Anxiety & Your Child with Special Needs

Watching your child overcome with anxiety is difficult. Watching your child with special needs overcome with anxiety is even more difficult—for so many reasons. Kids with special needs experience anxiety as many typical children do, however the way that the anxiety manifests, or is expressed, looks different based on the child’s communication and sensory processing skills associated with his/her diagnosis.

Many parents find themselves at a loss for ways to help. It can be very stressful for the entire family, especially when changes need to be made for one child and his particular needs.

Anxiety is defined as intense agitation filled with tension and dread. Many children with anxiety demonstrate the following symptoms: shallow breathing/hyperventilation, shaking or trembling, sweating, stomachache, diarrhea, vomiting, extreme agitation, crying, anger, hives, skin issues, loss of concentration, fatigue or lack of sleep, and avoidance of situations. Anxiety is different than fear, fear is specific, where anxiety is more tangible and nonspecific. If your child has special needs his/her symptoms may consist of everything previously mentioned and can also include increased stimming (short for self-stimulatory behaviors that include hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, or repetition of words and phrases), tantrums, or verbal responses.

Anxiety becomes a problem when it begins to disrupt the child’s ability to function in daily life. This includes refusal to go to school, refusal to leave the house, lack of friends, and limited social growth. It is natural to want to minimize the anxiety in our children and to try to identify the triggers in order to avoid them. Some children with special needs have communication difficulties, and the way these feelings of anxiety manifest may look different for each child—and even more different than a typically developing child.

To better understand the connections between special needs and anxiety, it is important to understand your child’s sensory system and how sensory overload may contribute to his overall behaviors and emotions. There are many different causes, symptoms, and treatments for anxiety. The ones that work for your child may not be the same as the ones that work for another child. Try to keep an open mind and be patient. Here are some tips: stay calm, I know this is easier said than done, especially if you are worried about your child’s wellbeing, but remember that your child doesn’t understand what is happening to him, and these feelings are very confusing. Take a deep breath, and calmly try to remove the child from the situation as soon as you can, to get him calm. It is important not to yell or demean him for his anxious thoughts or behaviors. If you are outwardly anxious you will feed into the child’s anxiety and make it worse.

If your child is verbal—communicate and listen—help him open up about his feelings, fears, and worries. Understand the value of tears, crying can be a great stress reliever. It can flush out bad feelings and ease tension. It’s hard to see your child cry and your first instinct will be to get him to stop, but be patient and wait. After he is finished crying, he might be in a more open and receptive mood for talking and sharing. Provide a soothing and sympathetic presence, but let the crying run its course.

Ask him what two or three things he is most worried about, and most excited about? Zeroing in on specifics will help your child sort through the array of fears and feelings. By asking what excites him, you will bring good things to light that may be drowned out by all the scary things the child feels. Acknowledge what he is feeling and show empathy. Don’t try and fix the problem, instead be supportive. Possibly even role play scenarios, so your child can experience the end result of the “what ifs” playing in his head and experience the outcome in a safe place.

Children suffering from anxiety feel comfort when they believe they have some control over the situation. If nothing else, you will ensure that your child won’t be afraid to talk to you the next time he feels this way. Let him know that he can always talk to you, no matter what, and you will not get upset or nervous.

Another important thing you can do is incorporate routine sensory diet activities throughout the day. A sensory diet is a carefully designed, personalized activity plan that provides the sensory input a person needs to stay focused and organized. Just as you may jiggle your knee or soak in a hot tub to unwind, children need to engage in stabilizing, focusing activities too. Some parents find it helpful to schedule quiet time to allow for downtime before the activities if the day gets too overwhelming. Deep touch pressure, whether it be through weighted clothing, compression garments, weighted blankets in bed, lap pads in the classroom, even putting rocks in his pockets helps. The positive input has positive effects on anxiety.

Try to learn your child’s signs of distress. It can even be nonverbal indicators telling you that he is quickly becoming over stimulated and anxious and needs your help regulating, before reaching the point of a meltdown. Create a portable sensory tool box to reduce sensory sensitivities and improve tolerance to stressful situations. It can consist of calming music with sound reduction headphones, chewy and crunchy snacks, weighted stuffed animals, essential oils, and preferred sensory fidgets.

Know when to get help, recognize the signs if it becomes a big enough problem to require professional help. Some signs can be change in sleeping and eating habits, attitude, behavior, friends, clothing, and music preferences. There are places that specialize in anxiety problems that you can take your child to. You can call the CARE office for recommendations. Keep in mind that childhood anxiety often has little to do with the parents. Let your child know that you’re always there to support him through these difficult feelings.

There are so many effective strategies that help with anxious feelings and each one is as individual as each child’s anxiety. Try not to focus on the big picture, look at the little improvements. We as parents need to support and understand that these wonderful children, who constantly struggle with anxiety, just need extra time, and a supportive loving and encouraging voice to remind them over and over that they can and will accomplish anything they set out to do.θ