Daughters Reflect on Jewish Mothers

Rachel Ament noticed that she and her friends often shared humorous anecdotes that were typically variations on a theme: overprotective, worrying Jewish moms who smothered them with love. That included Ament’s own mother. “My mom is probably every Jewish stereotype scrunched into one,” the Washington, DC, resident said. “At the root of all these stereotypical, worrying, overprotective moms, is love.”

Ament, a freelance writer, decided about three years ago that it would be fun to invite Jewish women writers she admires—mostly bloggers, stand-up comics, and actors—to contribute stories about their mothers for an anthology. The result, “The Jewish Daughter Diaries: True Stories of Being Loved Too Much by Our Moms,” features 27 essays and is set for release just in time for Mother’s Day. The youngest contributor is writer Lauren Yapalater, 24; the oldest is stand-up comedian Wendy Liebman, 53.

In putting the collection together, Ament contacted about 40 writers including, actress Mayim Bialik, producer Jena Friedman, and playwright Deb Margolin, who were all happy to contribute.

Many of the essays focus on dating and a Jewish mother’s strong desire to see her daughter married. That includes Ament’s chapter, “Seth Cohen Is the One for You,” in which she states her certainty that all Jewish women carry a particular chromosome for match making.

Ament said, “I was in second grade when my mother would point out different boys in the carpool lane at my school insisting that they were meant for me.” No matter that at the time, Ament wasn’t yet interested in boys.

Among Ament’s favorite essays is one by Lauren Greenberg. When Greenberg turned 30, her mother created a JDate profile for her. She didn’t follow up with any of the men her mother had pre-screened, although she concedes that it is “something I now regret. My mother put a lot of effort into screening potential sons-in-law and all I did was roll my eyes at her.”

Greenberg, however, figures she might have a second chance. “Maybe this year, I’ll send a video to ABC, explaining why I should be the next Bachelorette,” she said with a smile.

Ament doesn’t worry about perpetuating stereotypes with her book. “I don’t think as a culture we should ever be scared to talk about ourselves, to talk about our identity, but I do think we should be careful about how we talk about it, and talk about it in a very full, multidimensional way.”

While Jewish mothers in the past were often ridiculed and demonized, Ament said the writers in her book portray their moms in a very loving, heartfelt, affectionate way.

Not all the essays focus on mothers. Sometimes it’s a grandmother, such as blogger Almie Rose’s 5-foot-1, feisty Oma, a Holocaust survivor and “slip of a thing” who was “bawdy, blunt and sarcastic. But on the opposite side of that fire and sarcasm was a fierce love for her children and grandchildren,” Rose wrote in her essay. “Oma’s love was immense and unconditional.”

Then there’s Kerry Cohen, a child of bitter divorce, who looks to her grandmother as a model for relationships. “My grandmother could teach me things when it came to men,” Cohen wrote. “It wasn’t just because she’d been married for 57 years to a man who adored her until the end. It’s that her standards were so much higher than mine.”

“The Jewish Daughter Diaries: True Stories of Being Loved Too Much by Our Moms,”is sure to put a smile on your face.