In the United States today, 77% of students have experienced some form of bullying and 14% say they have experienced severe negative reactions to some form of bullying. One in five kids admits to being a bully and 8% of kids miss a day of school each month for fear of bullies. Every seven minutes a child is bullied; adult intervention is 4%; peer intervention is 11% and no intervention is 85%. These are staggering statistics, but unfortunately they are true.
There are four forms of bullying—verbal, which is name calling and teasing; social, which involves spreading rumors, leaving people out on purpose and breaking up friendships; physical, which includes hitting, punching and the use of weapons; and finally, cyberbullying, which includes the use of the Internet or mobile devices to threaten or spread malicious rumors.
Parents often ask how they can tell if their child is being bullied. Some of the symptoms of victimization are depression, anxiety, safety concerns, sadness, low self-esteem and a sudden decline in grades. What then should a parent do if their child tells them he is being bullied? First, listen and validate your child’s feelings. Ask what strategies he has tried to stop the bullying, such as being assertive or asking for help in school.
As a parent, you may feel the urge to confront the bully’s parents or even the bully. This generally makes matters worse. It is usually best to go through the school. Their number one priority is safety and the well-being of their students.
A Parent from Brooklyn Asked:
How Do I Talk To My Child About Bullying?
Ask your child if he’s make any good friends this year and who he hangs out with during lunch. This will generally get the conversation going. You may then add that you’re very concerned about him. Ask if there are any kids in school who tease him in a mean way or leave him out on purpose.
Based on his answers, you may want to talk to someone at the school and voice some of your concerns. Be prepared to give examples so the teacher is not just looking for physical abuse.
What Should I Do If I Suspect My Child Is a Bully?
Your child must hear from you that it is unacceptable for him to behave in this manner. Let him know how hurtful and harmful bullying can be. Inform him there are other ways to achieve status leadership and even power. Set up a meeting with school personnel. Let him know there are consequences for his behaviors. Set rules and clearly state that physical and hostile behaviors towards others will not be tolerated.
Look at the interactions in your home and ask yourself is there is something at home that is triggering his behavior. Lastly, be a role model. Your child learns from watching you. When he sees you treat others with respect and dignity he will follow your lead. Set realistic goals for change as this won’t happen over night.
Another Parent Asked:
What Is Cyberbullying and How Can I Prevent It?
Cyberbullying is the use of the Internet or cell phones to threaten, spread rumors and post images. This can occur when someone steals a password and sends messages from their target’s email or social networking site. The Internet can reach thousands within seconds. It is the perfect place for the faceless bully to hide. Remember the Internet is forever. You can never fully delete a posting.
Stress to your children that before they post anything on line, they must consider the consequences. Some helpful tips to prevent cyberbullying: never respond to online harassment. Block a bully from sending messages. There are several spyware programs to prevent this. Buddies should be deleted if they post any embarrassing or threatening posts or images. Document any form of harassment. The website for reporting online threats is cybertipline.com.
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Rena Laniado is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist in private practice. She has worked for the Department of Education for 25 years.She welcomes your questions. Please email her at reenchy@optonline.net
