Mary Anne Cohen
The High Holidays are a beautiful time of spiritual renewal – a time to pause in our daily lives and routines to draw closer to Hashem and our inner spiritual selves. However, for many people who struggle with eating and body image problems, the Holidays can be a challenge and a source of stress. The Holidays take us out of our comfort zone and our familiar structure of work, school, family life and thrust us into lots of rich enticing meals, lots of socializing, lots of quiet time praying, as well as the strain of fasting. For those in eating recovery who depend on the security of a predictable routine, the Holidays may leave them triggered and unsteady.
Recovery from an eating disorder includes learning to eat when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full. Feast days or fast days interrupt that recovery work by requiring you to ignore your hunger and fullness, which can trigger someone in recovery to relapse. So first, let’s put the holidays in perspective – they have a beginning, middle, and end. Remember, you will be back to your normal recovery eating routine shortly!
It’s been said, “Those who fail to plan, plan to fail!” Planning and preparing for the support you’ll need requires thoughtfulness ahead of time. You have lived through many High Holidays and need to look back at what has worked best for you in the past! Let your own inner experience be your teacher.
Here are six strategies to follow for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur:
1. Share with those who care: Isolating with your eating disorder will make things harder. Choose a friend or family member who knows what you’re going through and whom you’ll see often during the Holidays. Check in with them regularly as to how things are going for you, what issues are coming up, and how you’ll handle them. If you are in therapy or have a nutritionist, include them in your planning before the holidays begin.
2. Be of service to someone you know who is struggling. Reaching out to another person who may be suffering with their eating disorder is a compassionate act that may strengthen your own determination to take good care of yourself.
3. Remember, the holiday is about illuminating your spiritual path, not about what you ate, didn’t eat, or should have eaten!
4. Practice Self-Care: Before eating, take a long breath, relax your shoulders, and exhale slowly. Do this three times. Put your hand on your stomach or on your heart to keep you connected with your inner self.
5. Repeat a short prayer silently for comfort throughout the Holidays such as, “Help me find the courage to make my life a blessing.”
6. Avoid the temptation to join random conversations about food, fat, or appearance.
Some additional considerations about fasting for Yom Kippur: There is controversy about whether anorexics should be exempt from fasting. Jewish law does underscore the priority of honoring one’s health – mental health included. “Judaism is very clear that literally nothing comes in the way of saving a life — nothing,” explains Rabbi Yakov Saacks, director of the Chai Center in Dix Hills, New York. Rabbi Saacks understands the complexities of eating disorders and their intersection with Judaism in a very personal way because his daughter suffered from an eating disorder.
“After my daughter got sick, I had to make some hard decisions,” Rabbi Saacks says. “Once I realized that insisting on the Jewish laws on food and eating was an obstacle to her recovery, I let it go. The philosophy here is that only a living person can observe the commandment to fast on Yom Kippur, and if I even allow her to fast, then … fasting will serve to exacerbate her eating disorder and make her ability to fight to live another day more difficult.”
If fasting is an issue for your recovery, please speak to your rabbi for guidance.
Cultivate compassion for yourself. We, as human beings, are all imperfect. The High Holidays remind us of our intention to keep striving to lead our best lives physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We strive for progress, not perfection.
Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD is Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders and author of three books on the treatment of eating disorders including French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. www.EmotionalEating.Org.
