot control our situation, we grow accustomed to being helpless and therefore do not even attempt to change the situation. The older we become, however, the more control we gain. We learn to communicate, move, and interact with others.

In his book, Dr. Seligman explains that once people have the ability to direct their own actions, they become either pessimists or optimists. The difference between optimism and pessimism manifests itself in the way that unfortunate events are viewed. Optimists believe that bad things are temporary and they are not necessarily at fault for what happened. This often leads to less worrying about the problem because optimists believe that the adversity will only last for a short period of time. They approach a problem with the attitude, This too shall pass. In addition, if they are the cause of a problem, they acknowledge their mistake and vow to change their behavior in the future. Above all, optimists believe that their fate is in their hands and they can work to improve their situation.

Pessimists, on the other hand, drift through life, barely registering the effects of their actions on their own circumstances or the circumstances of others. They believe that nothing they do will change the outcome and therefore choose to do nothing. When taken to an extreme degree, pessimism can result in depression.

What is Learned Optimism?
If you can program yourself to be helpless (like babies and pessimists), you can also learn to be an optimist. Conditioning yourself to respond to situations with optimism is a great idea, as there are tremendous benefits to seeing the world with the cup half full.

Dr. Seligman explains that the key to learned optimism is as easy as ABCDE:

A: Adverse Event or Situation: First, you must learn to identify negative situations that you routinely face. Perhaps you have a family member who is difficult to get along with or you have a demanding child. Recognizing this difficult situation is the first step towards reframing it through the lens of an optimist.

B: Beliefs About that Event: Listen to what your inner monologue says about those events. Do you say, Thats terrible, its going to keep on happening, Theres nothing I can do about it, or I cant believe this is happening to me again! Record these beliefs so that you have an idea of the kind of responses you make to unfortunate events.

C: Consequences of Your Beliefs: Now that you are aware of the negative situations and your beliefs about these situations, see how they make you feel. What kind of emotions do your beliefs elicit? Does thinking, I cant believe this is happening to me again, make you feel like there is nothing you can do to change your situation? Record the feelings that accompany your beliefs.

D: Disputation and Distraction: Once you are aware of the emotional consequences of your inner monologue, dispute those beliefs or distract yourself. Disputation might involve challenging the usefulness of the belief. Ask yourself, Who benefits when I think this way? If the answer is, No one, then that belief is not one worth having. You might also generate specific external explanations for the event. Alternatively, distract yourself from your destructive inner monologue and focus on more positive thoughts.

E: Energize: This one is the easiest stepyou will feel energized after going through steps A-D and will start reacting to situations in a more positive light. Instead of blaming yourself or feeling hopeless to change the world around you, through your changed inner monologue you will start recognizing that the power to change is in your hands.

Pessimism Is Not All Bad
While Seligman points out some tremendous benefits of optimism, he cautions that all optimism, all the time, is not necessarily the correct approach to life. After all, if there were no pessimists, what would happen when the plane crashed? We would not have any parachutes!

Instead, the idea is to maintain a flexible optimism. Pessimism has played a role in survival throughout all of human history. When there are highrisk, negative consequences to an event, it is a good idea to listen to your inner monologue that says, This isnt going to workits too risky! If you view everything with rose colored glasses, you might find yourself in the air with no parachute.

However, when the risk is small, take the optimistic view and make a change. Dont fall into the trap of learned helplessness and let life take you for a ride. Instead, jump in the cockpit and pilot your own actions. After all, at the end of the day, you are the one who will live with the actions you took yesterday and take today and tomorrow.
_________________
An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to 30 years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies.

For the past three years, graduating seniors at Magen David Yeshivah Celia Esses High School have been participating in a very exciting and rewarding Internship program. This program was designed and implemented by Associate Principal  Sabrina Maleh, and is facilitated by a talented team of counselors and support staff.

Throughout the year students meet with advisors and complete an interest inventory to help identify the career path they would like to pursue. This year, 138 seniors were placed in internships with 96 employers in 40 different areas of career interest!

Israels 64th Independence Day was celebrated with much happiness and pride among Barkais students, staff and parent body.

Their Yom Haatzmaut program combined song, dance and prayer dedicated to Israel.

During the evening program, each student, from first through eighth grade, participated in the festivities which were held in All Sport Brooklyn. Beginning with an Israeli soldier march, they honored members of the Israeli Defense Forces and their loyalty to defending Israel. Second and third grade girls sang Rak Tefila Esa followed by the fifth grade girls exciting drumming performance. Second and third grade boys sang the pizmon Yahaloma Yahaloma. A captivating glockenspiel (a percussion instrument) performance by the fourth grade girls consisted of songs Am Yisrael Hai, David Melech Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael Sheli all of which honored Israel.

Over 200 mothers and daughters attended Hillel Yeshivas second annual Follow Your Dreams career luncheon, recently. The event, for seventh through twelfth grade girls and their mothers, featured five panelists who shared their inspiring journeys to becoming professionals in diverse fields.

