REGINE MONAVAR TESSONE RECALLS RUNNING THROUGH THE MEHRABAD AIRPORT WITH HER PARENTS AND THREE BROTHERS, ON FEBRUARY 1, 1979, TO BOARD THE LAST FLIGHT OUT OF TEHRAN ON THE EVE OF THE ISLAMIC REVOLUTION. THE PILOT ANNOUNCED AS THEY ENTERED THE AIRCRAFT, “YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONES! THE AIRPORT IS NOW CLOSED AND THE AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI HAS ARRIVED.”

In this intimate memoir, Monavar (a Farsi name meaning light) recreates the life of her Persian Jewish family before they fled Iran and her own adventures in their new home in America. Always buoyant, she describes reuniting with her mother’s family in Brooklyn, visiting Israel and serving as a volunteer, falling in love with a non-Persian Jew, and becoming a successful fashion designer. Her story reflects her nostalgia for the homeland of her youth and her embrace of the opportunities of her adopted homeland in the United States as a successful Iranian-Jewish immigrant.

Daniel Tsadik, author of Between Foreigners and Shi’is: Nineteenth-Century Iran and Its Jewish Minority, said, “Monavar’s Journey is a beautifully written moving memoir that sheds light on Iranian Jews’ lives during the Pahlavi era and the Revolution: lifestyle, food, religion, education, Muslim-Jewish relations, and so much more. It impressively offers an account of immigration, adjustment, and daily life in their new home.”

Ronnie Perelis, Associate Professor of Sephardic Studies at the Bernard Revel Graduate School of Jewish Studies of Yeshiva University, and author of Narratives From The Sephardic Atlantic: Blood & Faith, said, “This book is a testament to one family’s heroism and the wisdom of parents, but beyond the intimate value of the memoir, I believe it will add depth and nuance to our understanding of the experience of Persian Jewry. The story, however, is also universal. It is about love, family, and the all too familiar story of exile and immigration. The cosmopolitan gyrations between the Middle East and Europe and America with its swirl of languages make it a delightful read.”

Author Regine Monavar Tessone graduated from the Fashion Institute of Technology, and founded Aqua Modesta, a unique line of modest women’s swimwear and sportswear that attained worldwide success. Her initial professional goals achieved, she wrote this memoir to fulfill a lifelong dream: to share the story of her family’s incredible escape on the last flight out of Tehran.

MARY ANNE COHEN

WHICH CAME FIRST—THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG? DOES BEING DEPRESSED LEAD TO DEVELOPING AN EATING DISORDER OR DOES HAVING AN EATING DISORDER LEAD TO DEPRESSION? THE TRUTH IS THERE IS SUCH A COMPLEX EMOTIONAL AND BIOCHEMICAL INTERPLAY BETWEEN DEPRESSION AND EATING DISORDERS THAT WE ARE NOT SURE WHICH COMES FIRST.

What we do know is both depression and eating disorders feed on each other causing great suffering for the person who is trying to cope. Fortunately, many strategies exist to help someone get better.

SOME FACTS ABOUT DEPRESSION:
• According to a recent Department of Health survey, one in eight New Yorkers suffer from symptoms of depression.

• The report also says that major depressive disorder is the single greatest source of disability in New York City. At any given time over half a million adult New Yorkers are estimated to have depression, yet less than 40% report receiving help.

• The Department of Health and Human Services now recommends that pregnant and postpartum women be routinely screened for depression. In the city, 12,000 new moms per year are affected by maternal depression. Maimonides Hospital announced that new mothers will now routinely be screened for postpartum depression.

• About 15% of the US population will experience major depression in their lifetime.

• Depression is twice as common in women as in men, in part due to hormones.

• Up to 40% of the risk for depression is inherited.

When you add an eating disorder, like binge eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, or body image unhappiness on top of depression, people often feel helpless and hopeless that they will ever get back on track with healthy eating or a healthy sense of well-being. Keep in mind that helplessness and despair are actually symptoms of depression and will get better with treatment.

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN EATING DISORDERS AND DEPRESSION?:

• Eating disorder behaviors help people feel better temporarily. Overeating is a soothing activity, purging provides a cathartic relief, starving is an attempt to feel strong and in control.

• Bingeing, purging, starving, or obsessing about weight helps people distract themselves from emotional pain.

• Both depression and eating disorders often involve shame and secrecy. People with these disorders often feel a stigma about admitting their problems.

• Psychotherapy and sometimes medication can help people resolve their eating disorder and depression.

WHAT DOES DEPRESSION FEEL LIKE?
When we think of depression, we picture a person who is tearful or doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. But, in fact, depression can take many different and unexpected forms: some people get agitated, some people get irritable and argumentative, others feel like they are moving in slow motion—as if their arms and legs are heavy—others feel body aches and pains, such as headaches or stomach aches. Depression can cause people to have contradictory and confusing symptoms: some binge and gain weight while others do not want to eat and lose weight; some have insomnia while others sleep too much. Sometimes the person just feels sad—constantly.

WHAT STEPS SHOULD I TAKE?
• Acknowledging that you are depressed and that you are struggling with overeating, under eating, or purging is the first step. Do not be ashamed—we humans are biochemical and emotional people and sometimes we need help.

• Speak with your medical doctor. Blood tests can rule out hormone abnormalities, diabetes, thyroid issues, or premenstrual distress.

• Have a consultation with a psychotherapist to evaluate the emotional stresses you may be facing and a discussion of strategies to improve your eating behaviors as well as techniques to improve the stress in your life.

• The therapist may recommend a consultation with a psychiatrist to evaluate if anti-depressant medication can help jump start your recovery.

THERE IS NO VIRTUE IN SUFFERING IN SILENCE. HELP IS AVAILABLE. REACH OUT.

Reach out to MEND (Mindful Eating New Direction) to get the help you need. MEND is a new community initiative to help people like you. You are not alone!

We will work with you to:
• Custom tailor an individual approach for your unique needs.
• Help you get control of your eating back inside yourself.
• Develop and maintain healthy eating patterns.
• Regain body confidence.
• Unlock what may be keeping you stuck in your eating problems.

Schedule an initial assessment with MEND, and we’ll help you determine if you can benefit from treatment. To start a confidential conversation about your eating, please contact us. Your contact with us is absolutely confidential.
Please feel free to call 718 336-MEND.

MEND is a division of The SAFE Foundation.

Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD has been Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982. She is also author of French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating and Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. Mary Anne has hosted her own radio show on eating disorders, appears frequently on national television, and is a professional book reviewer.

Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD has been Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982. She is also author of French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating and Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. Mary Anne has hosted her own radio show on eating disorders, appears frequently on national television, and is a professional book reviewer.

LAURA SHAMMAH MS, RDN

LOSING WEIGHT IS RARELY EASY, AND IT CAN BE DOWNRIGHT FRUSTRATING, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT, BUT THE NUMBERS ON THE SCALE REMAIN THE SAME. WEIGHT LOSS PLATEAUS ARE ALSO DISAPPOINTING. IF YOU’VE ADOPTED A HEALTHY DIET AND YOU’RE STILL NOT SEEING THE RESULTS YOU EXPECT, PERHAPS ONE OF THE FOLLOWING FACTORS IS TO BLAME.

REASONS YOU MAY NOT BE LOSING WEIGHT

• Eating just a salad for lunch. We’ve been told that salads are a great meal when you’re trying to lose weight, and they are good for you. However, a salad made of a few vegetables will not fill you up. In just a few hours you’ll be looking for a snack. You should add lean protein like tuna or chicken, and fiber rich foods, like beans and quinoa to your salad. These ingredients will keep you full for a much longer time.

• You’re eating too much of a healthy thing. Just because a food is healthy, doesn’t mean you can eat as much of it as you like. Be aware of your portion size.

• You’re eating too many refined carbs. Complex carbohydrates like whole wheat bread, barley and beans are full of fiber and fill you up. Refined carbs, like pretzels and pasta may give you an energy boost at first, but it will lead to a sugar crash, which will make you hungry and lead to additional eating. Switch to complex carbs combined with lean protein.

