PROPEL: PROFILE IN COURAGE

LAUREN IS A MOTHER OF FOUR WHOSE YOUNGEST CHILD, RENEE, HAS FACED LIFE-THREATENING HEALTH CHALLENGES SINCE HER BIRTH, 16 YEARS AGO. WITH PROPEL’S SUPPORT, LAUREN WILL BE BEGINNING COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF SOCIAL WORK’S MASTER PROGRAM IN SEPTEMBER.

When you meet Lauren Dayan, one of the first things she says is, “I’m just like all mothers.” Well, that might be true—if every mother is Supermom! A graduate of Hillel Yeshiva, Lauren got engaged in her senior year of high school and married shortly after her 18th birthday. She went to FIT for a year, focussing on interior design, but then put her schooling on hold as she and her husband began their family. Lauren became involved in her children’s school, working with the PTA, serving lunches, going to Little League games—“like every other mother.”
After having three sons, she became pregnant for a fourth time, and was ecstatic to discover that she would be having a girl. During this pregnancy, she points out, she was very involved in many hesed activities in the community and beyond.

When Renee was born, life took a turn. Lauren held her for a few minutes and then she was whisked away to the NICU. She recalls hearing a woman in the next room crying because her baby wouldn’t nurse properly, and thinking, “At least she can hold her baby.” The Dayans began a journey which continues until today. After shuttling from hospital to hospital, Renee ended up in Boston Children’s Hospital, with a feeding tube, where she remained for almost a year. Lauren would spend all week with Renee and fly home for weekends to be with her husband and three young sons. Her mother moved in, and ran the Dayan household. Lauren says that she could not have gotten through this first “new normal” without the love and support of her parents, husband and sons.

When Renee came home, Lauren recalls, “I had to change what I thought was my perfect life to the new normal. I could accept it or say, ‘Why me?’ Everyone has challenges—and this was ours.” Caring at home for a child with such significant medical needs was uncommon, but the community rallied around the family, providing volunteers who helped with any task. Lauren says, “My sons (now 20, 22 and 24) are amazing. They have helped shape my life. Their compassion and love for their sister and support of Mommy helped me continue to be the mother that I am.”

When Renee was old enough for preschool, Lauren contacted Magen David Yeshivah, but warned them, “She isn’t like a normal kid.” Rabbi Hilsenrath’s bemused response was, “What’s normal?” and Renee was accepted. With Terri Mizrahi’s leadership at the Early Learning Center, Renee went to school every day with a nurse and received all her services at school. With Renee at school, Lauren decided that it was time for her to return to school. She was no longer interested in interior design; rather, she wanted to help others, and decided to pursue occupational therapy. She began at

Kingsborough, earned her associates’ degree and then transferred to Brooklyn College, where she continued her pursuit of excellence.
At age 11, Renee transferred to the Shefa School in Manhattan, where she quickly became part of the school family. One day, the psychologist called Lauren and said “she’s not acting right,” but by the time Renee was home, she seemed her usual self. That weekend, as she was studying for finals, Lauren noticed Renee slurring her words and complaining that she had numbness in her arm. Having just taken a course in stroke and aphasia, Lauren says, “I knew there was something going on.” A visit to the hospital ended with them being sent home and a round of misdiagnoses.

The family pediatrician revealed that Renee was having transient strokes, where she would “space out” and, by the time they got to the hospital, be back to herself. Desperate, Lauren videotaped one of Renee’s episodes so that she could qualify for an MRI. After being told that there was “nothing wrong” with Renee, and that these episodes were a psychological and behavioral issue, the Dayans returned to Boston Children’s Hospital, where they were told that due to the strokes, Renee needed brain surgery. The surgery was scheduled for a few months out, and Renee continued to go to school, with Lauren at her side. The plan was that she would return to school after the surgery, and life would resume.

Lauren reminisces, “We plan and G-d laughs.” Renee had a massive stroke, and the family now had a new—new normal. With help from family, friends and the community, the house was modified and extended to meet Renee’s needs. After another year in the hospital, Renee came home. With nurses, therapists, family members and volunteers, and Lauren coordinating the entire picture—life became normal. Renee was bussed to school in Blythdale Children’s Hospital (in Westchester) every day, and Lauren returned to college. And then Renee caught the flu and almost died. Ironically, one of Lauren’s classes that term was Death and Bereavement. She felt that she was living what she was learning. Lauren got permission from her professors to learn remotely—before COVID! This continued when the pandemic struck, and all colleges transitioned to distance learning. She acknowledges the support of Brooklyn College and its faculty in helping her achieve her degree, which she earned with the high honor of summa cum laude.

At this point, Lauren stopped thinking about becoming an occupational therapist. With the support of Renee’s doctors, therapists and caregivers, she started exploring how she could help other parents who experience sudden trauma with their children. Her experiences taught her that she could be a source of inspiration, compassion and support. She started a parents group at Blythedale for parents “who I met in the hallway whose lives were turned upside down.” She felt they needed to hear from others that, even though things would be different, they would be okay. “Perfect,” she says, “is boring.” COVID complicated matters. For three months, Lauren could not leave the hospital. Her family could not visit. It was lonely. Now, Lauren goes home for Shabbat and on Sunday to be with her family, who FaceTime Renee daily. As Lauren says, “her eyes and her smile communicate.”

Encouraged by the doctors at New York Cornell, she set her sights on the Social Work program at Columbia University. Lauren reached out to PROPEL for help with the application process. Working with the PropelED team, Lauren refined her essays, and was accepted for the next cohort. She will be beginning her graduate studies in September 2021. Her immediate goal is to get Renee home and get her the care that she needs. Lauren knows that it will be a challenge to be a wife, mother, caregiver and graduate student. But, she says, “I feel that Hashem helped me through all these hurdles—this is just another one.”

Lauren’s Advice: Self-care is important. If you care for yourself, you will be better able to care for others. Every person has one kind of journey or another. If you have a dream, go for it! Don’t let tough challenges hold you down—let positivity push you forward. The sky’s the limit!

If you are interested in a career, please reach out to PROPEL. We can help you fulfill your professional goal. Follow PROPEL on Instagram @PropelNetwork
Call: 646-494-0822 or email info@thepropelnetwork.org.