In front of me stood two children… One of whom I knew; she was a relative of mine. Next to her stood another child, beautiful and in pain as well, but a stranger to me; someone I had never seen before and would never see again. The child I knew sat immediately to my right.
The next day…
By my side sat two women. One of whom I knew; she is a former neighbor of mine. The other woman I had never seen. Each was clearly in need. Sadness was the common thread they shared. I sensed some hope in their eyes as I stood before them. The woman I recognized sat closer to me – the other a few steps away.
A few weeks later…
Behind me two men were crying. Each was my age. One of the men I had seen at events and parties, the other I was sure I would never know. The tears of the man with whom I had celebrated were so close they touched my skin.
Each of the children, the women, and the men needed help.
What should I do? Whom should I help?
I made a decision. All at once it became clear to me!
It would be so complicated to help those I knew. Weren’t others already helping them?
Didn’t they belong to families who could help? Couldn’t they help themselves?
Doesn’t Maimonides say the best form of charity is that which is anonymous…
Wouldn’t my friends and neighbors know if I was helping them??
Yes. It was clear. Those closer to me would help themselves. I would help the strangers.
And I did, each year; year after year.
I rarely met the strangers whom I helped, although I was a told they were benefiting from my generosity. Yet over and over, I met children, women and men from my own community. Each year, more and more of my extended family members and neighbors would approach me for help. And I would help some – with a portion of what they needed.
But the strangers, those I barely knew or would never know, had captured my heart and the hearts of those around me.
Each year, we extend our hands to thousands of worthy people all over the world – yet the children down the block, the women who are the backbone of our communities and our families, and the men with whom we laugh at weddings and cry at funerals, are left with their needs largely unmet.
The scope of local needs that are left unmet is huge.
The most acute of those issues affects our young marrieds, and those beginning to build families – it is the cost of tuition.
Many of our ambitious young men and women are being crushed with tuition payments they can’t make – and will never be able to make!
And we sit in meetings for tens of hours attempting to find a solution to the tuition crises…
There is no tuition crisis. There is a crisis of understanding.
There isn’t a failure of our young marrieds to support themselves – there is a failure in our conviction to support them.
Our married children – those first beginning to build their lives financially, and those who are going through painful periods in their lives, wouldn’t consider themselves failures if we recognized our halachic (Jewish law), ethical and moral obligations to support them.
Money that helps alleviate the tuition burdens of those in places far away – must first go to alleviate the tuition burdens of our own friends, neighbors and family members.
Money that provides teachers, schoolbooks, new buildings, batei midrash (learning centers), gyms and science labs for children who are strangers – must be redirected to our sons and daughters, nieces, nephews, cousins and neighbors.
The funds that support families who are struggling – but whom we will never know – must be redirected to those we see every day, those whom will marry our children and with whom we will build our communities.
It is easier to help a stranger than it is to help a friend.
It is infinitely easier to help someone who lives in another city than it is to help a family member.
It’s sexier to champion cause – than it is to help a cousin.
We all have a deep felt love and respect for institutions and individuals in need – everywhere on the planet. We shed tears for families in need wherever they may be. We care about them and we will help them.
But the child who is related to me and is sitting right next to me, her mother who stands with me, and her father whom I’ve known my whole life – will first get my attention. Then together we will help the strangers we love.
Warmest regards,
Ricky