• You are letting too many hours go by without eating. When you allow too many hours to pass without eating, your blood sugar will drop, making you ravenously hungry. When this happens you are very likely to overeat. It’s best to eat healthy meals and snacks every couple of hours.

• You eat well all week and allow yourself a cheat day. Some diets recommend a cheat day once a week, however there are guidelines as to how much you can eat. When creating your own cheat day, it’s very possible to consume all the calories you didn’t eat during the week, and all of your hard work can be negated in those couple of hours. Be consistent. Plan your weekends and learn how to enjoy yourself without sabotaging your weight loss goals.

• You believe you can eat whatever you want because you exercised. A great snack or meal you can eat after a workout would be a mix of complex carbs and protein. This is a powerful combination that helps boost muscle recovery, reduce soreness and build strength.

Review your goals and your behavior. If you think one of the reasons mentioned is why you are having trouble losing weight, make a change. You’ll be happy with the results.

Laura Shammah MS, RDN has a masters degree in health and nutrition and is a registered dietitian. She has been operating her own private practice in both New York and NJ for over 20 years. She is happily married and has four children.

WE ARE EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE THAT MRS. PAULINA SALEM WILL JOIN OUR EDUCATIONAL STAFF IN THE FALL OF 2022 AS THE NEW PRINCIPAL OF GESHER YEHUDA YESHIVA. MRS. SALEM COMES TO US AFTER 13 YEARS OF SERVICE WITHIN THE NEW YORK SEPHARDIC COMMUNITY.

She began her teaching career at Barkai Yeshiva. For the past 11 years she taught both second and fourth grade at Yeshivah of Flatbush and more recently held the position of Assistant Director of Campus Life and served on various educational committees there as well.

`Mrs. Salem holds a Bachelor of Arts from Barnard College in Political Science, where she also completed an education program and received her initial teaching license. She received her Masters in Special Education from Brooklyn College, and is a graduate of YOU Lead, Prizmah’s signature program for Jewish day school professionals and leaders.

Mrs. Salem is eager to begin working as Principal of Gesher Yehuda. “On my very first visit to Gesher Yehuda, I immediately fell in love with the warmth of the environment, the individualized yet rigorous curriculum, the dedicated staff, and of course the unbelievable children. Gesher Yehuda is an extremely important institution in our community, and I am excited and honored to continue the great work that has been done.”

According to the Chairman of the Board, Mr. Jack Setton, “We look forward to Mrs. Salem joining our yeshiva and are certain that she will enhance and further strengthen our programs. She combines knowledge of our community and years of service with impeccable educational credentials. We are confident that she will promote a rigorous professional environment among our teaching staff and will provide a nurturing and meaningful educational experience for all the children who come through our doors.”

We would also like to thank Mrs. Deborah Katz for her years of services both as the first principal of our high school and then as the esteemed principal of our elementary school. Mrs. Katz has worked tirelessly to make Gesher the premier institution that it is. We thank her and wish her great success in all her endeavors.

About Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva

In 1996, with the purchase of their own educational facility, Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva was established as a community school providing individualize instruction in a small class setting. Six students in its first year blossomed to thirty-six by the third, and reached as many as 80 in the 2000s. In 2008, seeking to extend its individualized methodology beyond the elementary school years, the original founders launched Yeshivah Preparatory High School. Now, more than 25 years after its inception, Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva is well prepared to continue to provide a premier education with state-of-the art resources to the Brooklyn Jewish community.

Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva is located at 49 Avenue T, Brooklyn, NY 11223. For more information please contact: Executive Director, Dr. Eugene Miller at 718-714-7400.

FROM SICKNESS TO HEALTH — ONE MAN’S JOURNEY

ANONYMOUS

“BLESSED ARE YOU, ADO-NAI, OUR G-d, KING OF THE UNIVERSE, WHO FORMED MAN WITH WISDOM AND CREATED WITHIN HIM MANY OPENINGS AND MANY HOLLOW SPACES. IT IS OBVIOUS AND KNOWN BEFORE YOUR SEAT OF HONOR THAT EVEN IF ONE OF THEM WOULD BE OPENED, OR IF EVEN ONE OF THEM WOULD BE SEALED, IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO SURVIVE AND TO STAND BEFORE YOU EVEN FOR ONE HOUR. BLESSED ARE YOU, ADO-NAI, WHO HEALS ALL FLESH AND ACTS WONDROUSLY.”

THE AWESOME BRACHA OF ASHER YATZAR, (WHO FORMED), WHICH REFERS TO THE COMPLEXITY OF THE HUMAN BODY, THANKS HASHEM FOR CREATING OUR BODY AND FOR THE CONTINUOUS DAILY MIRACLE OF ITS PROPER FUNCTIONING. IT IS RECITED EVERY MORNING AS PART OF THE BIRCHAT HASHACHAR, (MORNING BLESSINGS) AND AGAIN, EVERY TIME AFTER USING THE BATHROOM. THE BLESSING AND THE MIRACLE OF OUR BODIES IS SOMETHING WE SHOULD NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED.

I couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving. Every year I look forward to spending several days with my family and some friends. I never knew, that one particular Thanksgiving would change my life forever.

We were in Baltimore, it was Thursday, Thanksgiving morning and I had a cold, but it wasn’t too bad. We went out to dinner to a kosher restaurant and had a great time with family and friends. I was looking forward to the next morning when I would first go for a run, something I enjoy very much. Little did I know I was just a few hours away from a life changing experience.

My cold got worse, as the night progressed and I woke up at 5 a.m. to take NyQuil. At approximately 7 a.m., I woke up again and of course the first thing I needed to do was use the bathroom. At first I felt fine as I walked to the bathroom, but then I suddenly felt a bit dizzy and the next thing I remember, I was waking up, unable to speak or move, due to the pain. I recall seeing my wife screaming and calling an ambulance. I didn’t know what happened. It took 40 minutes for an ambulance to arrive, as I lay on the floor wondering how I got there and what was going on.

Finally, the paramedics arrived, they put me on a stretcher and took me to the hospital. I was left waiting for a bed and a CAT-scan for over 10 hours. I was in excruciating pain, I could hardly walk, and had trouble breathing. I went from being able to run 10 miles to not being able to walk 30 feet.

After many hours of waiting in agony, I saw a young Jewish boy and begged him to go get me some Advil for the pain, because the hospital wouldn’t give me anything. He did and I’m still so grateful for that. He was like an angel.

After I finally had a CAT-scan, I was told I had five full fractures in four of my ribs, one of my lungs was compressed and bleeding, and I had a chip on my spine.

Somehow I was able to deal with all of it, but not with what was to come. When I needed to urinate, I couldn’t, and my biggest nightmare came true. The hospital staff told me I would need a catheter to empty my bladder, and after that I would feel better. Well, I did not. We decided to leave the next day, to go back to NY. I ended up in NYU Hospital the next morning. I was told my bladder was almost full and I would need a catheter for a few days, after which I could return for them to remove it.

Five days later l went back to have the catheter removed, but I was still unable to urinate on my own. I wondered how something so simple, that I took for granted all of my life, could suddenly become the most difficult challenge I ever faced.

I needed to be catheterized again, but at this point the pain of the procedure was unbearable and unimaginable. The doctor asked me to come back in two weeks to have it removed. So, after two long weeks of pain, taking Valium, pain killers and other meds, I was positive this time, when the catheter was removed, I’d be fine, but once again, I wasn’t, and I needed the catheter again.

After the first couple of times my wife couldn’t even accompany me to the hospital anymore, because the procedure was so painful, invasive and there was so much bleeding, that it was too much trauma for her to bare. It was like we were living in a nightmare.

This time when I went home, I fell into a deep depression. I reached out to other urologists to see if they could help. I went to six different doctors and did four different tests. I can’t even describe the pain I was in mentally and physically. I will never forget when one of the doctors’ told me, “There’s nothing physically wrong with you. You should be going to the bathroom on your own.”

