On July 25th, 2010, my mother, Odette Ades passed away, and I was left with no parents. This thought has staggered me. I am 46 years old with a family of my own, and yet I can’t believe that the people who raised me and who I’ve looked up to all my life are gone.
The hole that has been left by her passing is massive. Even though she was not directly responsible for taking care of me and my three siblings anymore, her interactions with us indirectly led us in the right direction. I never realized that her words and deeds were so instrumental in our actions. Many times I still want to call her to discuss a topic and then realize that she is gone. I must act on my own instinct, without her gentle, almost imperceptible persuasion that had always led me along the right path.
My mother had many great qualities. First and foremost was her love and dedication to her family. She possessed what is commonly known as a mother’s heart, meaning we were always first in her heart and there was nothing she wouldn’t do for her children. From the time she would wake in the morning to the end of the day, her thoughts were focused on doing anything that would make life better for her children. She pushed us to attain goals in life that many times were even greater than what we could have imagined for ourselves. She knew what each one of us was capable of achieving and made sure that we reached those heights. As we grew older, she was there for us when we needed encouragement, advice, support or a shoulder to cry on. She was our confidante and the one person my siblings and I could always count on when times were tough. Her love for us was unconditional, unwavering and immeasurable.
Creating a loving environment also meant instilling in her children a love of religion and community. My mother did not go to synagogue every Saturday, nor was she zealously religious. However, she had a profound belief in G-d that was steadfast. All the principles of Judaism were extremely important to my mother, and she gave each credence.
One principle in particular became my mother’s purpose. That principle was the belief in Olam Haba, (the world to come). Because of her undeterred faith in Olam Haba, she was able to keep my father, Ralph Ades, who passed away in 2000, as a continual presence in her life. She truly felt that he had moved to the next level and that she would one day join him and be together for eternity. She would always say that he was with her and looking out for her, helping her with life’s trials and tribulations. This was a great comfort for her and helped her deal with his passing.
A third quality that characterized my mother was her uncanny ability to form friendships. My mother had many friends and was able to get along with anyone. Her capacity to see the good in everyone was the key to this trait. From when my siblings and I were very young my mother would urge us to go outside and play with other children so that we could form new friendships and learn new games. At the time we thought she just wanted us out of her hair, but now we realize it was done to get us to gain confidence in ourselves, and to teach us how to interact with others. This is the basis of human kindness, to respect people and to see the best in others. We have all inherited this attribute from my mother; it is one of her lasting legacies to her children.
I have many memories of my mother, but one memory is always with me because it speaks volumes about her strength. On her last day, when we knew that the inevitable was upon us, all my aunts and uncles joined us in her hospital room. My mother sat up like a lady, fixed her hair as best she could, and despite the fact that the pain must have been immense talked, laughed and cried with all of us. We thought we were trying to make things better for her but in the end she made things better for us. She was the one who was dying, yet there was never any remorse. She stated that she had lived the best life and was thankful for each day that Hashem gave her. She gave everyone a chance to say their goodbyes and to feel like we had one more special day with her. When everyone had left she said she was tired and put her head on the pillow. She never woke up and passed away the next day. To me that last day was her gift to us, her family.
I will always remember my mother for her goodness, strength, grace and boundless love. She was the person that we all wanted to emulate, and our memory of her will never fade. I hope that my siblings and I can continue in her path of kindness to others, and love of Hashem.
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Dr. Nathan Ades is a community member.
