ADD/ADHD: A New Approach to an Old Problem

For a child with ADD/ADHD life is a series of disconnected events that always end up being their fault. Imagine growing up in a world where you are constantly upsetting people around you, and you have no idea why.  These children get used to feelings of rejection and disapproval.  Studies indicate that even when at play, they have a negative impact on their environment. Their world consists of being yelled at, lectured, or punished for one thing or another.

Very often the first words that they are introduced to are commands like stop, pay attention, or be quiet.  Because of their unbridled energy they grow up accustomed to these reactions of frustration and anger, and they eventually tune out  any form of discipline.

As they enter school, learning becomes the most important thing for them. They need to focus in order to learn, something that for other children occurs naturally, but for them is extremely challenging because of their  brains’ abilities.

Through  current technology of brain imaging, doctors have determined that  the lack of focus and other symptoms we see in these children, are attributed to actual differences in the makeup of their brain; meaning  they are wired differently. This means that all of the frustration, and discipline that we have been using towards them has been misdirected, and we are challenging them in areas that they truly cannot manage. This is no different then yelling at our babies to grow.

Nearing the age of three or four children seek to please the adults in their lives. It is at this age that these children begin to realize that they are not making adults around them happy. They are unable to comprehend their nature, and develop a conditioned feeling that they are always misbehaving. They do not know that their behaviors are a result of a difference in the blood flow in various areas of the brain. Impulsivity, creativity, and inattentiveness can easily be misjudged as bad behavior which generates constant frustration. Compare this to  a parent who is forever screaming at their child for being clumsy, punishing them constantly for knocking things down, and then finds out that their child has a serious vision impairment. The terrible effects that those  punishments create feelings like the world is unfair.

At pre-adolescence these children begin to evolve into individuals. At this time their world begins to crumble, because they are faced with resentment for being blamed for things they do not remember doing. The development of teenage years brings with it the “individual self” which doesn’t allow the child to take the blame for things they don’t remember doing. This is when trust in the adults around them often crumbles, and anger emerges. The anger is a mix between depression, and true anger for a situation which they can’t escape.

Very often children will make extreme efforts as a last  attempt to try and focus in school. This comes from their desperate desire  to satisfy the educational and social demands of their environment.  Without guidance,  they will most likely fail,  because they are  once again attempting to go against their nature. When this happens they will be devastated, often resulting in extreme burnout. Because of this, many children decide in a most definitive way that they cannot  succeed in school, because it is  too hard.

The  word “potential”  is often such a difficult word for these children. To them it means feeling like they always missed the last train,  or that they were one number short of winning  the Lotto jackpot. When  children come to the conclusion that they will never satisfy the demands of life that are necessary to succeed, they become very depressed.  This is the source of the terrible emotional effects of ADD and ADHD in adolescents.  Their deep frustration and resentment evolves into depression, anxiety, and  angry opposition.

It is so important to recognize the symptoms of ADD/ ADHD as a true condition, when it comes to dealing with this issue. These children and parents alike must know that it is a real neurological condition of the brain, that can’t be punished or coerced away.

It must be respected like any other condition in the sense that the behaviors and symptoms cannot be controlled without proper treatment. When we reach the conclusion of a real diagnosis, and we have a treatment plan that has a beginning and end, then we are on the road to a solution.

This allows the immense fear and emotion to dissipate, allowing the child and parent to focus on identifying strengths and weaknesses, and methods of making things work. For parents and children who have suffered for so many years of agony looking for a solution, this information is a blessing.

I have been working with children, adults, and marriages effected by this condition. Through years of experience, I have determined  that the most  important  aspects of someone’s prognosis, is the way they perceive themselves. It is very damaging if children sees themselves as sick. If they feel hopeless, then they will generate more serious symptoms. If their views are hopeful, they will find ways to function despite their challenges. For this reason the initial goal of  my treatment model is to generate hope.

When children are told by adults that they are disordered, we are giving them the message that they are broken, and not repairable. The children must be  reassured that  they are not crazy. This  message has been part of the legacy of  ADD/ADHD Attention Deficit Disorder, by using the word disorder we create a terrible stigma for children.

We must never tell children that they are disordered! To a child the message is a final word on  who they are, and who they will become. This message can influence the rest of their lives.

I have developed a structured  treatment approach which I have been using successfully with children for the past 10 years. It  consists of stages of treatment and specific goals. The premise of the treatment is based on the following statements.

1. Everything in this world functions with a certain order.
2. Different things function in different orders.
3 When something changes its function, it is merely forming a new order.
4. Disorder,  by definition means no order, or that which is not functioning.
5. The difference between order and disorder can be decided by seeing if it is functioning.
6. The objective of treatment is to find the persons “personal order”  and with that create a function. So their new order is their way to function.

Applied to every challenge in life, this works;  To be  disordered is to not function.

ADD, and ADHD need to be viewed as conditions that describe the different abilities of a child. The child or person needs to be functional not disordered. Productivity must be the  measure of a person’s acceptability. Children who do things their own way, should  be accepted as accomplished as long as they are working towards positive goals.

With this approach, teachers and educators will no longer feel resentful of the students that are not complying with the norms of the class. They will welcome the difference and try and accommodate the children as they search for their own paths to success.

Parents do not have to be angry when a child doesn’t listen, because they now know that their child is not intentionally ignoring them. When parents complain that their children  never listen, forget things, or that they deny doing anything wrong,  they will know that children with ADD/ADHD are not doing things out of spite but rather because they are truly unable to. These skills do not come to them naturally, they will learn them with the proper therapy and treatment. They must able to accept it as a difference that must be dealt with no differently than diabetes or an allergy.

I have used this approach for over 15 years, and as a result from my treatment, I have a population of adults who are accomplished and successful in life, and have found happiness within themselves. They are confident to say that they may be different, but they are not disordered, because they function in their own way. Based on the request of some of my clients, I have even extended the method to matching their right mate for life. They do not suffer from the fallout of adult ADD/DHD because they have made choices that are within their own order, and realistic goals.

We must save these children from the needless shame and rejection that they get from school  and home when they are not understood, and they are treated as emotionally disturbed. By educating educators  and parents we can allow these children to exist with their own order as long as they do not disrupt the flow of school and home. We must establish a new mindset that does not waver:

My theory will be available to the public soon, in a series of manuals for treatment based on this treatment model. The series consists of four easy to read manuals for parents, teachers, spouses, and individuals with ADD/ADHD. In it I discuss  the support for the view of ADD/ADHD as a brain difference,  and practical applications for how we can change our ways to save our children from low self-esteem, and a negative view on their life.

I am available for private engagement to train parents, and educators in this model, and I will be conducting weekly parenting meetings that are open to the public. They will be held at Beth Torah Congregation on Tuesdays at noon.  My office can be contacted for more information at (718) 336-8000, or questions can be directed to  notdisordered@aol.com.

Let’s stop the trend that has caused so many people to feel rejected and inadequate. We can save these children through our own changes. It is impossible not to feel the urgency to make this change in our society. Its time has come! You can see more about my methods on      Youtube: DRSIMCHA123.