Although nothing was wrong with me, in the back of my mind I wanted him to tell me there was an operation he could do to make me able to use the bathroom on my own. He said there was one thing we could try, but he wouldn’t recommend it, because he didn’t think it would help and it could cause serious side effects. It was an operation to open the neck of the bladder. Regardless, I was in such a desperate state that we scheduled the surgery for December 25, hoping a miracle would happen and it would work. After a few days of thinking about it, I cancelled the surgery.

As time passed, and I had two failed attempts to remove a catheter, it got to a point where I couldn’t take the pain. I was not able to walk much and still the agony was constant. Finally, I called one of my doctors’ and told him I needed to take the catheter out and try to use the bathroom again.

On my third attempt, I was able to urinate a bit on my own. I couldn’t believe it! I was so happy, I thought the worst was behind me and I was finally on my way to a full recovery. Little did I know another three weeks of nightmares would follow. They told me they would teach me how to use the catheter myself in case my bladder locked up again.

I can’t even explain how difficult this was. I went home and was able to use the bathroom, but with great difficulty. I had to jump up and down for 10 minutes or walk around the block or touch cold water or hot water—anything that would get the flow going. Sometimes it took 15 minutes, sometimes as long as three hours before I was able to go. It was unbearable! I couldn’t understand how in my 50s, and quite healthy, I would have to face the possibility of living this way for the rest of my life.

I would try to sleep as much as I could, from the days straight into the nights to numb myself from the pain and the reality of the nightmare I was living in. I silenced my phone and I wouldn’t take any visitors or calls. I shut everyone out.

My wife, kids and siblings felt so sad and helpless. I’ll never forget their faces, watching me trying my hardest to go to the bathroom, running up and down the steps in desperation. My wife would say to me every night, “I’m listening for the toilet to flush so I can relax.”

One day my wife told me I needed to get out of the house and walk for a bit and breathe fresh air. As we approached Ocean Parkway I just walked into the street without looking, while the sign flashed brightly in red, “Do Not Walk.” Cars were coming on both sides and my wife had to grab me and pull me back to the sidewalk. It was a close call. I was in a fog. B”H, my wife and Hashem were there to save me. At one point I thought, “Hashem, I’d rather You take me than live like this for the rest of my life.”

Three more weeks passed, and I lost over 20 pounds. I was very thin to begin with and the weight loss was not good for me. At 5’11”, my weight went down to 143 pounds. I completely stopped drinking, and very quickly became dehydrated and almost ended up back in the hospital.

I remember giving up, and started to do the catheter myself, at home. My doctor told me I could only do it four times a day, and it wasn’t easy, sometimes it got bloody. It was horrific! It got so bad, that I asked my wife to take me back to the doctor so he could put it back in.

Through it all, there was still the pain from my fall, my broken ribs and my lungs—I was a mess. The depression deepened everyday that I was in this nightmare.

I tried acupuncture and I even saw a psychiatrist who gave me anxiety medication plus a few other things to help me feel better. I had done all the tests necessary to know that there wasn’t anything physically wrong with my bladder; it was completely psychological. He reassured me that what had happened to me had caused trauma to my body as well as to my brain.

I reached out to a friend who also helped me using the Dr. Sarno approach. My condition was controlled by my brain and I had some work to do and with time I would be back to myself again. A doctor suggested hypnosis, which I researched and found a great venue. The hypnotist told me that my brain had shifted a bit and he would help me get back to normal through a couple of sessions of hypnosis. After just two sessions he told me to remove the catheter, because I wouldn’t need it anymore.

I was also in touch with a rabbi and his translator who helped me tremendously through out this ordeal. He told me not to lose hope. He kept my spirits up and kept reassuring me there was nothing wrong with me physically. He also told me that I would see a miracle and be fine. I finally got to meet with him in person and he asked me to remove the catheter immediately, because, B”H, I would be fine.

Four days later, I removed the catheter (for the last time B”H) and I was able to use the bathroom on my own. It was a miracle! I went through two and a half months of suffering beyond belief—not just every day—but every minute of every day. Now, I not only enjoy every day but every minute of my life! I came to realize how important the Asher Yatzar blessing is. (I took it for granted for most of my life.) I believe many other people do too.

Throughout my suffering, I always knew there was a purpose. I couldn’t see it then, but I see it now. I’m on a mission to tell my story, so people will not just say this beracha in passing, but say it with real kavanah. Hashem saved me and I’m living again B”H.

Although sometimes things happen to us that seem so hard, Hashem always does it for the good. I feel in my case it was to make everyone aware of how lucky we are, and we should not take anything in this world for granted. I now try to convince my friends to put this blessing next to every bathroom in their office and home.

I now wake up every morning and whether I see rain or shine, snow or a freezing day, I say: “What a beautiful day, because my bodily functions are working the way Hashem intended.” Thank you, Hashem!

RABBI EZRA MAX

WE LIVE IN UNIQUE TIMES. THE WORLD IS STILL STRUGGLING WITH THE IMPACT OF COVID-19. TO MASK, OR NOT TO MASK. VACCINATE, DON’T VACCINATE. THE USA IS POLITICALLY DIVIDED. CONFLICTS HAVE BECOME TABLETOP DISCUSSIONS. WHAT CAN WE DO? HOW CAN YOU OR I MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO IMPROVE OURSELVES, OUR FAMILIES, AND THE WORLD AROUND US? A MISHNA IN ABOT SAYS “AIZEHU MECHUBAD, HAMECHABED ET HABRIOT.” THE ONE WHO IS MOST HONORED IS THE ONE WHO RESPECTS OTHERS.

Starting on the second day of Passover we begin Sefirat H’aomer (the counting of the Omer.) We count the 49 days leading up to the holiday of Shavuot, when we celebrate the Torah’s acceptance on Mount Sinai. These days are called the days of sefirah (counting.) During this time we prepare ourselves and purify ourselves for accepting the Torah.

How do we prepare ourselves? By working on our midot (refining our character traits.) This of course enhances our behaviors. As it says, Derech Eretz Kadmu L’Torah, (The way of the land, the practice of being with people, precedes the Torah.) The Talmud tells us the story of the great sage Rabbi Akiva’s students dying. He was the leading sage of the Jewish people during his time. The Talmud states, “12,000 pairs of students died a terrible death from a plague during the short time between Passover and Atzeret, (the days of sefirah.) Why did they die? Shelo Nohagu Kavod Zeh La’Zeh. (They did not interact with each other with respect and honor.) Let’s say that again. 24,000 rabbinical students died in a short time from a plague, almost completely eradicating Torah wisdom and scholarship. Why? Because they were disrespectful.

The commentaries highlight a possible inner stinginess or jealousy. They didn’t want to support a fellow student, or they didn’t want to see someone else be more successful than they were in Torah study. This was an insult, not only to their fellow scholars, but it was offensive to the Almighty, who cherishes Torah study and supporting its scholarship.

Today, we are living through our own global plague. Perhaps, it’s time for us to begin treating others with more respect.

Food for thought: While facilitating a workshop for managers in a midsize company, I encouraged participants to crowdsource their personal and organizational values. We did an exercise to source and find the values and principles they want to embody. The goal; to bring alive the values, making them explicit and clear, and having everyone operate and integrate from shared values. I can report, most of the values and principles they chose and claimed, (caring, trust, honesty, patience) have underpinnings based on respect.

Think about this for a moment. How do you feel when your coworker treats you respectfully? Does it make you feel better or worse? How awesome would it be to help people feel better all the time? What if we were to treat ourselves and others with conscious respect? Wouldn’t our interactions be much more joyous?

What about at home in our family life? In our PARENTeen program, we begin with respect and honor. Fact: Most parents who reached out over the past 20 years for support, be it a personal challenge or a situation with a struggling teen, began by sharing a problem or struggle that described some form of irresponsibility. I love asking parents to please share something good, unique, or honorable about their son or daughter—especially the one they’re struggling with. At the completion of our call, I invite the parent to acknowledge their teenager while using the word respect in a specific and dynamic way. The results from this one exercise are transformational.

Keep in mind these rules for how to use the word respect effectively.

