When you have a baby, you expect him/her to do certain things, like crawl, toddle, walk and talk. What new parents need to know is that children develop at their own pace. Some start to walk very early, others very late, but eventually all healthy children learn to walk. There is a rhythm to every child’s life and each stage is a time of new discovery and wonder. Some children take a step backward before making a giant leap forward. If your child is a late bloomer, try not to worry.
Growth and development are not a race. As one poetic pediatrician put it, “life is a process of ripening. To get good fruit, you need to nourish strong roots. Pay attention to the ground that supports your child’s life: Go for a walk together, eat and play together, tell him stories about your childhood and create family traditions. Personal traditions build the kind of confidence that will carry your child through this world.”
“One of the most important things new parents can do is trust themselves. When a new baby comes into our lives, we’re expected to know everything and yet we feel like we know nothing. This can be an opportunity to open our powers of intuition.”
Another tip for new parents: you cannot spoil a child with love; you can only spoil a child with indulgence. Recent studies have shown that indulgence deflates motivation and diminishes feelings of success. Children need unconditional love and encouragement. Encouragement means putting courage in your child, not doing things for him. Unconditional love encourages your child to take chances, to experiment, and to fail without judgment. Sometimes being an encouraging presence in your child’s life means standing a little off in the background, there to offer a compassionate hand when circumstances call for it, but trusting in his innate ingenuity.
Gone are the days when kids could run around the neighborhood unsupervised. Because parents are scared to let their kids go outside on their own, they keep them indoors. Children watch TV, play on the computer, and go to organized sports. While these things are not bad, children need to connect with nature. When we were kids, we climbed trees, played in the dirt, built forts, caught frogs, and had a great time. We learned about nature by being part of it. If you don’t want to let your child roam unsupervised, go with him and let him take the lead. Let him play freely. Let him touch nature, get exercise and enjoy the fresh air.
In addition, you can’t get hysterical every time your baby sniffles. Being healthy does not mean never getting sick. A resilient immune system is one that learns how to get sick and get better. Living too clean a life robs us of the information necessary to be fully prepared to recover. Rather than living in fear of illness, there are natural ways we can help our children recover quickly and efficiently: good nutrition, hydration, probiotics, rest and exercise.
As a society, we’re addicted to quick fixes because we have no time to be sick anymore. In emergencies, strong medicine is often necessary to save lives but most health problems in childhood are not emergencies. In those instances, it takes more than strong medicine to get better; it takes time. Spending another day at home because a child isn’t feeling well can add stress to our already stressful lives, but healing is a developmental process that has its own stages. Instead of feeling stressed because you have to spend a few days at home with your child, use the time to bond and enjoy each other. Create good memories.
One of the most important things new parents can do is trust themselves. When a new baby comes into our lives, we’re expected to know everything and yet we feel like we know nothing. This can be an opportunity to open our powers of intuition. Studies have shown that a mother’s intuition is more powerful than any lab test in picking up problems. Unfortunately, we are flooded with so much scary information that it interferes with our ability to listen to our own intuition.
Being a good, happy parent and creating good, happy children requires patience. What kind of mommy or daddy do you want to be? Once you’ve done your research and made your decisions about how you want to parent, there are going to be people that will try to tell you that what you are doing is wrong. Some of them are well-meaning and some of them are not. Sometimes you may welcome advice and even seek it out. Other times unsolicited advice may annoy you. Regardless, you need to learn to take what works for you and leave the rest. Be confident.
When we step back and see the big picture of our lives, we discover wisdom and compassion—and your child will be very lucky to have a wise and compassionate parent.
