RABBI EZRA MAX
WE LIVE IN UNIQUE TIMES. THE WORLD IS STILL STRUGGLING WITH THE IMPACT OF COVID-19. TO MASK, OR NOT TO MASK. VACCINATE, DON’T VACCINATE. THE USA IS POLITICALLY DIVIDED. CONFLICTS HAVE BECOME TABLETOP DISCUSSIONS. WHAT CAN WE DO? HOW CAN YOU OR I MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO IMPROVE OURSELVES, OUR FAMILIES, AND THE WORLD AROUND US? A MISHNA IN ABOT SAYS “AIZEHU MECHUBAD, HAMECHABED ET HABRIOT.” THE ONE WHO IS MOST HONORED IS THE ONE WHO RESPECTS OTHERS.
Starting on the second day of Passover we begin Sefirat H’aomer (the counting of the Omer.) We count the 49 days leading up to the holiday of Shavuot, when we celebrate the Torah’s acceptance on Mount Sinai. These days are called the days of sefirah (counting.) During this time we prepare ourselves and purify ourselves for accepting the Torah.
How do we prepare ourselves? By working on our midot (refining our character traits.) This of course enhances our behaviors. As it says, Derech Eretz Kadmu L’Torah, (The way of the land, the practice of being with people, precedes the Torah.) The Talmud tells us the story of the great sage Rabbi Akiva’s students dying. He was the leading sage of the Jewish people during his time. The Talmud states, “12,000 pairs of students died a terrible death from a plague during the short time between Passover and Atzeret, (the days of sefirah.) Why did they die? Shelo Nohagu Kavod Zeh La’Zeh. (They did not interact with each other with respect and honor.) Let’s say that again. 24,000 rabbinical students died in a short time from a plague, almost completely eradicating Torah wisdom and scholarship. Why? Because they were disrespectful.
The commentaries highlight a possible inner stinginess or jealousy. They didn’t want to support a fellow student, or they didn’t want to see someone else be more successful than they were in Torah study. This was an insult, not only to their fellow scholars, but it was offensive to the Almighty, who cherishes Torah study and supporting its scholarship.
Today, we are living through our own global plague. Perhaps, it’s time for us to begin treating others with more respect.
Food for thought: While facilitating a workshop for managers in a midsize company, I encouraged participants to crowdsource their personal and organizational values. We did an exercise to source and find the values and principles they want to embody. The goal; to bring alive the values, making them explicit and clear, and having everyone operate and integrate from shared values. I can report, most of the values and principles they chose and claimed, (caring, trust, honesty, patience) have underpinnings based on respect.
Think about this for a moment. How do you feel when your coworker treats you respectfully? Does it make you feel better or worse? How awesome would it be to help people feel better all the time? What if we were to treat ourselves and others with conscious respect? Wouldn’t our interactions be much more joyous?
What about at home in our family life? In our PARENTeen program, we begin with respect and honor. Fact: Most parents who reached out over the past 20 years for support, be it a personal challenge or a situation with a struggling teen, began by sharing a problem or struggle that described some form of irresponsibility. I love asking parents to please share something good, unique, or honorable about their son or daughter—especially the one they’re struggling with. At the completion of our call, I invite the parent to acknowledge their teenager while using the word respect in a specific and dynamic way. The results from this one exercise are transformational.
Keep in mind these rules for how to use the word respect effectively.
Conscious: Reflect and think, what do I respect about this person? When we find and know what we respect, we feel, think and act differently.
No Buts: We must give a genuine acknowledgment without any disclaimers.
Honest: Respect must be sincere. If we say the word respect and don’t mean it, we are being disrespectful.
During these days of Sefirat H’aomer, we’re working on ourselves. The number one lesson we learn from Rabbi Akiva’s students is to treat each other with honor and respect. What if we capitalize on this timely lesson and treat everyone with respect?
Remember Devarim Hayotzim Min Halev Nichnasim El Halev. (Words or feelings emanating from the heart enter the heart.) When we feel respect for others, even if we don’t manage to say it, our inner relationship with them will shift towards respect. Our behaviors will reflect the same. They will know and feel our respect.
Blessing you with respectful relationships in every area of your life.
Rabbi Ezra Max, PPC, MHMP, Xchange Guide & Creator of “The Max Method” assists businesses and professionals deal with stress and achieve success. Rabbi Max has witnessed 20 years of results helping executives, parents and teens overcome struggles, improve communication and thrive. He lives in New York with his wife and five children.