Conscious: Reflect and think, what do I respect about this person? When we find and know what we respect, we feel, think and act differently.

No Buts: We must give a genuine acknowledgment without any disclaimers.

Honest: Respect must be sincere. If we say the word respect and don’t mean it, we are being disrespectful.

During these days of Sefirat H’aomer, we’re working on ourselves. The number one lesson we learn from Rabbi Akiva’s students is to treat each other with honor and respect. What if we capitalize on this timely lesson and treat everyone with respect?

Remember Devarim Hayotzim Min Halev Nichnasim El Halev. (Words or feelings emanating from the heart enter the heart.) When we feel respect for others, even if we don’t manage to say it, our inner relationship with them will shift towards respect. Our behaviors will reflect the same. They will know and feel our respect.

Blessing you with respectful relationships in every area of your life.

Rabbi Ezra Max, PPC, MHMP, Xchange Guide & Creator of “The Max Method” assists businesses and professionals deal with stress and achieve success. Rabbi Max has witnessed 20 years of results helping executives, parents and teens overcome struggles, improve communication and thrive. He lives in New York with his wife and five children.

If you’re thinking about relocating to Bergen County, you will surely be Contemplating which schools will be the right fit for your children and for your family’s values once you make the move. It’s a monumental decision, and you undoubtedly want to do your due diligence while evaluating the prospects before you.

Here in Bergen County, New Jersey, we’re blessed with a number of excellent schools for students in early childhood and grades K-8. Ben Porat Yosef, a Modern Orthodox co-educational school located in Paramus, is proud to be among them.
We are proud of what defines us: an innovative skills-based learning approach in which students are empowered with the tools to understand new ideas; a genuine warmth that permeates our halls and imbues our students with confidence, empathy, and leadership skills; a commitment to celebrating both Sephardic and Ashkenazic minhagim for unique inclusivity; and Hebrew language immersion and celebration of Israeli culture.

Our academically rigorous dual curriculum incorporates elements of experiential education, interdisciplinary study, and skills-based learning so that our students can grow into confident and empowered learners ready for the challenges and triumphs of a complex 21st century world. We also take a holistic approach to learning and strive to incorporate elements of both Jewish and general studies into lessons when possible, demonstrating to our students that our understanding of the general world is enhanced when viewed through a lens of Torah.

Kindergarten students learning about Parashat Lech Lecha inquire about how Avraham knew where he was going. They explore today’s travel using Waze and Google Maps, go on scavenger hunts throughout the school building that they map, and conduct research to find their own homes on Google Earth. They then reflect back on the Parasha and say, “Wow! What bitachon and emunah, trust and faith, Avraham must have had in Hashem to travel to a new place blindly and without the modern tools that we have today.” We believe students learn best by doing and in the process gain a deeper and more meaningful understanding of what they are learning.

Fourth grade students learning Sefer Yehoshua delve into the story of Bnei Yisrael crossing the Yarden. The students dress up in period-style clothing, build a model of the Aron Habrit based on textual learnings, utilize the river on our property, and physically reenact Bnei Yisrael crossing the Yarden. It is truly an experience that they will never forget.

Our hands-on approach to learning is perhaps best seen in one of our most exciting days at BPY, Discovery Learning Day, in which elementary and middle school students spend the entire day studying a specific topic in science and engineering through different academic lenses, and team up in pairs or groups to test a hypothesis. In this exciting and collaborative day, science goes from an abstract idea to something living and breathing right before them. Previous topics have included solar energy, infectious diseases, organ transplants, bridge design, and catapult engineering.

Students also use digital and online educational resources to extend and enhance their traditional learning while fostering their digital citizenship skills.

We take pride in our excellent high school acceptance rates; this past year, an incredible 96% of the entire 8th grade were accepted to their first-choice high school. We continue to be gratified by the regular positive feedback we receive from high school administrators who note our students’ ability to deftly handle the rigorous demands of high school, and our students’ stellar middot.

Our warm and nurturing environment is as evident in the halls of early childhood as it is in the upper level of the building where our Middle School students learn and grow. We believe that children, whether they are four or fourteen, excel when they feel safe and secure and valued for their authentic selves. We find that this warmth helps them build the confidence they need to explore their curiosity, take their learning beyond classroom walls, and acquire critical social skills with which to respectfully relate to diverse peers.

BPY’s student body represents a diverse makeup, and our commitment to celebrating both Sephardic and Ashkenazic traditions is reflected in our school’s programs. Our chazzan teaches both Sephardic and Ashkenazic selichot, tefillot, and te’amim, and our Middle School’s Chodesh B’Chodesh program alternates between Sephardic and Ashkenazic tefillah and traditions each month. Many of our Israeli shlichim, who serve as teachers (rebbe’im and morot) at BPY, also infuse their lessons with their own cultural traditions.

By studying our rich heritage and cultures in tandem and empowering all our students to proudly explore their cultural backgrounds, our students develop their Ahavat Yisrael, a profound appreciation for Klal Yisrael and a sincere love for the entirety of the Jewish people and the Jewish experience. In this way, our students also gain an appreciation for the diversity of the human experience beyond Jewish communal lines. Difference is not feared or mocked but appreciated. We do not take this culture of mutual respect and understanding for granted, and it is something we actively work on and strive for on a regular basis from the age of 2.

Our shlichim—selected from more than 10,000 experienced educators by the Jewish Agency for Israel and then by BPY with our own selective criteria—represent the best of Israel. In the classroom, they aim to speak exclusively to our students in Hebrew, empowering them with the skills and ability to learn to speak Hebrew fluently. For students who need help, our fully staffed Learning Center offers regular support in Ivrit, as well as in a host of other subject areas. Our shlichim help infuse Limudei Kodesh with real-world observations of the sites and stories mentioned in Tanach. They help make Yom Ha’atzmaut come alive for our students: they set up a shuk where students can shop, they recreate some of Israel’s most beloved landmarks like the Kotel and the Kinneret, and they lead our students in an exciting Daglanut ceremony (a dance performed on Yom Ha’atzmaut).

If you’re thinking about relocating to the Bergen County community, we invite you to set up a tour at Ben Porat Yosef, meet some of our administration and faculty, and see for yourself what distinguishes BPY as a place of warmth, diversity, middot, Torah, and academic excellence.

Visit our website www.benporatyosef.org and follow us on social media @BenPoratYosef on Facebook, and @BPYParamus on Instagram.

To schedule a visit and for all other inquiries, please contact Renee Klyman, Director of Admissions at 201-845-5007 x16, or email reneeklyman@benporatyosef.org.

SATURDAY MORNING I WENT FOR A WALK THROUGH THE OLD BENSONHURST AREA WHERE MY COMMUNITY FIRST MOVED TO FROM THE LOWER EAST SIDE OF MANHATTAN. THEY WERE ALL IMMIGRANTS FROM SYRIA AND ALTHOUGH THERE WERE THE DAMASCUS (SHAMIE) JEWS AND THE ALEPPO (HALAB) JEWS—THEY WERE ALL ONE COMMUNITY.

As I was born in 1966, I did not experience the life lived by my ancestors at 2051 65th Street. Yet, as I walked through the streets I felt myself traveling through time—as I sometimes choose to do.

I am sometime in the 1940’s after the war—it’s a Friday afternoon and there are kids playing punchball on the street, stoop ball on the stoops and I can sense the aroma of Shabbat meals being prepared as I pass each home.

The doors to each home are open and there are some men in uniform and others in civilian clothes walking with a sense of urgency. I see a short familiar looking man walking and he is smiling and waving at some people sitting on their porch. He suddenly runs across the street and greets another short man, kissing his hand—and then the other man puts his hand on the first man’s head. I see a smile and hear, “Shabbat Shalom.” I realize that it is my father kissing the hand of his Rabbi, Hacham Murad Maslaton.

My father is not yet 40 years old. I follow him as he turns on 67th street and 18th Avenue towards 65th. He is walking very quickly and I try to keep up. I laugh to myself because here I am at 54 years old and my father is younger than I am.

