One in four women will be a victim of a crime in her lifetime. It is an alarming statistic—but statistics can be changed. You don’t have to be a victim. All it takes is a shift in your daily routine to make a difference. We should take clues from Israeli women. Anyone who has visited Israel quickly realizes they are aware and prepared to effectively deal with a problem. They are vigilant but relaxed and confident. We need to be alert, aware of our surroundings, and walk in public with confidence—sounds obvious, right? Venture out one day and look at the people on the streets, notice what they are doing, and how aware they are of their surroundings. Think about whether you could sneak up and attack them or not. Will they see you coming while they furiously type on their smartphone? Could you assault a jogger with her music on so loud you heard it as she breezed by? Is that woman with five grocery bags looped on her arm ready to run if she feels threatened? These women would be easy to attack because not one of them is aware of her surroundings.
Let’s address two specific types of attackers—the familiar attacker and the random/unfamiliar attacker. There are similarities in their behaviors but their motivations are different. The one common thread is they are looking for weakness. He or she is looking for the girl who is texting, chatting on the phone, has her music on, etc. A girl at this level of awareness, who is totally oblivious to what is happening around her, is the one he can surprise and overpower.
The unknown attacker may choose you at random, based on his urge at the moment, or he might have noticed you previously and stalked you before making his move. The familiar attacker has chosen you as the object of his rage. His sights are set squarely on you.
The unknown attacker usually acts on impulse. It’s hard, as a rationally thinking person, to understand how someone can act heinously on impulse, but these people aren’t wired like you and I. They walk around with ill intent.
The familiar attacker will usually have a plan to hurt you, specifically. If he snaps, seemingly at random, it is because he has been harboring feelings of anger and rage towards you. Thus, he could have a calculated plan to hurt you or he may suddenly hurt you because his rage against you has reached a breaking point.
while walking down the street.
Defense against a random attacker can range from verbal resistance to extreme physical force to free yourself from the danger of the attack. Defense against a familiar attacker usually requires an elevated use of force to escape the attack. He will be more aggressive because he knows you and you know him. You can identify him, so the risk for him is high. This means he is completely comfortable with his decision to show aggression towards you—regardless of the consequences.
Although the familiar attacker is more dangerous, the plus side is that you know him, too. You know his name, his face, and his personal information. You probably have a photo you could show to the police.
If you believe someone may be planning to hurt you, take action before the situation occurs. Remember there are always clues. If someone verbalizes anger towards you or has made threats, notify authorities, family, and friends. Do not minimize his threats as just hurt and anger. It could be just that but you don’t want to risk being hurt, so write everything down—the date, a summary of the incident, and who else was around when it happened. It is always better to be safe than sorry.
If someone threatens you, there are no hard and fast rules to define the danger you’re in, due to the random nature behind the motivation of each attacker. The difference between one person and another, convicted of very similar crimes, can be dramatically different.
Thus, you need to have your plan of action ready. You must develop the awareness, confidence, and bravery you need. This takes practice.
I encourage you to take a self-defense class and always pay attention to your surroundings. Leave a situation if someone is making you feel uncomfortable. Attackers don’t want to get caught—therefore strong verbal resistance or screaming can (in some instances) work to repel an aggressor.
Separate yourself from toxic or violent people. Know your exits at all times. Know what to do when it matters most.
