I am often asked, can we really change our self-image? First, lets define the concept. Self-image as defined by Webster is the idea, conception or mental image one has of oneself. It is a mental self-portrait of what we look like from the inside out.
Where do these ideas actually come from? They come from many places, beginning in our early childhood and often one spends his entire life trying to change them. Heres the good news: ideas can change and therefore you can change your opinion of yourself.
Parents make the most significant contribution to a childs self-image. Next come teachers, family and peers. They all add to our opinion of ourselves. Its what they taught us and what we internalized and believed.
Many therapists suggest writing down your thoughts about yourself. This may give you some clarity into who you think you are. For example, if you write down: Im lazy, or I will never amount to anything or Im too fatyou need to ask yourself who told you thatwas it a parent a friend or a teacher? This idea may have set in your mind and defined your image for your entire life.
Now that you have a frame of reference, you can question whether this image is false. Is it something you believed to be true because a powerful adult said it to you?
In order to change the cycle, you need to recognize that you are smart, not stupid, as you were told. You are hardworking and not lazy. Take Joan, she was a slightly overweight youngster and lived in a world where being thin and beautiful was revered. She was constantly told to diet, and cringes as she vividly recalls the looks her family gave her with every bite she took. She remembers telling a friend she couldnt wait for her birthday because it was the only day she was allowed to eat cake. Now, as an adult, after years of dieting, she has finally reached her goal. Unfortunately, in her mind she is still that fat kid and even when shes trying on size six clothes, shes still wondering if she looks fat.
Negative self-image often serves as a shield. One may use his negative self-image to say Im stupid, Im lazy, why even try? Perhaps a negative self-image serves to protect you from success or justify your failures. Self-image can affect almost every aspect of your lifeyour physical, mental and emotional being.
If we keep in mind that there is no such thing as perfection, we can move ahead and learn to accept ourselves and ultimately be accepted by others.
Rena Laniado is a psychotherapist in private practice. She welcomes your questions, email: reenchy@optonline.net.