Suddenly I find myself on another street. I am transported to another time, now I am outside of my grandfather’s barber shop and I think I see two of him? I have never met my grandfather but I have seen pictures of him and now I am unsure of my whereabouts.

There are so many people, an aroma of manure, coffee and strange road kill. I look down and there are cobblestones and mud across the way. There is a pickle store with the barrels wide open and a liquor store right next to it. I see my grandfather and I am floored by his appearance, he looks like my father and the other man must be his brother Kamal.

A lady walks in and says something in Arabic I cannot understand. She ends the sentence with, “Moussa.” I see that she is my grandmother—I only knew her when she was in her late 90s. She is beautiful and she looks at me, stops and then turns to walk on.

I want to introduce myself to her, I want to tell her how amazing her son Sam will be and how each of her children will represent the Zalta family. They will always have a reputation for honesty, friendliness and for always helping others.

I want to run and hug my grandfather and tell him about the stories my father told me about him. I want to see him up close but as I open the door I am transported once again.

I am in a schoolyard and I see some girls standing and watching a group of boys playing stick ball. A ball gets passed the pitcher and rolls towards me. I pick it up and it is a Spalding. It seems thicker than the ones I grew up with.

“Thank you sir!” One of the kids is prodding me to throw the ball back and I do. The kid looks familiar but I am unsure. Suddenly I realize who it is and I am about to call his name when I am thrust back into time. I walk towards my home, Brooklyn in 2022.

DSN DANCE ACADEMY CLOSED OUT THE YEAR WITH A BANG! DANCE DIRECTOR DANIELLE HANAN MARKED HER 6TH YEAR AT THE ACADEMY, PRODUCING AN AMAZING PERFORMANCE THAT LEFT EVERYONE WITH HUGE SMILES ON THEIR FACES, BEGGING FOR MORE. “EACH YEAR IS BETTER THAN THE LAST,” DANIELLE EXPLAINED EXCITEDLY. “HAVING OUR DANCE RECITAL AT THE COUNT BASIE THEATER TOOK THE ENTIRE PROGRAM UP ANOTHER NOTCH, AND ALLOWED US TO BREAK OUR PREVIOUS ATTENDANCE RECORD. IT’S AN AMAZING VENUE. I AM SO PROUD OF OUR DANCERS AND TEACHERS AND CAN’T WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR!”

All 200 dancers, aged 3 to 14, rocked it, as they danced in various genres, such as ballet, tap, jazz funk and hip hop. The program leading up to the recital had the girls attending after-school dance classes in DSN for six months, from October through March. It took that amount of time and effort for each dancer to be ready for the big stage. In the end, the girls brought the talent that made the program a success.

DSN mother Arianna Kaplan was thrilled. “DSN’s Dance Academy is so much more than a place where my children learn to dance. The instructors instill confidence, self-expression, focus and discipline. My two girls looked forward to going each week and cannot wait to return next year!”

This year, DSN welcomed to its team Sari Abraham, as the assistant dance director as well as a dance instructor. Danielle and Sari were able to secure an amazing team of professionally trained instructors to teach and inspire the girls each week.

For Sari, it was a life changing experience. “My first year working at the DSN Dance Academy has been one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. Being a part of this amazing program is something tor which I’m forever grateful. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for next year!”

The year of anticipation and hard work was well worth it. DSN welcomed 700 spectators through the doors of the Count Basie Center for the Arts in Red Bank, New Jersey on March 23rd for an evening of dance, inspiration and fun! There were 26 show-stopping performances in all, which led to an amazing finalé, with all of the dancers on stage celebrating the end of a year to remember. The show’s theme was “Dancing Through the Decades,” celebrating 100 years of music and dance from the 1920s to the 2020s. The music and costumes were carefully selected to showcase upbeat and creative music and dancing.

“The recital was my favorite night of the year,” said Gloria Dweck, a mother of two dance students. “The music, choreography and energy were all unbelievable. This program is unbeatable! DSN tops themselves every year!” Fellow dance mom, Stephanie Pfeffer, agreed. She said, “My girls came home so happy after every class! They loved their costumes, the Count Basie Theater and, of course, practicing their routines. They look forward to DSN Dance Academy every year. It is a confidence builder and happiness maker. The hard work that goes into this program does not go unnoticed.”

DSN Dance Academy was also the home of an award-winning dance team. The girls, in grades 5 through 7, brought the energy and talent to the competitive stage. All their hard work and dedication paid off by being awarded high scores and first place, and earning a spot in a national competition. Danielle Hanan was ecstatic, “To say we are proud of these girls would be an understatement. Go DSN Dance Team!”

After the amazing performance, the students were able to complete the year with a fun, happy and dance-filled celebration day at DSN. They enjoyed cupcakes, said goodbye to their teachers, took pictures and reminisced about their amazing season!

Freida Shamah, DSN’s Youth Program Director, provides support and guidance for the program. “The recital is my favorite night of the year. The energy the girls bring to the stage is incredible! Having the recital at Count Basie, was a game changer. I am so proud of our Dance Academy Directors Danielle and Sari who put together a top-notch dance program for our girls. I can’t wait for next year!”

Danielle exclaimed, “With this incredible year coming to a close, we want to send a huge congratulations to all of our dancers and staff. We couldn’t have done this without you. DSN Dance Academy 2022-2023—Here We Come!”

Lee Zekaria, DSN’s President, summarized the excitement for the present and future. “It is incredible to see the confidence that this program instills in our youth. The recital was a special night for our community and with Hashem’s help the entire program will continue to grow and inspire for many years to come!”

LEARNING TO STAND UP AGAINST ANTI-SEMITISM

THE CHALLENGES CAUSED BY THE BROADENING GAP BETWEEN OUR VALUES AND THOSE OUR YOUTH ARE EXPOSED TO ON CAMPUS AND BEYOND ARE SERIOUS ONES. TO MEET THE CHALLENGES, THE SCA BUILT BOOTCAMPUS, THE FIRST OF ITS KIND 3 DAY IMMERSIVE RETREAT FOR OUR COMMUNITY’S HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS.

The topics included: Sephardic pride, heritage and identity in the campus context, social media literacy, critical thinking skills and how to apply them to recognize the radical ideologies being directed at them from both the far left and far right, recognizing the various forms of anti-Semitism, and combating them from a place of confidence.

BootCampUs took place in the beautiful bucolic setting of the Capital Retreat Center in Pennsylvania. With its ample lecture spaces, break out/workshop rooms, onsite rope courses, zip lines, fire pits and more, the perfect balance of education and social programming was created. Along with almost a year of planning to develop the custom curriculum and bring in world class topic experts, the retreat was a huge success. Following is some feedback from the students themselves.

Carol Tawil, Magen David HS
For me, going on the SCA BootCampUs retreat was memorable because it taught relevant education to high school seniors in entertaining and thought-provoking ways, while also providing opportunities for fun.

The prestigious lineup of speakers included activists against anti-Semitism on college campuses, and representatives from organizations such as AIPAC and Stand With Us. Each speaker inspired me to constantly push and stand up for our Jewish beliefs, and to set boundaries and have sensible conversations to educate people instead of fighting. Engaging in group discussions between our peers helped me understand the various types of anti-Semitism that could be found on college campuses, as well as other people’s viewpoints on how the subject is handled in our community. I was particularly intrigued by the lectures dealing with the psychology of social media, how people instinctively believe in fallacies, and tips for avoiding misinformation. I feel that these classes provided me with the tools I will need to combat anti-Semitism in college.

In addition to the classes, the trip provided entertaining activities, such as watching a show from the comedian Modi. When he joked about the many customs of various Jewish communities and retold amusing anecdotes from his life, the audience cracked up! I also enjoyed the intensity of climbing the high ropes course, zip-lining over a lake in the dark, and running between tasks with my teammates in The Amazing Race.

It was an honor to have been invited to the first ever SCA BootCampUs, and I hope that others will take this amazing opportunity in the future.

