PANDEMIC OR NOT, DSN KEEPS RAISING THE BAR, PROVIDING UNIQUE ACTIVITIES FOR OUR CHILDREN. STUDIES SHOW THAT KARATE STRENGTHENS THE ENTIRE BODY, IMPROVES COORDINATION, QUICKENS REFLEXES, BUILDS STAMINA AND INCREASES ONE’S OVERALL HEALTH. WITH THAT IN MIND, DSN STRUCK A PARTNERSHIP WITH A PROFESSIONAL KARATE ORGANIZATION TO BRING KARATE INTO THE DSN COMMUNITY CENTER.

Joy Assoulin, one participant’s mother, gushed “Karate at DSN is truly remarkable. My son Jared learned the basic fundamentals and even earned a white belt! I was so proud. He was so excited for every Tuesday’s karate class and is now very excited for other future classes”.

From November through March, 15 children in grades Pre-k through 4, came to DSN weekly to learn karate. Each week, they focused on a specific skill as well as a power word. One week, for example, the children learned the skill of balance. They learned that balance means to keep something or someone in a steady position, so they do not fall. They learned that when they do their martial arts moves, they must focus on good balance so they are strong and steady. They learned different types of kicks and combinations that were demonstrated at their final graduation at the end of the semester.

Frieda Shammah, DSN’s Youth Program Director, stated “There was a noticeable difference in the children’s ability from the first day to the last! On top of that, they were always so excited each week to walk through DSN’s doors for their program.”

Every single child passed all of the planned stages and received their white belt, which represents the very beginning of martial arts growth, the first stage of controlling both their minds and bodies with a clean slate and willingness to learn.
One week, a power word was confidence. Confidence is when one believes in themselves and knows that they can do something, which is not only a karate term but, more importantly, a life lesson! The more the children believed in themselves, the more they excelled.

Sammy Sitt, DSN’s Executive Director, explained why the organization has made karate lessons a priority. “Karate provides our youth with lifelong lessons of self-defense and discipline while instilling the important values of confidence and leadership. It makes us proud knowing we are preparing the next generation of leaders with the qualities for success.”

REBECCA HARARY IS WELL KNOWN IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY AS AN ACTIVIST, A MOVER AND SHAKER; SOMEONE WHO GETS THINGS DONE. SHE IS A NATURAL LEADER, WELL SPOKEN, PERSONABLE, EASY TO GET ALONG WITH, AND ALWAYS LOOKS ON THE POSITIVE SIDE. HER DEMEANOR MAKES YOU WANT TO HUG HER, TO SHARE YOUR WORRIES, TO BE HER FRIEND. SHE MAKES THOSE AROUND HER WHO ARE STRESSED FEEL RELAXED.

Over the past few decades, Rebecca’s volunteer contributions to the community have been unrelenting and the results have helped countless families in ways we cannot imagine. Children with learning disabilities and challenges educated in two different community schools, marriages stabilized, and hundreds of thousands of dollars saved in education and tuition assistance costs. From the formation of Imagine Academy, Gesher Yehuda’s Yeshiva Prep High School, and Propel Network, Rebecca had the idea, the stamina and the determination to make each dream become a reality.
And it didn’t stop there. She had her own event planning business, raised six accomplished children and ran for elected office, all with her supportive husband Joe Harary at her side. Her mother Joyce Salame has always been her role model; a woman who went to work to help her own family.

“I like to look for things that need to happen—voids— and I like to fill them,” said Rebecca in an interview. “My mother put her shoulder to the wheel, so to speak, to help our family, and I learned from her.” Rebecca serves on at least four boards of directors.

The oldest of eight children growing up in Fort Lauderdale, Rebecca Salame Harary helped her mother, Joyce (Hanan) Salame raise the younger siblings, as her father, Robert Salame A”H, worked in retail. Her father was an excellent businessman, and he taught Rebecca a lot about the art of selling, and how to form trusting relationships with clients. Her mother is a take charge woman who, among many other things, took an H&R Block class in tax prep to help her family financially. A year later, Joyce was running several H&R Block offices on the East Coast of Florida. When the family moved to Brooklyn in 1981, Joyce had the family’s eighth child, and then eventually went back to school. She earned a teaching degree as well as two masters’ degrees in administration and became a full-time English teacher and then assistant principal at Yeshivah of Flatbush for 25 years.

After being married a decade and having four children, Rebecca returned to school and graduated FIT with a degree in Display and Exhibit Design. She then started her own successful event planning business—Rebecca Designs. She later applied the business lessons learned from running Rebecca Designs with 30 full time employees to community issues. After shuttering the business in 2000, when she was expecting her sixth child, she eventually became President of the Ladies Auxiliary at Yeshivah of Flatbush, raising a record $300,000 in 2003, and taught at FIT as an Adjunct Professor in the Display and Exhibit Design Department.

Rebecca’s cousin has a child with autism and was going through a difficult time. Rebecca learned there were several other community families in the same situation, each with a child in a different school, with one paying as much as $100,000 a year for their child, with no insurance, and no Jewish education attached.

Having a child with a disability was hush-hush, a stigma, and families were afraid to be public about it. A support group of several families were meeting monthly, and Rebecca visited the group. She listened to them and suggested they start their own school for autism for community families. After forming a board of directors with four other community couples, a summer fundraiser raised over $1 million. Imagine Academy for Autism opened by September, 2004 in Brooklyn with 10 children and a waiting list of 30 more. Teaching the children in a Jewish environment, the school has become a national model for educating children on the autism spectrum, merging two popular schools of thought about educating children with autism into one school. Today, the school has more than 70 children enrolled. The building where the school is located in Brooklyn was a former condo building, and two apartments were left to teach the children life skills.

As if that wasn’t enough, Rebecca observed that there were many children in the community going into high school with milder learning challenges who were not succeeding in the typical yeshivah classroom. These children needed more support than the yeshivot could provide. Gesher Yehuda Elementary School, which was founded in 1993 by Jack and Claudie Setton to help children with mild learning challenges, with the goal of having the students return to the regular education setting, was the perfect lead to form a new community high school.

Together with Jack Setton, Rebecca founded Yeshiva Prep High School for students who needed additional academic support. The school opened in 2005 to help those students aging out of the K to 8 schools who were not yet ready to attend a high school. An agreement with Yeshivah of Flatbush High School allows Yeshiva Prep students to participate in non-academic and social activities such as morning prayers, Shabbatons, plays, gym, computer classes and more. It is mutually beneficial for Yeshivah of Flatbush, as the yeshivah may send a child to Yeshiva Prep High School for support in a particular subject.

Feeling she wanted to learn more about nonprofit management, Rebecca sought and earned a Master’s Degree from Columbia University in Nonprofit and Business Management in 2016; a degree she felt she needed when she took on the role as the founding Executive Director of the Moise Safra Community Center in Manhattan in 2012. The idea for the community center germinated while Rebecca worked as Director of Programming under Rabbi Dr. Elie Abadie at the Edmond J. Safra Synagogue in 2010. As the Upper East Side community grew with more and more Sephardic families, they needed a school and community center of their own.

As the economic crisis grew, and yeshivah tuition rose, many community families could no longer rely on one income. The number of families on tuition assistance rose, according to Project Education, to nearly 50%. It was an unsustainable situation. Women needed to contribute to their household income.

After Rebecca received hundreds of calls from women who desperately needed to work but had no career training or computer skills, she realized the community needed a place for women to gain training and marketable skills. These women needed jobs, to earn money, and the ability to contribute to the household. No one was helping them. Many women didn’t even know how to write up a resumé. Seeing the need, Rebecca wrote a business plan, and together with Ezra S. Ashkenazi, she found a space, and identified major donors to launch PROPEL Network in 2015.

The board Rebecca recruited asked her to be its first Executive Director. She hired life coaches and other professionals. Today, with co-Executive Directors Alissa Shams and Randi Eisenstein, the organization gives computer classes, coaching, resume writing, office skills and many other types of skills training. Propel Network pays for women to receive training in marketable careers such as nursing, graphic design, culinary arts, teaching, and a variety of skills. The organization helps our community women in every way possible while they are in school and receiving their certification and degrees in their chosen career paths.

