Ruki Renov, author of the immensely popular “The Art of the Date,” is back with wise and witty advice for married couples. She offers sage advice for men, such as, “Never argue with a woman when she’s tired—or when she’s rested.” She gives fine advice for women, such as, “A woman never appears more intelligent to a man than when she is listening to him.” And for both men and women, she suggests, “To keep your marriage strong, whenever you are wrong, admit it. When you are right, keep your mouth shut.”
“The Art of Marriage” provides the research and techniques of today’s most renowned marriage therapists as well as inspiring Torah thoughts, all put together in a format that is highly entertaining, insightful, and designed to help you improve your marriage. The introduction states, “After reading this book you may still be in the same position as before, but hopefully you will understand your situation and your options more clearly. Of course, in order for the suggestions to be effective, people must be open to change and growth.” On the cover of the book, there’s a warning, “reading this book may lead to a happy, healthy and long lasting marriage.”
“All marriages are happy—it’s living together afterward that’s rough,” she quips. The book isn’t all jokes and funny stories. There are tips about choosing the right spouse and how to build a strong and loving marriage. It will teach you about having children and about finances. There’s actually a lot of good advice, including “when looking for your bashert, relax and be assured that Hashem is handling everything.”
After the wedding, It’s important for couples to realize that they didn’t marry the wrong person, just because they had a disagreement. There are going to be many disagreements and a lifetime of making up. Research has shown that every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of incompatibility that will never be resolved. Expect the differences and agree to disagree. The goal of marriage is not to think alike but to think together.
Although you often think alike, your new spouse is not a mind reader. Some people go through life hoping their mate will figure out what is bothering them. That’s not healthy. You must tell your spouse what you are feeling, even if you have to force yourself to do so. It will help you and your marriage.
Eighty percent of men withdraw from conflict; women tend to become louder and more aggressive as they try to force their husbands to communicate. This does not promote understanding. No matter the differences, men and women both want to marry someone who will be a good friend and who will respect them. If there is a strong bond between the couple, their differences will be an inconsequential part of their feelings for each other. So, try to keep calm and remember why you married him/her in the first place.
“The Art of Marriage” will teach you how to communicate, strengthen your self-esteem, set boundaries, appreciate each other, grow together, and build an authentic Jewish home. Finally, this book will teach you that love is an unusual game in which there are either two winners or no winners.