Jessica Saadia, Yeshiva of Flatbush HS
It was right before my AP exams and the last two days of the four years spent at Yeshivah of Flatbush High School—so, you could understand why I was hesitant about joining this retreat. My mother reasoned, “These last days of high school will soon be a blur, but the knowledge you can gain from the SCA speakers will be invaluable.” She had a point. I will be heading into the great big world of “University” with no tools to defend my identity and homeland. My mother was right. I gained a new perspective from the speakers this weekend, in particular Adela Cojab and the AIPAC representatives.

As a senior approaching college it was inspiring to hear that a teenager made a huge difference in the American legal system and for Jews around the world. Adela, now a law student, made a difference on her college campus, NYU, and far beyond that. She sued NYU for not acting on the anti-Semetic behavior occurring on campus. I learned that our age does not quantify the impact that we can have on combating anti-Semitism.

I was also impressed to learn that both Jewish and non-Jewish people can work together on conflicts surrounding Israel. The AIPAC speakers came from different backgrounds and religions, creating a new perspective that I was excited to hear about. The diversity formed a safe environment and made me feel like the Jews are not alone in combating hate. It taught me that young adults, like us, can make a difference in policies by being active in the government and helping with lobbying congressmen.

There was not a moment on this trip that wasn’t enjoyed, and I mean that with no exaggeration. A key message from this retreat that was mentioned in many of the lectures was that just because the overwhelming majority is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right. Before the conference, when encountered with hate, my instinct was to turn the other way. It felt like I was fighting anti-Semitism alone; however, I now know that there is a global community backing me up. In all of the interactive sessions, each speaker taught us something new and widened our perspective. I left the retreat prepared to approach situations like these.

I want to conclude by thanking the SCA. We are extremely lucky to have a community who cares for us and our future. I’d also like to give a big thanks to Yeshivah of Flatbush for preparing us for the new vocabulary and topics that were brought up on the retreat.

Noah Levy, Hillel HS
A day hadn’t elapsed from when I heard about SCA BootCampus, to when I submitted my application. The excitement I had from the ability to spend three incredible days with my peers from all the community schools was immeasurable. My friends, unsurprisingly, joined with the same fervor that I had. We thought that the goal was to learn more about Israel, but it was about so much more than just that. We had team building exercises with Irene Hanan and Yvette Hidary, a game show hosted by Rabbi Soffer, stand-up comedy by Modi, and an entire Amazing Race event organized by Shirley Catton, in addition to speakers such as Adela Cojab, Dr. Mijal Bitton, Jeffrey Beyda, Stand With Us, Liel Leibovitz, Dr. David Sitt, Noa Tishby, Julian Coakley, Karli Krasinpol, Avi Posen, and Sefi Kraut who left us with a thirst to get involved.

Dr. Mijal Bitton’s speech really resonated with me. Her intellect, enthusiasm, and deep research, all from an outsider’s perspective, gave me an even deeper admiration for all that our community has to offer. The central question of her research is why our community remains as strong as it is, for so many generations. She attributed the phenomenon to collective morality, the influx of new immigrants from abroad who are reminding us of our traditions, and wide, but rigid, social boundaries. Going into the speech, I already knew how lucky we are. Deconstructing each aspect of our community and explaining its importance to our longevity intensified my pride.

The relationships I made will last a lifetime, and leaving felt like saying goodbye to childhood friends. I implore all students to take this opportunity to create a powerful front on anti-Semitism. We must take it upon ourselves to find our own ways to join the fight, and the SCA’s BootCampUs offers us a wide range of paths to choose.

AN ORIGINAL NEW PLAY OF THE SEPHARDIC COMMUNITY CENTER

KELLY JEMAL MASSRY

ON JUNE 22ND AND 23RD, IN MONMOUTH UNIVERSITY’S POLLAK THEATRE, THE SEPHARDIC COMMUNITY CENTER WILL UNVEIL BRICK BY BRICK, AN ORIGINAL NEW PLAY COMMEMORATING ITS 40TH ANNIVERSARY. JUST AS IN ITS 1988 PERFORMANCE, GENERATIONS, AND ITS 1991 PERFORMANCE, CELEBRATIONS, HUNDREDS OF THEATER-LOVING COMMUNITY MEMBERS WILL TAKE TO THE STAGE IN A COLLABORATION THAT HIGHLIGHTS JUST HOW CENTRAL THE CENTER HAS BEEN TO THE UNIFICATION OF OUR COMMUNITY.

The development of this production was a dream of current Center President Ricky Novick, who vividly remembers the performances put on in decades past, and how much joy they brought to all who were in attendance. His first order of business, upon becoming president of the Center in January, was to re-enact a community-wide play, where actors of all ages could help portray the story of the Center—from its necessary beginnings to its progression through the decades. Old-timers will remember the community’s worrisome state of affairs during the 1970s, when street crime, club-hopping, intermarriage and relocation were rampant. It wasn’t until 1982, when Morris Bailey and other devoted community members envisioned the Center, that those who’d been so dangerously aimless began to feel anchored in Brooklyn. The forthcoming play, Brick by Brick, pays tribute to those who built the Center, while emphasizing just how important and beneficial its establishment was.

Created by Marshall Mizrahi, directed by Yeeshai Gross, with music by Brad Alexander, and book and lyrics by Jill Abramovitz, Brick by Brick features nine original songs and a fresh and affecting storyline. “It was an honor to be asked by the Center to write our community’s story,” said Marshall Mizrahi. “I wanted to create something that highlights how lucky we are to have a Center for our children to gather safely in, while paying homage to the visionaries that built it.” Jill and Brad are a depth of endless talent with great experience in musical theater, having written Broadway shows, as well as acted in them. They are bringing an unparalleled level of quality to this new script. Yeeshai is no stranger to the community, having directed and produced hundreds of shows, he went on to a career on Broadway. The team is rounded out by Assistant Director Eric Smith, Musical Director Andrea Yohe, and the Center’s very own Sonja Cabasso as associate producer.

Brick by Brick is the story of a new family who has just moved to our community. Transplanted from LA, where the husband/father has been doing business for 10 years, this family, though Syrian, feels very out of place. Having not grown up in the community, the kids don’t know any of our SY lingo and are struggling to fit in to our Sephardic culture. And so, through the use of flashbacks, cast members begin to tell this family about the Center. By learning about how it first began and how much it enriched the lives of those who participated in its programs, this family comes to see how the Center might be the saving grace in their effort to belong. They can lean upon the Center as the unifying force that will strengthen their connection to their Sephardic roots and help them build a true and lasting home among the Syrian Jews of Brooklyn. In this way, an intriguing parallel is revealed as the play unfolds: Just as the Center is being built brick by brick through the lens of the past, the sense of hope and possibility this family feels is becoming renewed in the present—and all because of the institution that’s always given us a place to call our own—the Sephardic Community Center.

“Brick by Brick plays homage to the Center’s previous two original plays: Generations and Celebrations—while creating a new storyline that isn’t just historical but is something beautiful,” said show creator Marshall Mizrahi. “The Center is a centralized entity that’s not about religion or politics, but just about being together.” From the basketball games, to the widows’ support group, to the sensory gym, there is so much going on for people of all ages and circumstances at the Center.

The goal of Brick by Brick is to showcase the richness of opportunity available at the Center, by presenting its array of amenities to one fictional family, surrounded by hundreds of supporting cast members who represent the best theatrical talent in our community. The debut of Brick by Brick is expected to be magnificent, rivaling the grandest performances on Broadway. The Sephardic Community Center cordially invites you and your family to enjoy the show on June 22nd or 23rd! For more information and to purchase tickets, scan the QR code or go to SCCLive.org/BrickbyBrick.

Kelly Jemal Massry holds a B.A. from Barnard College, an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College and an Ms.Ed from Bank Street College. She is a writer, reading specialist and bookstore owner.

ALICE EVE SARDELL, ESQ.

“IF I AM NOT FOR MYSELF, WHO WILL BE FOR ME? BUT IF I AM ONLY FOR MYSELF, WHAT AM I? AND IF NOT NOW, WHEN?”
HILLEL

On this 30th anniversary of the Jews exiting Syria, I feel gratitude that we, the Council for the Rescue of Syrian Jews (CRSJ), succeeded, and that Syria’s Jews are here in America thriving with bright futures.