By being independent and able to earn an income, many of these families have been able to reduce or even eliminate the dependency on other community charities, such as the Sephardic Food Fund, Sephardic Bikur Holim, and yeshivah tuition assistance. Financial issues can have a huge impact and place enormous stress on marriages, and the additional income has helped to save many. Women who have become PROPEL Network clients have seen their self-esteem restored as they become self-reliant and able to proudly contribute financially to their household budgets.

“We wanted to give these women meaningful and practical careers so their families were not entirely dependent on one income,” said Rebecca. “Raising children is a critical and important job of course, and we can do other constructive things as well. The culture in the community has changed and PROPEL has helped that cultural shift away from a man-centered society. Today, women can pull their weight and share in meeting the financial demands of the family.”
By helping to train women to enter the workforce, PROPEL has helped women bring in almost $10 million of fresh revenue into the community. More than 700 community women have already received training, and are excelling in their new careers, while never taking their eyes off of their children and families.

Rebecca is certainly a woman to admire as she goes from one project to another. She attributes much of her success to her husband Joseph Harary, an attorney and CEO of a publicly traded company. “My husband has been supportive every step of the way and I could not have accomplished anything without him.”

The couple met in the Deal Casino. Joe was raised in West Palm Beach. Being raised with Ashkenazic friends and neighbors, they both understood the importance of higher education. “In Florida, our parent’s friends were all doctors and lawyers,” she said. “Education was first and foremost in ensuring a solid future.”

They have also been active politically. Rebecca ran for office in New York City twice and recently formed a non-partisan pollical action committee named CASEPAC (Combat Anti-Semitism Everywhere) to fight anti-Semitism in America, and help federal candidates, who want to support legislation that will fight Jew hatred, get elected to office. She is also concerned about security issues in our own community as anti-Semitism rises.

Joe and Rebecca have passed on their values to their six children, all of whom are college graduates with careers as a teacher, a chef, a pediatric nurse practitioner, a guidance counselor, business men and women. “They understand that there is joy in working in a meaningful career. They also understand that working enables us to enjoy the fun things in life,” said Rebecca.

Rebecca is not only a volunteer; she is committed to solving problems and helping those around her in any way she can.
Maimonides listed eight levels of tzedakah (acts of loving kindness) in the Mishneh Torah. The most important level is one where the recipient can be self-reliant. It is often referred to with the phrase “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach a man to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime.” Rebecca has fulfilled this level of tzedakah multiple times.

A genealogist and historian, Sarina Roffé is the author of Branching Out from Sepharad (Sephardic Heritage Project, 2017), Backyard Kitchen: The Main Course, Backyard Kitchen: Mediterranean Salads, and the cooking app, Sarina’s Sephardic Cuisine. Editor of awardwinning journal Dorot for the JGS of NY, Sarina holds a BA in Journalism, and MA in Jewish Studies and an MBA. She is President of the Sephardic Heritage Project, Co-Chair of the Brooklyn Jewish
Historical Initiative and Chair of the Sephardic Research Division of JewishGen.

SARINA ROFFÉ

My grandmother always told me that it’s a man’s world. She had an old Arabic saying to go with it, but I think it’s better if I don’t share that here. You can use your imagination. Going back thousands of years we can recall that men were permitted to marry over and over again, while the women were not. Still, the Torah was infamously progressive at the same time, allowing for mistakes, regrets and the breaking of the marriage contract when necessary. In the book of Devarim, chapter 24, the rules for divorce are laid out clearly. It is available to ailing couples, but because the responsibilities lie in the man’s hands, so do the logistics and power. While the laws still stand, and my grandmother may have been right in her time, today women are enlightened and empowered. We live in an era of total transparency, forcing men to be held accountable. Before we think it, it is out there on the Internet for all to see. Our girls and women are no longer alone.

I had never heard the word “Aguna” before, but as I type, the “aguna crisis,” as it is being referred to, is literally blowing up all over Brooklyn, Deal, Lakewood, Monsey, Boston, Denver and even as far away as Los Angeles and London. In order to explain though, I’ll have to start from the beginning.

A halachic Jewish divorce is called a “get.” A get must be given of the husband’s free will; however, consent of the wife is not biblically mandated. The laws, stemming from the fact that men were permitted many wives, only provide for a divorce initiated by the husband. He either must release her, or be dead, in order for her to be free. While today our religion does not allow polygamy, the ancient laws regarding divorce still stand. While the wife has the right to sue for divorce in a rabbinical court, sometimes a man will completely refuse to grant it, which leaves his wife with no possibility of remarriage within Orthodox Judaism. She remains sanctified to this man and “chained” to the marriage, like an anchor to its ship. This woman is referred to as an aguna.

Free Chava

Just a few weeks ago, I came across a few Instagram posts saying, “Free Chava.” Inquiring further, I found out that Chava was a fourth-grade teacher at Flatbush. She had been trying to get her husband to give her a get for 8 years. He disappeared completely a few months ago from her and her children’s lives, literally holding her hostage, by not giving her a Jewish divorce. Scratching my head, I could not fathom what she was going through, or why he would do this to her. Can’t she go to the rabbis, I kept thinking. Where are her family, her friends—why aren’t they helping her? Little did I know, she had tried it all, and done it all, again, again, and again.

Rumor has it that in Israel, the rabbinate may confiscate passports, put get-refusers in prison, and even go so far as showing a get-refuser an unmarked grave, implying it could be his, if he refuses to comply. In London, it is illegal for a man to refuse his wife a get. Here in America, with clear separation of church and state, the aguna problem is far more difficult to solve. Divorcing parties are not automatically subjected to a beit din’s jurisdiction, and furthermore, Orthodox rabbis have pointed to many years of rabbinical sources stating that any coercion can invalidate a get, except in the most extreme of cases. Here in the United States a get-refuser may be ostracized by his community in an effort to force a get, but even these actions are difficult to enforce. Take the example of Chava’s husband, who moved to Los Angeles, where he was unknown. There he found work as a kashrut mashgiach, (of all things!) and is often invited into people’s homes for Shabbat dinners.

Enter, Mexican Pacino

Abe Manopla is 36 years old. He moved here from Mexico City when he was 16. A true character, his friends call him Plat, short for platanos. During Covid, inspired by “Live with Lee,” and the myriad of Instagram broadcasts entertaining and uniting us during this dreadful time, Manopla started his own Instashow with various interviews and food reviews, which he called Mexican Pacino. Monday night, March 8, 2021 as I sat at dinner with my kids, I noticed his “live” popping up on my feed. Curious, I joined, just as he began interviewing a get-refuser.

“I saw a post on community news,” he explained. “It said, Free Elizabeth! And I realized, that’s my friend’s wife. I decided to get him on air, to give him a chance to explain himself. I felt for him; I had my own marital problems over the years. My wife and I had actually separated, gotten divorced, and came back together a year later, to get remarried. Just to be clear, I gave her the get on the day she asked. Since then I learned a lot about listening, giving and understanding. I didn’t have any inkling as to the can of worms I was opening.”

Since that moment, Mexican Pacino has become a true cultural phenomenon. Both a chazzan and a devoted student
of Hacham Aaron Haleva and Rabbi Nahum (He gets up at 5 am every morning to go to class), Manopla has become a catalyst in a movement that has taken on a life of its own. Dalia Oziel brought Chava to the limelight, and Rabbi Eli Mansour had endorsed the first GoFundMe, which broke the stigma of silence, but Instagram put it in the hands of the people. “Together we will help the oppressed,” said Rabbi Mansour on Abe’s broadcast. Giving voice to the voiceless, Manopla is using his strength to do Hashem’s work.

Abe’s viewership has tripled, and then tripled again. He explained, “The people had heard enough; they weren’t going to stand for it. The following night Evet, another aguna came on to tell her story. She was not halachically divorced, but her husband had remarried and had three kids with his new wife! Two thousand people watched and before the end of the night, 17,000 more viewed! Between the guests and the comments, so many people were heated up and angry. They wanted to do something—and they did. When I said, “let’s rally behind them,” I meant, in spirit, but in the comments the viewers joined forces—and showed up, in front of her estranged husband’s house. East Fifth Street became mobbed with protesters. And at the same time, in Long Branch, another get-refuser’s house was
surrounded as well.”

