It was the late 1990’s and I was running myself ragged on a hamster wheel. Almost broke, barely making it, every day I’d wake up, put on a suit, and head to a job with no joy, no potential for growth, and no future. Do you relate?
It was soul sucking, but I kept at it because I was running my life under the same misconception many people have—that in order to be who I wanted to be, I had to have money and things. And that in order to have said money, I had to do more.
In fact, I was so focused and driven to work harder and do more, I lost sight of who I truly wanted to be.
Then, one day I woke up to a paradigm shift. I realized that, if I wanted to build a future for myself, first and foremost I had to be real, authentic, and focus on who I could be. Only then would I have what I truly wanted out of life. With this clarity, I gave my current boss notice.
It was terrifying. I didn’t have a plan, or another position lined up. I had nothing but the knowledge and clarity that I not only wanted more, but that in order to get my life where I wanted it to go, I needed to be more. What happened next was nothing short of miraculous, and it taught me some important life lessons.
Be Present & Get Real
Every one of us faces challenges on a daily basis. Some of them are minor nuisances, while others are full scale crises. In the moment, when we’re facing a challenge, what really matters is how we deal with it. Do we curl up in a ball and hide? Do we freeze up or can we somehow find the courage to be real, to be present, and face the challenge head on? After all, courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, it’s taking action despite the fear.
Perception Is Key
I’m currently working with a young entrepreneur. He’s on his third business, and struggling. He’s so hard on himself, bemoaning “I’m a loser, a failure,” and yet he’s just 26 years old, and he’s overcome the odds so many times, worked, sweated and built businesses from scratch!
He’s learned what works, and what doesn’t. He’s learned how to manage a team, how to speak to clients, how to negotiate and operate. His first businesses may not have been sustainable or profitable, yet as a person and entrepreneur he’s grown tremendously. He’s well on his way to success.
I like to think of Thomas Edison, who tried and failed to invent the light bulb many times. Each time he failed, he said, “I found another way a light bulb won’t work.”
In coaching, we talk about structure of interpretation (SOI), the language we use to describe a situation and/or the lens through which we view it. Changing your language or your lens changes everything.
Reframe: Leverage StrugglesTo Your Benefit
Often, the solution to our struggles is staring us straight in the face. Sometimes we only get to the solution through the struggle itself.
Another one of my clients works in real estate. When he was first starting out, he struggled for a bit until he closed a few good deals. He then upped his game and took on greater risks. All it took was a little more debt and bang, he was in trouble. He was overleveraged and really struggling. His initial investors and funding sources were tapped out. This challenge forced him to find new methods and resources, which ultimately opened doors to even greater funding, bigger deals and profits.
Back to my personal miracle. Six months prior to leaving my job, I had worked a sales lead. I put my heart and soul into this deal, meeting and negotiating with their entire executive team. When this deal fell apart, I remember feeling crushed and saying out loud I may not understand, but it’s what G-d wants. Little did I know how impressed they were with me. As soon as they heard I left my job, they reached out immediately to recruit me with a generous offer.
Part of my decision to give notice that day was because I calculated my income requirement and realized it would not happen where I was. Incredibly, BH, their offer matched this number precisely.
When we strategically think about who we want to be, truly, and where we want to go, we’ll be able to take the right steps in order to do, and ultimately have the life we always dreamed of.
Let’s stop the focus on “doing” and start becoming! Give it a try. And if you need a little extra support, give me a call at 718.377.3900, or email yes@themaxmethod.net.