The Council for the Rescue of Syrian Jews was formed in the spring of 1989. We all held the burning conviction that the time had come to free the Jews of Syria; that no one man, not even Syrian President Hafez al-Assad, could hold 4,000 Jews hostage. With our founders, board of directors, and donors supporting us; Marcos Zalta, Clement Soffer, Jack Mann, and I, together with our Executive Director Professor Gilbert Kahn, evolved into a tight knit group who were hardworking, dedicated and who depended on each other. We needed to be credible, to lead, and make the hard decisions. As we worked, the political landscape shifted, and we were poised to take advantage of it. Because there were 4,000 lives at stake, we worked openly on the world stage knowing that the brighter the light we shone on the Jews in Syria, the safer they would be while we worked towards their release. Failure was not an option.

As we entered the political arena, we made it clear that we would be working until every Jew in Syria was free. We began by educating the US congress, the president, and the state department about the plight of Syria’s Jews. We went door to door in Washington DC, explaining in detail, what the Jews in Syria faced on a daily basis—arbitrary arrests, secret police, divided families, sanctions against emigration, and no future. We made it clear that we, the American Syrian-Jewish community, were their families, and that we were ready to welcome them to America with open arms and resources.

AIPAC (The American Israel Public Affairs Committee) placed freedom for Syrian Jewry on their agenda, as did The Conference of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations along with their members, Bnai Brith, ADL, ASF, JCRC and NACRAC.

In September 1989, I met Michael Matera, who was the Syrian Desk Officer at the US State Department. He felt that freedom for the Jews in Syria would not occur until there was peace with Israel. I realized he needed to hear first-hand from Syria’s Jews. So, I arranged for two leaders of the Damascus community to meet secretly with me and Michael Matera, together with Stephen and Lilliane Shalom, at their home in NYC. Rabbi Abraham Hamra A”H, and Dr. Nessim Hasbani A”H, two courageous warriors, spoke openly about life in Syria. Not only did Matera hear their suffering, but he saw it in their faces. There was nothing further to explain. We developed a relationship of trust. Matera would let us know when heads of state, dignitaries, and congressmen would be meeting with Syria’s government officials. We would meet with them first and brief them.

While we were working, pieces of the political landscape were moving quickly, and a new table was being reset in our favor. For over 40 years, the Soviet Union had been the patron of Syria fortifying it with billions of dollars of military aid and Soviet weapons. This continued through the mid-1970s until President Hafez al-Assad ordered 30,000 troops into Lebanon. By the mid-1980s, Premier Mikhail Gorbachev of the Soviet Union, felt President Assad was a liability and Soviet aid to Syria started to drop. With the end of the cold war in 1989, began the dismantling of the Soviet Union, and freedom for Soviet Jews. By 1990, over 100,000 Soviet Jews were freed and by 1991, Israel and the Soviet Union restored diplomatic relations.

Syria lost its patron and pivoted towards the United States. As a result of our work, the US government told Syria that freedom for its Jews was a necessary condition for Syria to enter into any discussions with the US. The table was reset but this Pharaoh’s heart was hard.

Stephen Shalom introduced us to the Ambassador to Syria, Edward Djerejian, with whom we met regularly when he was in Washington DC. He would later become the Assistant Secretary of State for Near East Affairs. Djerejian was an incredible friend to CRSJ and was a pivotal person in our efforts. And as the US Ambassador in Damascus, he was on the ground, meeting regularly with Syrian government officials. He encouraged our efforts. What followed were continuous congressional delegations to Syria who met with Assad and his foreign minister for the release of the prisoners, family reunification, and for the right to emigrate for all the Jews.

We worked with both the senate and the house on letters to President George H.W. Bush and President Assad, on resolutions and legislative language, demanding freedom to travel for Syria’s Jews and that the Bush Administration make this a priority in their dealings with Syria.

Syria increased its presence in Washington DC. In 1990, Walid al-Moualem was appointed Syrian Ambassador to the US. He would soon be hearing from congress and state department people on our behalf.

We met with Ambassador Edward Djerijian again in March and June of 1990— our impact was growing. In the fall of 1990, we (Alice, Marcos, Michael Mishaan)joined Bnai Brith in a meeting with Argentina’s President Carlos Menem, of Syrian origin. He promised to reach out to Assad and vowed not to rest until all 4,000 Jews were free. We (Alice, Marcos, Michael Mishaan) stayed in close touch with Menem.

We headed to Washington on March 18, 1991, for a two hour meeting with Ambassador Djerejian who had become Assistant Secretary of State for Near East Affairs. He was pleased with our progress. That same evening, at the AIPAC dinner, we (Alice, Marcos, Clem, Jack, Gil) spoke with 20 congressmen and King Hassan of Morocco.

On April 24, 1991, I testified in front of the 200 member Congressional Caucus on Human Rights on the subject of Syria. Congressional letters followed urging President Bush to advocate openly on behalf of the plight of Syrian Jews.

Ambassador Moualem agreed to meet with us in July 1991 at Congressmen Charles Schumer’s office. Congressman Wayne Owens joined us. We pressed for freedom for Syria’s Jews. He asked us for guarantees from the US government that they would not go to Israel. Later that day he told the new US Ambassador to Syria, Christopher Ross, that he wanted us (Alice, Clem, Gil, Abe Cohen A”H) to stop the letters and the legislation.

We continued getting the issue out on the world stage. Board member Elie Wiesel A”H met with the President of France, Francoise Mitterrand. Lilliane Shalom met privately with King Hassan of Morocco.

Together with Senator Arlen Specter A”H, we met Deputy Secretary of State Lawrence Eagleburger. We told him that we did not want to be tied to the rise and fall of any peace negotiations going on between the Arab states and Israel. It wasn’t in our interest. Eagleburger’s face lit up as he fully agreed with our (Alice, Marcos, Clem, Gil) position.

In August 1991, we (Alice, Marcos, Michael, Gil) met at The White House with General Brent Scowcroft, the US National Security Advisor for President Bush. He said, “Syria’s Jews are on our agenda. We are concerned about them.”

At the end of the summer, we had our second meeting with Ambassador Moualem. He asked us to stop what we were doing (Alice, Clem, Gil).

By the fall of 1991, Congressman Stephen Solarz A”H and Stephen Shalom presented us with an offer from the Syrian government: 200 single girls in exchange for stopping all our efforts. We met that night to discuss it. We turned it down. We wanted everyone out. (Alice, Marcos, Clem, Jack, Gil)

At a function Clem spoke with King Juan Carlos of Spain and handed him a package that we had prepared, as his foreign minister was going to Syria and would speak to President Assad.

Ahead of the October Madrid Peace Conference, the Israeli Government stated on national television that freedom for Syria’s Jews would be top of their agenda. And on Nov. 12,1991, the Israeli Consulate met with us (Alice, Marcos, Gil) and other Jewish leaders telling them that Syrian Jewry would be a top priority.

We (Alice, Gil) held a press conference in NYC with Law Professor Irwin Cotler, stating, “Under Syria’s Constitution, all Syrian citizens are permitted to travel freely and that holding its Jews is a violation of their own constitution.”

We worked closely with congress to pass a milestone resolution, “condemning the denial of freedom of emigration and travel, calling upon the Syrian government to release all Jews in prison, urging President Bush and our allies to make similar pleas to Syria and asking for a United Nations investigation into the condition of Syria’s Jews and Syria’s adherence to the United Nation’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights.”

We held rallies in December 1991, in front of the Syrian Mission in NYC, and in front of the Syrian Embassy in Washington DC. We placed full-page ads in The New York Times and The Washington Post demanding freedom for Syria’s Jews.

By January 1992, Ambassador Moualem informed us that Silva and Faraj Alfieh ages 8 and 12 would be permitted to exit Syria to reunite with their family in New York. He asked us to stop the rallies to which I replied, “I am sorry. It is out of our hands” (Alice, Clem, Abe Cohen A”H)

On February 26, two pipe bombs were found in Manhattan, with notes attached which read, “Free Syrian Jews.” CNN interviewed me for the evening news. We were not involved. No one was hurt.