Double Down

The day Harry Adjmi was released from the hospital last April after his life-threatening bout with Covid19, he celebrated and danced in the streets as we all watched on Instagram live. All his life Harry ran after mitzvot, helping people, but now he was a visibly changed man. “Double down,” he told the community. “We can do more.” This video was played and replayed, inspiring countless watchers to volunteer, donate, pray and help make this community better. Hearing the sad plight of these women, Harry could not stand by. The Mexican Pacino had lit the torch, and now Harry took over. He began inviting get-refusers to his home, together with Rabbi David Ozeri. Now the real work of getting these gets would begin. Harry explained, “We are working together, and it’s a Herculean effort, simply for one goal; for shalom in our community. Fighting a war is not the answer. Each of us has to have the desire for peace.”

The following day brought more live broadcasts, from activists, bloggers and laymen. Damaging voice notes and photos circulated. The consensus was clear. We must separate the topics. A get cannot and should not be used
as leverage in a divorce. It isn’t a term of negotiations or a bargaining chip to win custody or alimony. These factors are for the civil courts to decide. If a marriage is over, the get should be given. Plain and simple. The more noise was made, the more agunot came forward. I am sure these women were ashamed at first; the secrecy is part of the problem. They didn’t want to talk badly about their spouses. They didn’t want their pictures and stories out there, subject to scrutiny; but now they saw that it was making all the difference.

Murray Betesh, a friend of Manopla and a man of faith, action, and respect gave a welcoming space to some of these victims to tell their stories. He had never done anything like this before, but now he found himself in the center of a revolution. He explained, “I was getting so many calls asking for help—and I was trying my best to do everything possible to bring people to the table. Nobody realizes how the pain and trauma a person goes through affects the families and their children. I wanted to help bring peace.” In one day, Murray raised tens of thousands of dollars for the agunot. Everybody watching felt hopeful. A year ago, the world was shutting down and a black cloud was settling in. That day, with Pesach fast approaching, it seemed that sunshine and freedom were palpable.

The Get-Busters

John Stockton and Karl Malone, NBA players, have been described as the greatest pick-and-roll combination of all time. Once the Mexican Pacino had lit the aguna fire, Harry, the go-to “closer” and friend to all community members, took over the play running. Social commenters like @TheGhettoGourmet, @LyndaLevy, @The_Divorce_Specialist and so many others joined the social media frenzy, and this phrase, “Stockton−Malone−YES!” became a symbol of the fight on every live broadcast. These were the Get-Busters, and we had all become a part of their team, fighting for the right; an entire community of players creating change. While “taking it to the streets” is not usually our way, many rabbis spoke out in support of the rallies, because they saw a partnership happening. Sometimes the people can accomplish things that the rabbis want to, but struggle to act on, and achieve peacefully; Rabbi Raymond Harari explained, “I would rather have a community of people who are really upset about injustice and act on it, than a community who say, please rabbis take care of this. We are teaching the people to feel, and that’s not a bad thing.”

Sari Dana, a life coach teaching a Zen approach to young girls and women’s empowerment described the night of the first rally, “I had no idea what was going on, but it was around the corner from me, and I could literally hear the chanting from my bedroom; ‘No Get—No Peace!’ I walked over and it was surreal. I felt it was important to show up, and I’m happy that we are finally using loud voices for what used to be a silent issue.” Murray played a big part in making these rallies happen. He gave agunot like Esther the courage to get on air and be heard, validated and recognized for the first time in so long.

Lynda Levy, a vibrant community member, became involved in the social media storm. She explained, “At that first rally there was just so much craziness. People were outraged. I started to broadcast live on Instagram directly from there and the viewers were just in awe. They were angry! Instagram became like a lifeline and they were glued to their phones, for days. These were real atrocities and it gave people a direct opportunity to connect and make change. I think it gave us all a sense of unity. It was sad, but really gratifying at the same time.“

Maybe the community outrage shamed the get-refusers, or maybe it put pressure on their families to make a move. Either way, standing united, they helped accomplish in a few days what the rabbis had been trying to do for many, many years. On Thursday, March 11th, after 5 years of waiting and fighting, Elizabeth got her halachic get in Harry and Alice Adjmi’s home, surrounded by a roomful of our most dedicated rabbis and community leaders. Rabbi Mansour texted Pacino the code word, “g’mor,” meaning “done,” and again, we watched the celebration on Instagram in real time as the power of the people prevailed. Still, we have questions. Why did it take so long? Where were the rabbis? Why is it that we didn’t hear about these cases on an individual or collective basis until two weeks ago? And finally, why, oh why were there only men around the table that night?

Rabbi Shlomo Farhi answered the last question on one of Murray’s live broadcasts, agreeing that there should be women at the table, “but that’s just the first table,” he said. The rabbis had to finish what they started, and for the record, Alice was there. As for the decades-long delays, Harry explained that the answer is just not good enough, “Don’t you think if there was something they could’ve done for these women 5, 10 or 15 years ago, they would have? The rabbis have always cared about women that are stuck. They have spent thousands of hours on some cases, but the truth is, they just don’t have the power to do what is needed to be done. They were following Jewish law, but those laws don’t give them the authority or ability to force the hands of these men.”
So now, Elizabeth was free, but there were so many more still chained. Evet, Chava, Michelle, Nechama, and Rikki, and so many others—now with faces and stories behind them.

Meanwhile, the group of get-refusers coach each other on how to extort money, how to deal with the rabbis and how to evade enforcement of the laws. The common denominator—unfortunately too many of the wives are battered, and too many of these men have a flaw, a disturbance, or significant mental health issues. @Project soulmate says, “Narcissists thrive on power and putting others down—in their minds they’re right, even when they’re wrong.”

Harry added, “Nobody wants to air their dirty laundry. None of us like the bullhorns or the rallies but if it pushes that man or his family a little closer to the table, I’m okay with it. You would think they would want to move on with their lives, get remarried, and find happiness, but they are just not thinking clearly.” Many of them live in their parents’ basements, surrounded by enablers. Others just run away. Some of them are too smart for their own good. Some think they’re going to get a better deal. Others think they’re going to get their wife back. Still others are simply looking for attention; they may not have money but withholding this get gives them power. They are not only holding on to the get, they are holding on to the anger, resentment and pain that fuel their actions. Perhaps, once their energies are redirected, they can heal, and be free of that burden, too. Rabbi Eli Mansour reminds us that withholding is just another form of abuse, and is a sign that there was surely abuse present in the marriage. That is the most frightening of all.
Over three days’ time, Elizabeth, Evet, and Michelle have each received their get. Evet was waiting 17 years. Collectively, they have waited almost 30 years for their freedom. Alyssa Shams, from the organization PROPEL, said, “People are calling this a revolution, but to me it is an evolution. To see women railing against injustice gives me hope. This is only the beginning.” Hopefully, by the time this article is printed, there will be more women freed. There are still too many agunot waiting, but change is here, and the “sweep it under the rug” mentality is long gone. It seems that the social media coverage is equal to the “lashings” that get-refusers received in days of old.

Rabbi Ozeri explained, “We are living in historical times. No community has ever seen anything like this, where a number of gitin have been given to agunot in such a short time. Every man who is holding back a get from his wife should take heed and realize that this is the time to come forward and do the right thing. The community has no more patience for men who refuse to give their wife a get. Our way is a way of pleasantness and peace. No one is looking to fight, and no one is looking for protests. It is time to do the right thing.” To the refusers, he says, “come forward, speak up and we will help you through this agonizing time in your life.”

A Rock and a Hard place

Nothing is better than a beautiful marriage, and the Torah teaches us how to find that, but sometimes the world is cruel. I have heard the mikveh ladies whispering about the bruises they’ve seen, but often there is nothing they can do about it. The women stay silent; what will the neighbors think? What will my mother think? And the worst one, maybe I deserved it. The rabbis often encourage women to go back and try to make the marriage work, again and again. They do, because they are G-d fearing, religious women. Their stomachs are in knots—is tonight the night he will beat me? Will he berate me in front of my children? They practice the answers, telling themselves that they will fight back this time. They blame themselves. They worry about the effects a divorce will have on their kids. They feel lost and alone, even when family and friends are doing their best. “If I were the daughter of a rabbi or the daughter of a prominent community member, I would not still be waiting for my get,” one aguna said to me. This is sad, but I don’t believe it is true. No matter who you are, it is very hard to force a man’s hand. Jewish law states that he must give the get willingly. This takes much finesse.

Our sources tell us that the mizbaeach cries when a get is given, but sometimes these are tears of happiness. It is said that Hashem has spent every day of the last 5781 years choosing partners and pairing each of us off. He does not want even one of his children to ever be in pain, or feel alone.

