The Yeshivah of Flatbush Ladies Auxiliary recently held its third annual Parenting Powerhouse. Our gracious hosts, David and Lena Waingort opened their home for a day of inspirational parenting classes along with a delicious complimentary lunch.
Our diverse lineup of speakers addressed a variety of parenting concerns beginning with YOF’s own Harvey Bachman and Ruth Waide, who discussed bullying. Harvey is the YOF Director of Pupil Personal Services and Ruth is a psychological evaluator. After an eye-opening video illustrating the potentially deadly effect bullying can have on teenagers, they explained the different types of bullying (physical vs. verbal). They raised the important point that there are always three players involved in bullying—the bully, the victim and the bystander.
It is important to let our children know that as bystanders they have responsibilities. They emphasized the importance of role-playing possible bullying scenarios with our children so that they can practice standing up for themselves. They also spoke about parental reactions to bullying—the importance of keeping a level head and creating a safe and empathetic environment for our children to share their bullying experiences. Of course it is never recommended to encourage aggression or physical retaliation; rather, parents should work with the school to solve the problem and simultaneously teach our children safety strategies, and encourage hobbies and friendships that will build resilience.
Nutritionist Sandi Zohni shared her expertise about improving children’s eating habits. She encouraged the setting of a meal schedule: three meals per day plus three satisfying snacks. She suggested snacks that were more than just carbohydrate based since those snacks tend to promote a rise and then sudden drop in blood sugar (causing children to crave yet another snack within a very short amount of time).
Her advice was to combine carbs with fat or protein. Some better choices than potato chips were nuts, fruit cups, soy-nut butter sandwiches, low-fat cream cheese with crackers, vegetables with low-fat dressing as a dip and, of course, whole fruits. She explained that one serving of carbohydrates (the equivalent of one slice of bread) is about 15 grams. We spot checked some pretzels in Lena’s pantry—the small snack bag had 24 grams! It is clearly important to read the labels.
Sandi also encouraged us to have children sit down (not watching TV) while eating. She stressed the importance of moderation and encouraged us to allow for junky snacks but at the same time advised us to keep them out of sight and to set limits on them. She suggested we have a plate of cut vegetables waiting for our children when they return from school. As it happened, I took home leftover vegetables from the event and my children actually cheered and devoured them as if on cue.
Following a delicious lunch, we were taken by surprise by our next speaker, Mr. Avi Smus, Certified Therapeutic Crisis Interventionist, who spoke about Internet safety. He began by speaking about street safety and he pointed out while our children naturally feel safe and protected in their neighborhoods and with friends, there are predators everywhere. On the computer, kids also feel safe and become comfortable, often sharing personal information and thus becoming susceptible to online predators. In his work with SAFE, he teaches kids how to use the Internet safely. As parents, it is important for us to monitor our children’s Internet use (as for filters, check them frequently to be sure they have not been compromised). He provided us with an eye-opening primer on instant messaging abbreviations. Some important ones to know: POS (parent over shoulder), WTGP (want to go private) and LMIRL (let’s meet in real life).
Our kids are also susceptible to bullying over their cell phones. Parents must be aware of this and encourage children to tell them if they get threatening messages. In an incident this past December, when a threatening text was sent out (anonymously) to an overwhelming amount of middle school kids (yes, yeshivah kids), we learned that many of them did not tell their parents about it. Ask your kids!
Our final speaker of the day was Rabbi Dr. Simcha Cohen. He spoke in a refreshing and down-to-earth way about the basics of Torah observance and how, with all the technological advances available to us, our Torah obligations are about the person and not about the material. We light candles, recite berachot, give tzedakah—there are no innovative gadgets to rely on. Raising children through difficult financial times gives us an opportunity to demonstrate that attitude is what matters.
We don’t have to view belt-tightening as suffering! Sacrifice is a concept we find over and over in the Torah and is a way to foster spiritual growth. The essence of life isn’t about what we have and don’t have; it is about our attitude and approach. If our kids want things we can’t or won’t buy them now, we should validate their feelings but at the same time empower them with our support. Let them know it’s okay to do something different or to be different on the outside because it is who you are and what you do that matters (not what you wear). Emphasize commonalities as opposed to differences in order to strengthen the concept of community, belonging and sacrifice. It is also crucial to realize that ultimately, our kids want more of us and not more material things. This is, thankfully, something we can offer in abundance!
Our third annual Parenting Powerhouse was packed with information and insights from our tremendous line-up of speakers, and truly benefited the many parents who attended.
___________________
Lisa Melamed is a Yeshivah of Flatbush parent and a Ladies Auxiliary board member. She was the chairperson of the Parenting Powerhouse. Photos by Peggy Chernikoff.