The European Parliament worked closely with us denying Syria money until the Syrian Jews were free. In April we were back in Washington DC for a meeting with Assistant Secretary of State Edward Djerejian. (Alice, Clem, Marcos, Jack, Gil)

We were hearing rumblings for months from multiple sources that Assad had enough but did not yet make a move. Then on April 13, 1992, a delegation from the Jewish community in Damascus was summoned by President Assad to discuss their concerns. One week later, on April 20, 1992, we received word that Eli and Selim Soued had been released from prison and were home with their families. It was Passover. There was more to come.

On April 23, during Passover, Ed Djerejian called me with amazing news. The head of the secret police called in the leaders of the Jewish community and relayed that “President Assad has sent orders that any Jew who wishes to leave may do so.” On Sunday evening, April 26, 1992, I held an emergency meeting at my home. We agreed that the Jews being allowed to travel needed to be on the record for Syria to be accountable. (Alice, Marcos, Clem, Jack, Gil, Malcolm Hoenlein, Shoshana Cardin).

We knew that Ed Djerejian was planning a morning White House press briefing. Gil enlisted the help of two respected journalists to ask a question about Syria’s Jews. The question was asked, and with that, Edward Djerejian announced that Syria was allowing its Jewish community freedom to leave. The reporters ran out of the press room to call their news desks.

The following morning, April 28, 1992, on the front page of The New York Times, read “Syria Giving Jews Freedom to Leave.”

We worried this might only last until the upcoming US Presidential election in November. We arranged for asylum status for Syrian Jews as a group with Deputy Secretary of State Lawrence Eagleburger. In Damascus, Ambassador Chris Ross set up the Embassy so that the Jews would get their US travel visas on the spot. Edmond Safra A”H generously donated $3M for plane tickets for those who did not have money to pay for them. We worked using every airline to get the Jews out as fast as possible.

First to arrive, were 8 individuals reuniting with their families. By May 17, 1992, 48 Jews arrived including three complete families. A steady flow continued.

By October, 2,650 Jews had arrived in New York. As the US election approached, Syria began staggering exit permits, soon closing the door on the remaining 1350 Jews.

We did not miss a beat. We wrote the position paper on Syrian Jewry for the new Clinton Administration. President Hafez Al-Assad clearly wanted to renegotiate the remaining Jews with the new US President, but this was not to be. President Bill Clinton, together with the new Secretary of State Warren Christopher, who took this issue to heart, and Special Advisor Martin Indyk, would not permit it. It took them several trips to Syria and many months of diplomacy to get the door fully open again, We doubled all of our efforts. On December 5, 1993, we held a huge rally, in NYC, and stayed the course until every Jew in Syria who wanted to leave did so.

This successful mission took a village. We stood on the shoulders of, and alongside, Stephen Shalom, who traveled to Syria for 20 years before, bringing single women out, and keeping the embers burning until we came on the scene. It took our executive committee, founders, board members, supporters and friends of CRSJ, the US government, American Jewish organizations, the European Parliament, Global heads of state, and all the individual angels to join in the fight.

We were told over and over that this would never happen. In the end it did.

Alice Eve Sardell, Esq. was the President of the Council for the Rescue of Syrian Jews. She is an attorney, broker, and resides in NYC.

MARY ANNE COHEN LCSW, BCD

ARE YOU HUNGRY FOR HOPE? IF YOU HAVE BATTLED WITH BINGEING FOR A VERY LONG TIME, YOU MAY FEEL DESPAIR WONDERING IF YOU’LL EVER BE ABLE TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES—OR IF YOU CANNOT STOP THROWING UP AFTER YOU BINGE, YOU MAY BELIEVE YOU WILL NEVER GET BETTER. IF YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ARE CONVINCED YOU COULD NEVER LIKE YOUR BODY, YOU MIGHT FEEL DEEPLY DESPONDENT.

So, how do you inject hope into what feels like a hopeless situation? How do we move from hopeless to hope to healing to wholeness? Hope is when you look forward to something you desire and have reasonable confidence that you can achieve it. You have a strong belief that you can reach a cherished goal. Hope is different than optimism where people try to have a positive outlook and “whistle a happy tune whenever they feel afraid.” While optimism is a positive attitude, hope has a goal and a determined plan of action to help you achieve that goal.

When people feel hopeless about making progress in their eating or weight issues, they do one of two things.

They become paralyzed and stuck in their misery and do nothing. Since nothing changes, their despair deepens. Eating and weight issues become a chronic way of life with an increase in emotional and physical limitations. A lack of hope engenders passivity, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and then resignation sets in.

They make a sweeping overhaul to change themselves quickly and dramatically. People begin to follow restrictive or fad diets and punishing exercise regimes. But a quick fix is rarely sustainable because it takes so much energy and deprivation. So people wind up eventually reverting back to their old behaviors.

Neither choice provides much hope for long lasting change. So how can we stimulate hope when all our best efforts have failed? Jackie, age 24, gave me an unusual lesson in hope. In our first consultation after listening to Jackie’s story, I told her that she had a diagnosis of binge eating disorder. A slow, bright smile lit up her face. She seemed thrilled! I was so surprised at her happy reaction that I asked her why. “Because, up until now, I just thought I was crazy!” Jackie explained. “I have been so ashamed and guilty and felt so alone with my chaotic and sneaky eating. I’ve spent a ton of money on food and even hide food from my family. Now that I know I have a real diagnosis, you are giving me hope that there is something I can do about it. If there is a true rhyme and reason to what I do, then hopefully I can change it!”

To generate hope with your eating struggles, begin by doing just one thing differently. Since change is composed of a series of forward moving steps, taking even one step on your own behalf will provide a glimmer of hope. Hope begets hope, and you can continue to build strategies against your emotional eating with bite-size pieces.

OTHER STRATEGIES TO ENCOURAGE HOPE
• Lessening your perfectionism. The identity of many emotional eaters is based on performance, pleasing, and striving to be perfect; they are convinced this is what makes them lovable. However, evaluating your life and your eating behavior through the lens of “I must be perfect” will sign you up for a lifetime of frustration and self-doubt. The antidote to perfectionism is believing that, good enough is good enough.

• Speak with others who have the ability to just listen (and not necessarily give advice). Venting our stress rather than acting out with food is a robust tool to lighten our burden. “I love coming to therapy,” laughed Sherry, “because you have to totally listen to me and I don’t have to reciprocate by being polite and asking how you’re doing! Frankly, I don’t care how you are. I just want to talk about myself!”

• Changing what you can, accepting what you can’t. Accept a certain amount of powerlessness. Take all necessary steps to fix a problem, let go of the results. In the midst of a grueling divorce, Pearl recognized that all the cake in the world was not going to resolve her conflict. She continued her plan of action to solve her legal dilemma while working valiantly not to compound her own pain by overeating.

Everyone’s path to self-care and self-soothing is as unique as a fingerprint. Keep refining your unique path. The last chapter has not yet been written on your life. There is still room and time to cultivate a good, strong relationship with yourself where food is no longer a tool for emotional expression and release. Sink your teeth into life, not into your relationship with food!

If you are hungry for hope, reach out to MEND (Mindful Eating New Direction). MEND is a new community initiative to help people like you. You are not alone!
We will work with you to:
• Custom tailor an individual approach for your unique needs.
• Help you get control of your eating back inside yourself.
• Develop and maintain healthy eating patterns.
• Regain body confidence.
• Unlock what may be keeping you stuck in your eating problems.
Schedule an initial assessment with MEND, and we’ll help you determine if you can benefit from treatment. To start a confidential conversation about your eating, please contact us. All contact is absolutely confidential.

Please feel free to call (718)336-MEND. MEND is a division of The SAFE Foundation.

Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD has been Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982. She is also author of French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating and Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. Mary Anne has hosted her own radio show on eating disorders, appears frequently on national television, and is a professional book reviewer.