Alice Adjmi has been in the room as Harry and Rabbi David Ozeri try to reason with these men. She reveals, “You have no idea how challenging it is. People ask me, why the pat on the back for this heartless man who kept a woman chained for more than a decade? Why the applause when he finally does the right thing? The answer is, he is a ba’al teshuva (someone who has done wrong, regretted his behavior, and then did the right thing). It’s a delicate balance. We are looking to the future, not at this one husband, or this one marriage. These men, and anyone you are trying to lead on a better path, need positive reinforcement. Nobody’s all good, or all bad. We must give them positivity. We want them to be happy and to go on with their lives.”

Harry continued, “As these cases have overwhelmed me in the last two weeks, I’ve seen that almost none of the moms said that these men are bad fathers. Unless he deserves to be incarcerated, he should be allowed to be with his children. On both sides, the get cannot be a bargaining tool. It’s just not right. After her son finally signed the get, one mom said to me, ‘It’s the first good night’s sleep I’ve had in five years.’ These men and their families are dueling within themselves. We are trying to give them a path to clarity.”

Harry is angry. He is angry that both our community and the Ashkenaz communities allowed this to go on for so long. “There’s frustration, but we all have to calm down. It’s a process; and it takes time. Push the men our way and we can then hope that the balance of what has to happen, can happen, and will happen.” Harry is also well aware that the success we are seeing right now is not accidental. “We are each doing our part, but there is a divine presence at work here; we all must understand this. After all these years, why now? Hashem is giving us the strength to get through these cases, one by one. As for the men who are coming forward, success is contagious, and everybody wants to get in bed with the winners. They are seeing that it’s not that painful; you can do this, you can be a hero. We have to do every single thing we can to set these women free and get their lives back. Everyone deserves to be happy.”

Solutions

Evet is a newcomer; her family arrived in America in 1992. She stated, “When I told my parents I wanted a divorce, they said, ‘what’s a divorce?’” Seventeen years waiting for her get, today she is a thriving business owner of a lighting store called Light Lab Designs, and encourages other women to stay strong. “I can’t be angry at the world. It isn’t productive and you can’t live your life that way. You’ll only end up raising angry children. My advice: don’t allow them into the mess. Try to be positive. I didn’t slip through the cracks—I called the rabbis every day for ten years. Every Shabbat I’d ask, ‘any good news, rabbi, so that I can light my candles?’ Rabbi Ozeri, Rabbi Saul Maslaton, and others, they really tried. Marvin Azrak, A”H was incredible. He was spearheading a movement to help agunot before he passed, and put so many hours into my case. I went to 127 beit dins, from most lenient to most conservative. I fought for my freedom for years. I have seven filing cabinets filled with beit din papers in my basement. I would have loved if there was an edict or a way of enforcing the law, but I cannot look back—only forward.”

Evet is a role model, and a symbol of hope and strength for us. If she can get through this, anyone can. Looking forward, we can only speculate. Our rabbis are clear, it is a commandment for these men to free their wives if the marriage is over. Back in the day, married men took this mitzvah so seriously, that if they went off to war they would sign the get and leave it with the rabbi, just in case they went missing. They are sinning every day that they deny their wives the get, but even as the rabbis work tirelessly to find answers, the solution is complicated. So how do we protect our children? How do we prevent this from happening even one more time?

Rabbi Raymond Harari and many others go by the RCA Beit din of America prenup, which provides a fee of $150 dollars a day, paid to the wife every day from the time she asks for the get. This amounts to over $50 thousand a year, and can be enforced in a court of law. Still, if the husband is bitter, hostile, or broke, as is often the case, he is not paying alimony, child support, or this fee. Can we put a time limit in the prenup on giving the get? Maybe this is the answer. And still there is a stigma surrounding the prenup in the first place; number one, isn’t it unpleasant to be discussing divorce, when two people are starting their lives together as man and wife? Also, is it creating an easy road to divorce—something none of us want? Rabbi Harari answered with an example, “When we build a shul, we put in a sprinkler system. We hope there will never be a fire, but we still secure the mechanism to protect us in an emergency.” Number two, it is embarrassing for parents to have to ask their new son-in-law to sign a prenup. Some leaders recommend mainstreaming the prenup; taking it out of the hands of the couple and incorporating it into the marriage formalities. By signing, they are saying to their prospective spouse, I love you so much, I never want to hurt you. Others think this is still not enough. While we cannot change a law from the Torah, we can “put a fence around it.” The same way our leaders wrote an edict 70 years ago, and reaffirmed it six times since, why can’t we create an edict to address this problem?

Rabbi Shlomo Farhi, on a live broadcast, discussed several other ways to address the problem. “We shouldn’t only focus on fixing the broken marriages, but helping people get into the right marriages. To do that, we need our children to understand what marriage and love are, and what they are not. What are they expecting? Often for each of us its different, and that is when we feel let down. It’s about bending yourself to be there for your spouse. It’s about acceptance, and forgiveness. We know there will not be a ‘one size fits all’ solution here. Each case may need a task force of a rabbi, an attorney and a psychologist in tandem to chart the smartest way forward. Ultimately, we need an ironclad system that blocks every exit. It needs to be legally enforceable, and it needs to be something that everyone can sign on for. A combination of education before marriage, the best kind of prenup approved by all of our Sephardic rabbis, a get-refuser registry, and the right type of person applying the right type of pressure when problems arise. We will try to free everyone, but it’s incredibly important to understand that what works in one case, may hurt in another. One person may be the type to cave to pressure while another might dig his heels in. There is nothing more dangerous than someone who has nothing to lose.”

Rabbi Joey Haber reminds us that we have to look further back, listen to the people who are suffering more diligently, and see situations for what they are before they come to a boil. “The fact that the community is coming together on this is a good thing, but to prevent this from happening to them, our children should try to choose people for the right reasons who can be their partners and best friends. Look at the midot of the person, do they anger easily? Are they demeaning in public or when they get upset? Once married, as couples, we need better ideals. The hardest work is the time spent understanding each other. We need to try to understand and validate each other on the deepest level. We are each kings and queens. This is a wake-up call for all of us. Every husband and wife must step up their game. We need to inspire the good to be better.”

Rabbi Eli Mansour reminds us that marriage is a two-way street, and that there are two and three sides to every story. “There are also women who refuse to receive gets. They stop the father from seeing the children, they hold it as a tool to get a better settlement. It is ugly all the way around, but these cases are only a small percentage of the norm. In reality, we are implored to treasure the sanctity of marriage. We have to work harder, teach our children better, and try not to give in to the careless way people are treating marriages today.

Pauline Dushey heads an organization called Harmony; before we take the wheel of a car, we all take driving lessons—these are lessons in getting along. Of course, if the relationship is abusive on either side, and the marriage is over, a get should be given, but a contract is only worth something if its enforceable. We need to come up with a kosher halachic prenup—with endorsement from our rabbis. Our community organizations are also available; SAFE, Bikur Holim, The Shalom Task Force, ORA, which has been helping agunot for years, and many others are all here for us. It does not have to come to this.”

We are braver than we think, and stronger than we know

The fabric of our community is based around family and Torah values, and everything that is happening today is working towards that. Many women are still leading double lives; chained, but taking care of their families and doing what they have to do. Today, a transformation is happening. Photos of get-refusers are now in the lobbies of our synagogues and community support is out in full force. Is that a good thing? Is it fair to the children and families of the get-refuser? Silence and secrecy are toxic, but shame is sometimes worse than death. We are still the children of Israel; of Aram Soba. We don’t need to know the details, and we don’t need to speak lashon hara. We need to make changes in the way we behave, so this doesn’t happen anymore. We shouldn’t have to choose between justice and integrity, but this situation is forcing our hands. We can and must do better.

My phone is next to me, permanently plugged in, because what battery could possibly stay charged while watching Instagram around the clock? Thousands of viewers tune in to Mexican Pacino’s broadcast every day. People of all different ages and types are coming together to support this issue; layman, rabbis, liberal and conservative. This crisis has taken on a life of its own, using social media, finally, for good. As I go over the events of the past few weeks, my heart breaks, over and over again. While it may or may not be a man’s world, it’s beautiful to see both men and women standing up for what’s right. I can’t help but turn to the women in the Tanach who were so strong. Sara, Rivka, Rachel and Leah, Miriam, Devorah, Yael, and Esther, each changing the world in her own way. My grandmother taught me a lot, but mostly she taught me that our power comes from the inside. If we raise our sons and daughters with confidence and self-esteem, then maybe we will see less of these traumas in the future.

