From Daddy Issues to Divine Connection

A Rosh Hashanah Imperative to Improve
Your Relationships

Rabbi Ezra Max

Rosh Hashanah is your opportunity to improve anything in your life and especially your relationship with the Almighty. It’s not only a time for reflection, but also an opportunity to mend and renew relationships, particularly with our Heavenly Father and our earthly families. As business leaders and parents, it’s crucial to recognize how our relationship with the Almighty and our personal dynamics with our families and employees reflect and impact our professional and personal lives. The upcoming New Year is a perfect moment to address and resolve any lingering “Daddy issues” and reframe our understanding of authority, guidance, and love.

Understanding the Impact of Loving Structure Versus Neglect

Imagine a business where you provide an employee with unlimited pay and benefits but fail to set clear expectations or provide structure. This employee would likely become confused, disengaged, and unproductive. Similarly, in the realm of parenting, a lack of structure and clear expectations can lead to frustration and poor outcomes. Too much freedom and enabling without guidance or accountability can result in chaos and even self-destructive behaviors.

Contrast this with a structured, loving environment where expectations are clear and support is consistent. In business, employees thrive under clear guidance, constructive feedback, and accountability. In parenting, children flourish when given boundaries coupled with affection and support. This approach helps them understand expectations and develop healthy self-discipline.

The Wisdom in Challenges: Necessity and Innovation

In our relationship with the Almighty, this dynamic is mirrored. Hashem provides us with the Torah and the Mitzvot as a blueprint—a loving structure to guide us and ensure we stay on the right path. Just as a structured environment leads to successful outcomes in business and parenting, so does adherence to this divine guidance lead to spiritual growth and fulfillment.

The saying “Necessity is the mother of invention” reminds us that obstacles often lead to innovation and breakthroughs. This principle applies to our personal and professional lives. Difficult situations, while challenging, can open doors to new opportunities and growth.

Addressing Daddy Issues: A Path to Connection

Reflect on how past difficulties have led to personal or professional breakthroughs. When you faced a tough situation, how did it eventually lead to a new opportunity or growth? This perspective is essential as we approach Rosh Hashanah. Recognizing that challenges are often the catalyst and stepping stones to success allows us to face them with faith and resilience.

Many of us struggle with unresolved issues related to our fathers or authority figures, including our relationship with Hashem. These issues can manifest as frustration, anger, or disconnection. On Rosh Hashanah, it’s crucial to address these feelings and seek to repair and renew these relationships. This is the specific moment to feel into the deep spiritual connection our Neshama (soul) has with the Divine. We have an opportunity to acknowledge and commit to improving our connection, communication, and compliance for the future.

Reality check: We as parents and business leaders also have the opportunity and even an obligation to reach out toward our children and employees to open lines of improved communication and connection. We must address conflicts and foster positive relationships with our children and engage in healthy, adaptive interactions with our employees. This means making the effort to connect, communicate, and model positive behavior.

For example, a client of mine, facing a significant crisis with a key employee who was undermining the company culture, initially struggled with frustration and a sense of failure. He decided to focus on his own self-improvement, which included a deeper commitment to prayer and reflection. He then began to build a better connection with the problematic employee, who was on the verge of being fired. This shift in approach not only transformed his relationship with the employee but also brought positive changes in his family dynamics. The improvements were significant, and he leveraged this challenging situation into a triple play WIN: enhanced employee relations, improved family harmony, and renewed business success.

The Rabbis have taught us that anyone making an effort to improve is Divinely assisted. This makes the seemingly impossible not only possible but probable, therefore—you must try.

Practical Steps for Improvement

Reflect and Repair: This Yom Tov (Holiday) season, take time to reflect on your relationships with your children, employees, and with Hashem. Identify areas where you might have fallen short and take steps to address these issues. Acknowledge any unresolved feelings and commit to making positive changes.

Engage in Connection: Make an effort to reach out and connect. For parents, this might mean planning activities with your children, having meaningful conversations, or simply being present. For business leaders, it could involve regular check-ins with your team, expressing appreciation, and fostering a supportive work environment.

Model Healthy Behavior: Demonstrate the behavior you wish to see. For parents and leaders, this means modeling emotional resilience, respect, and commitment. At home and at work, it involves setting clear expectations, providing constructive feedback, and creating a supportive atmosphere.

Seek Divine Guidance: Embrace the opportunity Rosh Hashanah offers to reconnect spiritually. Engage in prayer, Teshuva (repentance), and Tzedakah/Chesed (kindness) to strengthen your relationship with Hashem and align your actions with divine guidance.

Connect with Yourself: You are a Divine being with a unique task in this world that includes specific challenges you need to overcome. Apologize, forgive yourself, and commit to having an awesome year of improvement, growth, and expansion.

A Prayer for a Sweet New Year

As we approach Rosh Hashanah, I offer you this blessing: May your year be filled with renewed connections, personal growth, and divine guidance. May you find clarity in your relationships with yourself, your family, and Hashem. May your efforts lead to abundant outcomes, and may you experience a year of health, happiness, and spiritual fulfillment. Gmar Chatima Tova!