The program began with an introduction by Dr. Ruth Katz, Head of School, and an inspiring Dvar Torah by Rabbi Saul J. Kassin, Rosh Yeshiva/Halachic Authority.  Dr. Gayle Krost, Vice President, Hillel Yeshiva and Chairman, Board of Education, welcomed everyone to the program which was a tribute to the memory of Mr. Saul E. Ashkenazi AH.

Cheers to everyone who attended and sponsored Art for Otsar, an inspiring evening of fine art at gallery nine5. The occasion was marked with a selection of fine wine and hors doeurves served to community members interested in contemporary art and supporting the important work done at Otsar Family Services.

Eli Greenberg, an Otsar board member, remarked that Quite a number of the children in the community have begun their education at Otsar; and the caring and professional staff has often made an impact on the children that remains wherever they go.

Gesher Yehuda held its annual bake sale in the elegant home of Micki and Ayal Horovits. Lots of dedication went into preparing this amazing event and many turned out to support Geshera wonderful organization.

Our friends told us about Gesher Yehuda a few years ago. It wasnt until we decided to host the bake sale at our home that we went for a tour of the school and saw how amazing it really is! For the children of our community who need specialized education, Gesher Yehuda is an oasis in a desert. For a child to be able to go to a school where they receive the support they need in an environment in which they can thrive is a valuable resource for both community parents and their children. The Jewish and secular education along with a personalized caring environment created by the staff, helps these children grow up to be leaders and successful members of our community and most importantly, well rounded adults. It is truly an organization that should be recognized for its continuing commitment to the welfare of our children, said Micki Horovits, as Ayal agreed wholeheartedly.

Magen David Yeshivah commemorated Yom Haatzmaut with many festive programs. Throughout the school, which was decorated in blue and white, the children and their parents rejoiced. Their enthusiasm captured the true essence of the Jewish people.

Our children are exposed to so much negative media concerning Israel. We therefore have a greater obligation to impart within their souls and hearts the beauty, glory and significance of Eretz Yisroel and the meaning of the miracle of the State of Israel becoming a reality. As we yearn for the building of the Bet Hamikdash, we appreciate that our positive support of the people of Israel will hasten that era in our time, said MDY Principal Rabbi Dr. Baruch Hilsenrath.

The Yeshivah of Flatbush had memorable ceremonies for Yom HaShoah, Yom Hazikaron and Yom Haatzmaut, which brought students and the community real stories from Holocaust survivors and IDF soldiers, choral and dramatic performances, and a joyous celebration of the 64th anniversary of the State of Israel.

Joel Braverman High School (JBHS) held two Yom HaShoah ceremonies, an evening community commemoration and a day program for students. Holocaust survivor Sylvia Weiss, author of Selected From Above, spoke about being yanked off the gas chamber line by the infamous Josef Mengele, to stay with the working prisoners at Auschwitz.

Last year, community seniors were invited to Ohel Yaacob Synagogue (The Lawrence Avenue Shul) in Deal, New Jersey, to see The Syrian Jewish Community: Our Journey Through History, Episode 2, Coming to America, which was the first documentary film tracing the history of our community.

While they watched, there was a palpable excitement in the air. They sat in rapt attention and remained transfixed as they enjoyed the poignant stories of their relatives, and other Syrian Jews, discussing their childhood experiences and those of their parents and grandparents.

When our grandfathers arrived in New York City in the early twentieth century, the first step they took towards setting down roots was opening a synagogue in lower Manhattan. Since then, it seems we have come full circle. With the Edmond J. Safra Synagogue on the Upper East Side growing by leaps and bounds, and Magen David of Union Square on 16th Street moving into a new and bigger location on Sullivan Street, our presence in NYC is about to grow even stronger.

David Duke Dweck explains, We started out downtown more than a decade ago with Shabbat services for kids and young couples dorming or living in the neighborhood. Today, we have minyanim seven days a week, 365 days a year. We have holiday services and meals; weekly Humash, Talmud and halacha classes; we have served over 10,000 young adults at Shabbat dinners that we call Sufeh in the City, brought together many singles, and even watched four marriages blossom from scratch. We are here, and have been hereand you are using us, even when you dont realize it.

For 30 Years of Wonderful Service

In 1982, the Israeli Defense Forces invaded Lebanon, the British Royal Navy sailed some 8,000 miles to retake the Falkland Islands from Argentina and the worlds most notorious terrorist was Carlos the Jackal. That same year Epcot Center opened, the first issue of USA Today was published and the first CD player was sold in Japan. And Time Magazines Man of the Year was none other than The Computer.

In 1982 the Man of the Year in the community of West Deal, New Jersey, was Rabbi Ezra Labaton. In August of that year, Rabbi Labaton was invited to become the full-time spiritual leader of Congregation Magen David of West Deal. Thirty years later, Rabbi Labaton remains a beacon not only to his congregants, but to the entire Syrian-Sephardic community.