“The winners are the do-ers,” Harry said, so that’s who we are going to be. What can I do, I keep asking myself; how can I help? I can write, I say. As Rabbi Ozeri said, “May peace reign in our community and may we see the coming of the mashiach speedily.”

Thank you to everyone, mentioned and not mentioned, who spoke to me and allowed me to share their thoughts in this article. Whenever I write for the community, I am extremely careful with my words, but this piece was particularly volatile. What happened to these women is inexcusable. I wrote with a full heart aching for them, and I hope
that I did not inadvertently hurt or insult anyone in the process. May Hashem watch over my words and our community and never allow anything like this to happen again.
~ Sophia Franco, community writer and lyricist

Sophia Franco

ONE OF THE CONSTANTS FOR THE ALL-YEAR-ROUND COMMUNITY ON THE JERSEY SHORE HAS BEEN THE MEN’S BOWLING LEAGUE. THE LEAGUE HAS EVOLVED INTO THE WINTER SOCIAL MAGNET ON THE SHORE. MEN AGED 20-75 COME TO PLAY, EXERCISE, INTERACT, ENJOY AND RELAX.

The bowling league has adapted to Covid protocols and safely distanced its way to yet another successful season. Albert Antebi, a league player, remarked “Through all the craziness of Covid, we are still able to have fun and be safe at the same time. The league is providing a much-needed break for everyone involved.” With 18 weeks completed through February, it has been smooth sailing for all.

Many young men, having just moved to Jersey, have joined the league to socialize and celebrate the Jersey night life. Newcomers are promptly directed by friends and community members to join the league for sanity and fun. “It’s the item that keeps us together,” says longtime bowler David ‘Labo’ Labaton. The league meets one night per week, from the end of Sukkot to the week before Pesach, taking time off for winter vacation.

“The league has become as essential as a summer mazza party,” said bowler Richie Braha. It’s geared to ensure that everyone is on a level playing field. To that end, each bowler receives a handicap. Weaker bowlers have points added to their average so they can compete with better, more established bowlers. “All the games are pretty close,” explained Bowling Commissioner David ‘Sut’ Sutton. Each team has four players with teams rotating to play a different opponent each week. Standings and statistics by team and individual are emailed to players each week.

The bowlers’ scoring averages are between 100-200. There was even a perfect 300 score game! As the Jersey Shore continues to grow, the DSN Bowling League simultaneously continues to grow. Albert Hakim, a bowling committee member, shared how the growth has been handled. “The league has worked hard to ensure we don’t turn away any community members.”

Sammy Sitt, DSN’s Executive Director summarized, “The DSN Bowling League has emerged as the staple, go-to winter activity for our men. We are thrilled that it has been a huge success. Providing our men with an active, social and fun environment is important now more than ever.“

THE SEPHARDIC COMMUNITY ALLIANCE (SCA) HAS BEEN USING TECHNOLOGY TO ENSURE LEARNING AND ENGAGING WITH THOUGHT-LEADERS CAN CONTINUE AND EVEN THRIVE, DESPITE THE LIMITATIONS CAUSED BY THE PANDEMIC. THIS IS EVIDENT IN THE EXPANSIVE OFFERING OF DAILY CLASSES, SPECIAL HOLIDAY-THEMED DAYS OF LEARNING, AND IMPORTANT MEDICAL FORUMS ORGANIZED BY THE SCA.

On December 22, the SCA ran an incredible interactive program, this time with Jewish Human Rights Activist Natan Sharansky and Gil Troy, the co-author of his new book, Never Alone: Prison, Politics, and My People. This talk was especially unique in that it was designed specifically for our community high school seniors. The students of Magen David Yeshivah Joe & Celia Esses High School, Hillel Yeshivah High School, and Yeshivah of Flatbush Joel Braverman High School were able to digitally watch and speak with Sharansky and Troy.

Thanks to the generosity of Mr. Joseph Shamie and the SCA, students from all three schools received copies of the book prior to the talk. This allowed students to explore Natan’s incredible story and discuss the material with their teachers before the event.

Moderated by SCA Trustee and Board Member Jeffrey Beyda, the first half of the program explored the importance of Jewish identity with connecting to something larger than yourself, the role of student activism in the freeing of Soviet Jewry, the importance of continued student activism to advance support of Israel and to fight anti-Semetism, and a discussion about the parallels Natan sees in the pressures he experienced in the Soviet Union to conform to “acceptable opinions’’ with those felt by students today on college campuses.

Jeffrey Beyda explained “The pressure our college students are under today on campus to check their Jewish identity and pro-Israel beliefs at the door—just to be accepted—is enormous. This is why the SCA has made helping prepare our college bound youth for this difficult reality a major focus.

Natan’s story is a real-life example of how tapping into the power of Jewish identity can help one overcome these pressures to conform, and to become an activist who fights back peacefully, with dignity, and in a way that inspires others to bring real and lasting change. Natan is an amazing role model for many of us in this regard, and is especially relevant for our kids who are heading off to college.”

The second half of the program saw thoughtful questions posed by the students which led to discussions on a variety of topics including how the campus environment changes from one US administration to another. Gil Troy, co-author and world renowned presidential historian, academic and Zionist, portrayed for the students how the college environment might evolve over the next few years, and what tools students can use to cope.

Rabbi Joseph Beyda, Principal at the Yeshivah of Flatbush said “Natan Sharansky is a generational leader and therefore one the students will always be proud to say, “I was on a Zoom with Sharansky.” Mrs. Esther Tokayer, Associate Principal at Magen David Yeshivah High School, echoed the same sentiments, saying that her students “truly did feel that they were engaging with people who lived Jewish history, and are proud representatives of the Jewish people.”

Ricky Novick, SCA Board Member who arranged for Natan and Gil to speak to the students said “This program truly was an incredible success in connecting our youth across three schools with one shared goal: to give our kids the opportunity to talk with a true history maker, and to help prepare them for the world they will find themselves in when they reach college. We look forward to many more programs like this one.”

Sarah Sarway, IS A Board Member of the Sephardic Community Alliance. Visit scaupdates.org for more information.

SARAH SARWAY

I CAN MAKE A MEAN CEDAR PLANK SALMON ON THE BBQ. IT DIDN’T JUST HAPPEN, THERE WAS AN EVOLUTION AND A LEARNING CURVE TO BRING IT TO THE PERFECTION THAT IT HAS BECOME. IT EVOLVED BY TRYING DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES OF SOAKING THE PLANKS, ADJUSTING THE HEAT, AND FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE AND RATIO OF ROSEMARY AND LEMON PEEL TOPPING.

Due to my precise and orderly rituals, stringent prep rules, and the fresh and meticulously proportioned ingredients, the final product is one that will make palettes dance in ecstasy.

Finding that balance took trial and error as well as time, and when I think of my first blundered attempt at creating this recipe, it’s now obvious what I did wrong. I’m a fan of rosemary. It’s the type of flavor and aroma that one has to acquire, but once you do it treats your taste buds to an exquisite pleasure. Because I’m so fond of this aromatic herb, I used it very generously in my first crack at the recipe. I took dried sprigs and ground them to rub coat the entire salmon’s surface, and a few fresh uncut stems to garnish the top. It surely looked amazing and smelled pungent, but the flavor was so overpowering that you couldn’t even taste the salmon itself. As odd as it sounds I had ruined it by adding too much of my favorite flavor.

This was my first self-taught lesson in cooking—that less can actually be more. I learned that my number one herb is better enjoyed in a subtle presence than it is in an in-your-face packed punch.
The recipe for life, much like in cooking, is all about balance. Some say too much is never enough, or the more the merrier, but there are times where the opposite mindset prevails. Sometimes, a single rose can be even more poignant, beautiful, or sentimental than the clumsily slapped together arrangement.

