The sound of your child crying and clinging desperately to you as you try and escape to the door is enough to make any parent want to sweep them up and promise to never leave them again. But the reality is that sometimes moms and dads have to leave their little ones. For those of us lucky enough to have family members nearby, the first day of school may just be the first time your little one is not in a family member’s presence.
This is scary for them and separation anxiety is one of the most heart-wrenching problems to deal with when it comes to children. But it is a problem that has to be dealt with since you can’t possibly be with your child every moment of every day.
One way you can help your little one is to make sure she is familiar and comfortable in her surroundings. It is a good idea to take her to nursery school a few times, before dropping her off on the first day of school. Have her meet her teachers beforehand, as well.
If possible, allow the child to bring along a favorite stuffed animal or blanket. Sometimes having these items there gives them a sense of security.
Arrange play dates with some of the children at the nursery school ahead of time so your child can form some relationships and already have a friend before school starts.
Prepare your child ahead of time for the separation by letting her know where she will be going. You can describe some of the fun things she will be doing at school and it is a good idea to let her know what you will be doing while you are away. This lets her know you aren’t leaving her because you don’t want to be with her, but because you both have important things you have to do!
Make sure your child has breakfast and a good night’s sleep. Children are easier to deal with when they are rested and have a full belly.
Let her know that you will be back. Tell her in terms she will understand, like after snack, naptime or playtime outside.
Once you arrive at school, don’t linger. Look your child in the eye, say goodbye, give her hugs and kisses, then leave. And even if you hear screaming, do not go back. This sends the message that if she cries, you’ll return. This is the wrong message to send. Don’t sneak out, even though this might seem easier. When she looks for you she is more likely to become alarmed that your’e not there.
It often helps if the teacher leads her away from you, after you’ve said goodbye, and tries to engage her with a toy or a fun activity.
Never get annoyed because you’re child is acting out. Comfort her, let her know you’re coming back, kiss her again and go.
Once your child gets into the routine and is no longer screaming and crying when you leave, it is important to praise her for being such a “big girl.” Even when you think the separation anxiety is gone, it can come back just as quickly as it left. The important thing to remember is that most children only cry for a few minutes after their parents leave.
Separating from your child can be heartbreaking at first but it helps them build independence, social maturity and form relationships. Plus, you can’t go through high school by her side.
