Back to School: Make Time For Your Child

It’s mid July and as I walked into Walmart today the first things that caught my eye were the rows and rows of back to school supplies. Packs and packs of fresh Crayola crayons, #2 sharpened pencils, cool folders and those marble composition notebooks. Suddenly I was eight years old again. There it was in the pit of my stomach just remembering going back to school. Old anxieties surfaced once again. Class cards didn’t come yet, who will be in my class? Will I have friends? Will the kids like me? Who’s my teacher?

Here I am a mother, grandmother, educator and therapist and these feelings are as real now as they were then. We as parents need to stay in touch with our inner child and by doing this we will better understand our children, their fears and dreams. As parents we need to be ready for the change and start planning for the transition.

Although we are still in the heat of summer fun, sun and endless days of no structure, no homework and no routines, we need to at least be ready mentally. Remember the 3 Rs rules, routine and responsibility. If we can teach our children these three concepts we have all succeeded. The next logical question would be—how?

In my practice, especially at this time of year, I am bombarded with questions from “my parents” and I’d like to share some of them with you and I invite you to send me yours.

How do I prepare for the transition from summer to back-to- school? First of all, communication and listening to your children is vital. Ask them how they feel about the coming semester. Let them verbalize their concerns and or fears. Second, set up rules. Re-establish bedtime routines at least during the  week before school starts. If your child is a late sleeper start getting him up earlier so that when school begins waking up will be less of a challenge. Every evening think of the morning and lay out clothing, prepare snacks or lunches, sign permission slips and this way you’ll avoid what I call morning madness.                                                                    
How can I help my child develop good homework and study habits? What I find works is doing homework as soon as they get home. Some kids are starved and need dinner, others can function with a snack. Once homework begins, it should always be done in a permanent place. Homework should be worked on, especially for the younger child, in a common area where they can be supervised. A kitchen or dining room table works well. Establish a rule that TV is off during homework time and mommy’s phone is shut and ignored as well. Your child deserves your undivided attention.

Be organized and let your kids participate in this process. Take them to staples and buy neat bins or caddies to organize their supplies, especially if your house is anything like mine, before we got organized we would frantically search for a sharpened penci,l a marker, stapler, tape or glue. When you become organized, you will save at least 15 minutes of aggravation each night.

Another great tip is to buy a giant calendar where assignments, upcoming projects and tests are posted. Your child will learn to budget his time and prepare in advance.

If it’s in your budget, a fax and copy machine are extremely helpful especially if your kids tend to leave things at school.

If your child has “issues” or any special needs, how much information should you share with the school?

If the issues are medical, I would certainly share this information with the school. For example, if your child takes medication during the school day or requires preferential seating, these are important for her teacher to know. However, I would be careful in labeling a child and telling a teacher he’s a nudnik, gets out of control or is fresh. Avoid negative comments—if they’re true—she’ll figure it out.

Remember school and home are a partnership. Be  involved. Look through your child’s bag everyday. Check his homework. In fact, today many schools post assignments and upcoming test online. Mark the calendar when you see a math test for the following Tuesday. Attend open school night to meet the teacher. One of the biggest factors in a student’s success is having parents who are involved in their work.

Make time everyday to talk about your child’s school day. Let him know your are interested and care. Remember, you and only you, are your child’s advocate.
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Rena Laniado is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist in private practice. She has worked for the Department of Education for 25 years.