One of the things that I loved, particularly in this past year, was the smaller weddings I attended. The pandemic has downsized our celebrations but in my opinion, the intimacy gave them an atmosphere that embraced its guests and brought us closer to the core of the event. The mere fact that the guest list had to be reduced by hundreds highlighted the fact that the people who did make the guest list are the ones who matter the most. The venues were quaint and personal, and whether it was a tented backyard or a smaller banquet room at a country club, it captured the moments with the distinctiveness of a close family gathering, which is a feeling that the grand humongous, opulent ballrooms we’re used to just can’t provide. There was a beauty in the simplicity that couldn’t be duplicated in a larger setting. It worked well. Just like scaling down the rosemary on my salmon, we were able to appreciate the less—all the more.
As humans we know what we like and we want what we want. Our society is one of excess. We tend to crave the elaborate over the simplistic. But if we learn to focus on the essentials, we might find enhanced fulfillment. It just might be that the secret to happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to appreciate less.

BRIAN MARCUS

Brian Marcus is a community member who loves to write. He has contributed to IMAGE Magazine many times.

THIS MORNING, I WENT ON A WALK WITH SHIRLEY CATTON THROUGH PROSPECT PARK. I WOULDN’T CALL IT A WALK, EXACTLY, IT WAS MORE OF AN EXPERIENCE, A HAPPENING—MAYBE EVEN A JOURNEY. IN 2021, AFTER ALL WE’VE BEEN THROUGH, IT FELT LIKE FREEDOM.

Let me backtrack. “Curly Shirley,” as she is known, is a character like no other. She jokes that her hair, blonde and corkscrewed, has its own zip code; her followers know it is only part of her charm. Her outfits are bright and sunny, like her smile. Her energy is contagious. Her sincerity is real, and deep.

In the summer I had seen Shirley leading a group of women across the beach on the Jersey Shore. Each girl had a headset, and skip in her step. Though I couldn’t hear the music, I could feel the joy they were experiencing. She calls the workout, “High on Life.” I wanted to know more.

Shirley had been a fitness instructor teaching Zumba and Barre for many years, but in November 2018, a full year before we’d ever heard the word Covid, she decided to take a break. Her body spent, her mind tired, she took the time for herself. She would bring her headphones to the park and explore, understanding that sometimes you have to get lost to be found. She took different paths, just feeling the sounds and beats of her music, and sometimes she just couldn’t help but dance. A teacher at heart, she thought, what if I brought people here to walk and dance with me? Would they enjoy it as much as I do?

Shirley was hesitant. She was on the threshold of a brand-new concept, and it was scary to think about starting over, but she saw the fall leaves changing color and knew it was now or never. On her birthday in November 2019, she sent a text out to her students, “This is only happening once. Meet me in the park to do something weird. Come on time, and make sure you are hands-free. We start at 9:30 am.”

About twenty girls showed up for that first class in Prospect Park. Shirley had a giant speaker in her mesh backpack and 586 acres of park to discover. She recalls, “The park has such great energy; there are so many different paths and tunnels and the music echoes in such a cool way in those spaces! I became a staple there, in my neon yellow jacket, and the park regulars would cheer us on as we came by, jumping, moving and grooving right along with us.”

For the first few months, life was normal, and the class built up a nice momentum. Even as we started hearing about Coronavirus, Shirley continued to teach because outside, they were safe in nature. Of course, in March 2020, the virus creeped into every crevice of our lives. We hoarded Lysol and toilet paper and even meat, and both indoor and outdoor activities quickly screeched to a halt. Shirley recalls, “We had been through so much anguish in those spring months. But by the time summer came around and we started getting out again, I came back to teaching in a unique position. My class was already outside. No one wanted to be indoors, and I was prepared. I can’t help but think that Hashem prepared me.”

A Mind Body Dance

During her year to herself Shirley explored more than the park. She merged body and soul, meditated, and concentrated on her breathing and mental health, incorporating all of it into her High on Life Experience. “I learned something: It’s not about the grind—it’s not about how high you can jump or how low you can squat—those are the attitudes that wear us down. Life is too hard to worry about that. Nature is huge. The scenery is always new, and the backdrop always changing; there’s always something fresh to see. It’s so much more than just a workout.”
When summer came, Shirley switched from her giant speaker to silent disco headphones so as not to disturb the peace in New Jersey, but that in itself added another element. She explains, “The headphones create a less chatty atmosphere. You’re in your head, but with people. You’re alone, but together. It’s you and the music. There’s no front row. We move together, engaging in nature. There are no mirrors, and no one to impress. It’s grounding, and yet it’s also always shifting and moving. It’s free from stress; a time to just let go, and be.”

Being Alive

Shirley takes her students barefoot on the beach, running through the rain, and rambling under the golden sunset. As we trekked through fresh snow last week in Manhattan Beach, one of the girls said, “If you told me a year ago I’d be outside working out in 20 degrees, I would have laughed at you. Today, I’m not even thinking about the cold.” We’ve grown a thicker skin this year, and all this positivity is priceless in the era of Corona. Shirley chooses her music carefully, infusing thoughts about gratitude, choosing life, and staying focused in the present. She plays a Hebrew song called, Rak Hayom, (Just Today). Another favorite is, “I Feel Human,” and another is, “Brand New,” encouraging us to fly through an open field like the birds overhead. Picture twenty girls with their arms out, taking flight. I kid you not—this is liberty.
Shirley explains, “We don’t pay enough attention to our anxieties, worries, stress, uncertainties, each of us is like a big balloon that needs some air let out, before it bursts. We need to breathe and to feel our breath. I am offering this hour, not only to exercise, but to release.”

High on Life could not have come at a better time. There’s a doorway out of this nightmare but it only exists in our minds. Blending fitness, nature and happiness, Shirley “thinks in lyrics and moves through song.” Through music, laughter and spontaneity she opens us up to gain a deeper appreciation for the simple things. “We can all do better than taking pictures with our phones,” she says, “Blink, fast. Take a snapshot through your mind’s eye. Hold onto this moment, this one glorious breath. Savor it.”

2020 was impossible, heartbreaking, cold and unforgiving, but it also filled us up with so much love for the things we did have—home, family, nature, faith. We often ask, why? What is the message? Maybe, as we developed an unparalleled appreciation for the quiet joy, the unbridled laughter, and spent many, many days, weeks and months embracing each other in every way we could, we learned to live with less, and found satisfaction within ourselves. Shirley Catton, through High on Life, taps into the fact that we need to let go. Most people want to be in control, but now we cannot. We need to trust in Hashem. We need freedom from worry. Everything is as it should be. We watch the news. We read the paper. We understand clearly now that we know nothing. Let go. We don’t know how this story will end, but eventually we will see it all with great clarity. Maybe, High on Life is just a fitness class, or maybe it is more.

After dancing, running, jumping and walking through the park with Shirley I am truly spent, in a good way. I’m feeling alive, tired and energized all at once. I have been to Shirley’s class in the studio, but I think the space was never big enough to contain her spirit. The sky is the limit with her, and she has taken her experience all over, from lakes to beaches, to Central Park and hopefully soon, over the Brooklyn Bridge. You never know where you’re going to be or what it’s going to look like. When you don’t know where life is going to take you, you just need to keep moving.

Find #HighOnLife @curlyshirleycatton on Instagram

Sophia Franco, 53, is a mom and grandmother who has been feeding her love of reading and writing for as long as she can remember through poetry, community journalism, and songwriting. She has written many songs with Yaakov Shwekey but the first, I Can Be, has become an anthem for the Special Children’s Center and the community at large.

SOPHIA FRANCO
Photos by RENEE MENASHE

LAUREN IS A MOTHER OF FOUR WHOSE YOUNGEST CHILD, RENEE, HAS FACED LIFE-THREATENING HEALTH CHALLENGES SINCE HER BIRTH, 16 YEARS AGO. WITH PROPEL’S SUPPORT, LAUREN WILL BE BEGINNING COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF SOCIAL WORK’S MASTER PROGRAM IN SEPTEMBER.

When you meet Lauren Dayan, one of the first things she says is, “I’m just like all mothers.” Well, that might be true—if every mother is Supermom! A graduate of Hillel Yeshiva, Lauren got engaged in her senior year of high school and married shortly after her 18th birthday. She went to FIT for a year, focussing on interior design, but then put her schooling on hold as she and her husband began their family. Lauren became involved in her children’s school, working with the PTA, serving lunches, going to Little League games—“like every other mother.”
After having three sons, she became pregnant for a fourth time, and was ecstatic to discover that she would be having a girl. During this pregnancy, she points out, she was very involved in many hesed activities in the community and beyond.

When Renee was born, life took a turn. Lauren held her for a few minutes and then she was whisked away to the NICU. She recalls hearing a woman in the next room crying because her baby wouldn’t nurse properly, and thinking, “At least she can hold her baby.” The Dayans began a journey which continues until today. After shuttling from hospital to hospital, Renee ended up in Boston Children’s Hospital, with a feeding tube, where she remained for almost a year. Lauren would spend all week with Renee and fly home for weekends to be with her husband and three young sons. Her mother moved in, and ran the Dayan household. Lauren says that she could not have gotten through this first “new normal” without the love and support of her parents, husband and sons.

When Renee came home, Lauren recalls, “I had to change what I thought was my perfect life to the new normal. I could accept it or say, ‘Why me?’ Everyone has challenges—and this was ours.” Caring at home for a child with such significant medical needs was uncommon, but the community rallied around the family, providing volunteers who helped with any task. Lauren says, “My sons (now 20, 22 and 24) are amazing. They have helped shape my life. Their compassion and love for their sister and support of Mommy helped me continue to be the mother that I am.”

When Renee was old enough for preschool, Lauren contacted Magen David Yeshivah, but warned them, “She isn’t like a normal kid.” Rabbi Hilsenrath’s bemused response was, “What’s normal?” and Renee was accepted. With Terri Mizrahi’s leadership at the Early Learning Center, Renee went to school every day with a nurse and received all her services at school. With Renee at school, Lauren decided that it was time for her to return to school. She was no longer interested in interior design; rather, she wanted to help others, and decided to pursue occupational therapy. She began at

Kingsborough, earned her associates’ degree and then transferred to Brooklyn College, where she continued her pursuit of excellence.
At age 11, Renee transferred to the Shefa School in Manhattan, where she quickly became part of the school family. One day, the psychologist called Lauren and said “she’s not acting right,” but by the time Renee was home, she seemed her usual self. That weekend, as she was studying for finals, Lauren noticed Renee slurring her words and complaining that she had numbness in her arm. Having just taken a course in stroke and aphasia, Lauren says, “I knew there was something going on.” A visit to the hospital ended with them being sent home and a round of misdiagnoses.

The family pediatrician revealed that Renee was having transient strokes, where she would “space out” and, by the time they got to the hospital, be back to herself. Desperate, Lauren videotaped one of Renee’s episodes so that she could qualify for an MRI. After being told that there was “nothing wrong” with Renee, and that these episodes were a psychological and behavioral issue, the Dayans returned to Boston Children’s Hospital, where they were told that due to the strokes, Renee needed brain surgery. The surgery was scheduled for a few months out, and Renee continued to go to school, with Lauren at her side. The plan was that she would return to school after the surgery, and life would resume.

Lauren reminisces, “We plan and G-d laughs.” Renee had a massive stroke, and the family now had a new—new normal. With help from family, friends and the community, the house was modified and extended to meet Renee’s needs. After another year in the hospital, Renee came home. With nurses, therapists, family members and volunteers, and Lauren coordinating the entire picture—life became normal. Renee was bussed to school in Blythdale Children’s Hospital (in Westchester) every day, and Lauren returned to college. And then Renee caught the flu and almost died. Ironically, one of Lauren’s classes that term was Death and Bereavement. She felt that she was living what she was learning. Lauren got permission from her professors to learn remotely—before COVID! This continued when the pandemic struck, and all colleges transitioned to distance learning. She acknowledges the support of Brooklyn College and its faculty in helping her achieve her degree, which she earned with the high honor of summa cum laude.

At this point, Lauren stopped thinking about becoming an occupational therapist. With the support of Renee’s doctors, therapists and caregivers, she started exploring how she could help other parents who experience sudden trauma with their children. Her experiences taught her that she could be a source of inspiration, compassion and support. She started a parents group at Blythedale for parents “who I met in the hallway whose lives were turned upside down.” She felt they needed to hear from others that, even though things would be different, they would be okay. “Perfect,” she says, “is boring.” COVID complicated matters. For three months, Lauren could not leave the hospital. Her family could not visit. It was lonely. Now, Lauren goes home for Shabbat and on Sunday to be with her family, who FaceTime Renee daily. As Lauren says, “her eyes and her smile communicate.”

Encouraged by the doctors at New York Cornell, she set her sights on the Social Work program at Columbia University. Lauren reached out to PROPEL for help with the application process. Working with the PropelED team, Lauren refined her essays, and was accepted for the next cohort. She will be beginning her graduate studies in September 2021. Her immediate goal is to get Renee home and get her the care that she needs. Lauren knows that it will be a challenge to be a wife, mother, caregiver and graduate student. But, she says, “I feel that Hashem helped me through all these hurdles—this is just another one.”

Lauren’s Advice: Self-care is important. If you care for yourself, you will be better able to care for others. Every person has one kind of journey or another. If you have a dream, go for it! Don’t let tough challenges hold you down—let positivity push you forward. The sky’s the limit!

If you are interested in a career, please reach out to PROPEL. We can help you fulfill your professional goal. Follow PROPEL on Instagram @PropelNetwork
Call: 646-494-0822 or email info@thepropelnetwork.org.

SINCE ITS INCEPTION, THE SYRIAN SEPHARDIC JEWISH COMMUNITY HAS CULTIVATED AND NURTURED A STRONG BOND WITH THE LAND OF ISRAEL. WE ARE EDUCATED ON ITS HISTORY IN OUR YESHIVOT. FAMILIES HAVE LONG MADE IT THE CENTERPIECE OF THEIR MILESTONES, CELEBRATING BAR MITZVAHS AND WEDDINGS ON ITS HOLY GROUNDS.

There is no disputing the relationship that any one of us have towards Israel and yet, the possibility of investing in a second or primary residence seems remote and untenable to many. SY Israel Link, a new non-profit presided over by Rabbi Moses Haber, hopes to dispel any notions of impracticality. The board is composed of a dynamic group, including VP Moshe Laniado, Secretary Eli Mizrahi, Treasurer Ralph Sasson and Director of Marketing, Daniel Levy. They all work tirelessly towards one goal, to deepen our community’s commitment towards the Holy Land.

SY Israel Link was founded with a simple mission: to promote and facilitate the strengthening of our community’s bond with Israel. It is their belief that moving towards investing, whether it be as a business opportunity or a temporary residence, is one realistic way to begin. Apparently, others agree. A survey conducted by SY Israel Link uncovered a keen interest amongst participants, ages 35 to 65, in purchasing property in Israel. Overall, their reluctance stemmed not from a lack of desire, but trepidation surrounding the process. Common concerns included: Which city should I look in? What kind of neighborhood best suits my needs? Where do the majority of the other Syrian Jewish families live? In other words, people did not know where to start. Consider then, SY Israel Link as your resource.

The group continues to survey community members in order to gage a clear picture of the wants and needs of those who are considering an investment in Israel. For example, they’ve found that 34% of participants view an investment as a stepping stone towards moving. But their reasons vary; 23% see the residence as a security home, while 21% would like to move full-time and 10% are more interested in a vacation home. As they gather more data from the community, SY Israel Link is better positioned to guide prospective buyers through their process. So far, the organization has identified over 150 Syrians who have made aliyah over the last 35 years. They include members from all segments of our community, from teachers and rabbis to lawyers and tech entrepreneurs. SY Israel Link has mapped out their locations and they can be viewed on the organization’s website. They’ve also contacted many of these individuals, who are ready and eager to help and welcome new community members in any way that they can.

The organization is poised and ready to inspire, educate and simplify the process of investing in our homeland. They understand the hesitancy to jump into an investment. Rather, SY Israel Link encourages incremental steps towards a longer term goal: the establishment of a flourishing Syrian Sephardic community in Israel. These steps can include more Friday night dinner conversations, formal and informal education, or a family commitment to visit Israel if and whenever feasible.

The current tenuous political climate, growing anti-Semitism and a government that seems increasingly divided has left many in our community feeling lost and untethered. More and more, Israel represents a beacon of hope for those seeking opportunity, whether that be via professional advancement or spiritual growth. And while it has become apparent, perhaps more than ever before that Israel is our one true home, there is much to uncover without making the move just yet.

SY Israel Link is not asking you to pack your bags tomorrow, but rather, to begin the process of genuinely understanding what it might look like to plant the seeds of your future in Israel. The data clearly shows that many in our community are seriously considering an investment in Israel. SY Israel Link asks that you complete and share their survey so they can continue to better their efforts in abetting this process, bringing our community one step closer to our homeland.
You can find it and other resources at their website: syisraellink.com.

Every little girl dreams of her fairy tale wedding, whether it is an event flowing with orchids and pure white organza, or a dramatic backdrop, dressed up with mirrors and red roses by the thousands. She pictures her ball gown and veil, in lace or in satin, and envisions her groom beside her, love permeating it all. In order to achieve such memorable glamour, many turn to the professionals, and Norma Cohen Productions is the best of the best. Recently recognized in Brides Magazine’s Top 100 Wedding Planners in America, Norma has spent most of her life as an event planner, and like the finest of wines, she only gets better with age. She explains,

“There is nothing that gives me greater joy than seeing the look on the couple’s faces when they walk into the room for the first time. If I did my job correctly, the decor tells their story. It looks and feels like them, it’s a place where they can feel good taking their first steps as man and wife. It’s not a home, exactly, but it’s the place where their story as Mr. & Mrs. begins. It’s important to get it right.”

These spectacular evenings do not happen by accident. Meeting after meeting produce design inspiration and allow for a true relationship to grow between Norma and her clients. “I listen, and learn, and get to know the couple. This is crucial to the planning process.”

This is an intimate time in a person’s life and Norma is there for all of it, not only as a planner, but emotionally, as a confidante, adviser, and friend. There were more hugs than handshakes.
Norma began planning parties at just 16 years old. She was mentored by the best, volunteering in the Sephardic Community Center, planning teen events, fashion shows, concerts and more. A prodigy, she was the first female teenager to join the board of directors, helping giants like Morris Bailey, Bunny Escava, Eddie Catton A”H, and Gita Sultan keep their fingers on the pulse of the young generation. This is where Norma got her education, not only in organization and planning, but in being a community leader. From there she began to plan business events and gatherings, bar mitzvah’s, sweet sixteen’s, 40th birthday parties, and finally weddings.

Today, Norma’s events know no bounds, spanning the world itself—from every premier venue in NYC to London, Paris, Puglia, Sardinia, and beyond. And still, interwoven in every moment of work is the knowledge that community comes first. The volunteer work she has done over the past forty years is indescribable. The same effort that is given to a wedding in the Pierre is lavished on a SAFE breakfast in Deal, or a Special Children’s Center dinner in Cipriani. There is no charitable organization that she refuses.

Norma’s years of experience, as well as her on-the-job-training have led to the most beautiful and elegant weddings in the world. After agreeing upon a budget, a venue is chosen, a caterer, florist, musician and lighting crew. Invitations, valet, and thousands more details must be arranged as well. The design of the party is the most fun and memorable, and no one does it like Norma Cohen. She explains, “For so many years I would be planning events for the same people in the same venues, week after week, year after year. The need for originality was fundamental. I wanted the guests to walk into a venue like Shaare Zion and feel like they were in Central Park, and it worked. Sometimes the Pierre looked like a winter wonderland, and others it looked like the Garden of Eden. For a bar mitzvah, maybe I’d bring the Polo Bar to Brooklyn. It’s all in the details. We always look for new ideas, new centerpieces, new twists on tradition and new ways to turn things around. Today, social media has changed the way we entertain. With Instagram and Snapchat, every event is on display for the whole world to see, captured in a photo and sent around the world in seconds. I have to keep reinventing the wheel. It’s challenging, but it’s also fun when it all comes to life.”

Dressed in six-inch heels at all times, Norma is upbeat and positive—a force of nature, setting the mood for the once-in-a-lifetime events she is famous for. She is ready for anything, because in her experience, anything can happen. Not to worry, though. Norma is a fast thinker, always on her toes and always prepared with a back-up plan. This has come in handy over the past year, as 2020 has kept us all on the edge of our seats.

“During Covid, we have all had to learn how to pivot. Weddings have gone from 600 people extravaganzas to 20 people gatherings. Engagements have transformed into wedding days and zoom has become a household word. Laws change on a dime, and from one moment to the next, we never know what to expect. We still don’t. My advice to the brides of 2020, from day one was the same. Marry now—party later. Some days we were able to party harder, others, not so much, but what is most important, as I’ve always said, is the bride and the groom. When they wake up the next morning as husband and wife, all is right in the world. Throughout this pandemic I have done my best to give the brides confidence, to respect the times and ensure that every couple had the most beautiful wedding—a fairy tale wedding—even if it was just a family event, because as we have all learned, especially this year, family is most important.”

A role model for women, Norma works hard, but puts family first. Her office staff acts as her right hand, helping with computer work, ordering and logistics. She has go-to vendors whose performance and reliability she depends on to assure she delivers a high-quality, one-of-a-kind wedding to her clients. Her proudest moment? Her son’s wedding! Both professionally, and personally. She explains, “I’m busy, I won’t lie. More days than not, my calendar is jammed with back to back meetings. I don’t have time for book clubs or tennis leagues, but I make time for the people I love—my children, my parents, my close friends. And very often my clients become those friends I’m making time for. I love what I do. I love having a hand in creating an event that people will remember for years. I love being an instrumental part of the most important day of a couple’s life. I love seeing my brides years later, toddlers in hand, reminiscing on that magical evening. Most of all I love how my experience guides me in everything I do.”

SOPHIA FRANCO

In celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., hundreds of volunteers joined Met Council for its annual MLK Day of Service and signed up for shifts at Met Council’s Greenpoint Fulfillment Center to help package emergency food deliveries for Holocaust survivors on the January 18th holiday. Four, 90-minute socially distanced shifts HAD NEW YORKERS PROUDLY FILLING THE immediate demand FOR FOOD, in service of their neighbors.

The city funding behind the Greenpoint warehouse has run out and unless the city comes up with emergency funding for food providers, thousands fewer deliveries will be made. In May, the city acted boldly to get $25 million distributed to soup kitchens and food pantries that knew their communities best. More than 575 pantries benefited from that emergency money and were able to increase capacity, staffing and food distribution. Unfortunately, that grant ended on December 31st.

“It was a true joy to see so many volunteers turn out in service of their neighbors and giving their time in honor of Dr. King’s legacy, but our capacity to manage big distributions like this will suffer unless the city comes through with more funding,” said David G. Greenfield, CEO, Met Council. He continued, “It was an incredibly hopeful moment in what has been an otherwise dour start to the year. I hope the city recognizes the great need in our city and prioritizes emergency funding for food providers like Met Council. Our staff and volunteers have worked nonstop since this pandemic hit, but we need more help.”

“The influx of volunteers who signed up for these shifts on Martin Luther King Day was truly impressive and we are so thankful for the response,” said Leah Schechter, Met Council’s Senior Director of Volunteer Services and Donor Engagement. “The community really showed up to help us in our effort to feed our fellow New Yorkers. And I was proud to see all the young faces eager to learn and quick to embrace empathy at the S.N.A.P. Grocery Store Challenge on Monday evening. New Yorkers are at their best when they come together to help each other.”
In partnership with the UJA Federation of New York, Met Council called on volunteers to sign up for a shift, hundreds of volunteers quickly signed up. PPE was distributed to all workers and masks were required at all times, as they always are at Met Council volunteer locations.

Though the typical, in-person acts of service had to be limited to the volunteer shifts, Met Council also hosted a virtual S.N.A.P. Grocery Store Challenge on Monday evening so families could get involved and support Met Council’s clients. The one-hour interactive event was centered on building empathy and solidarity for clients of Met Council and all those who receive federal food benefits.

Met Council has delivered thousands of meal packages to struggling families, Holocaust survivors, and other homebound New Yorkers since the start of the pandemic. As economic conditions worsened, Met Council expanded their operations, rapidly scaled up deliveries, and opened a new warehouse in Brooklyn. With so many Holocaust survivors vulnerable to COVID-19, Met Council pledged to provide weekly deliveries through not only the end of the pandemic, but for the rest of their lives.

Met Council is America’s largest Jewish charity dedicated to serving the needy. The organization’s ten different departments are staffed by experts who help hundreds of thousands of clients each year and advocate on behalf of all needy New Yorkers. Met Council’s programs range from 100% affordable housing at 20 locations to an award-winning family violence program, Holocaust survivor assistance, senior programming, crisis intervention, to the largest free kosher food distribution program in the world. Met Council’s network of 101 food pantries, affordable housing sites, and JCCs provide services directly in neighborhoods across New York.