Mary Anne Cohen
Naomi was crying in my office, “I just can’t go on vacation. I’ve gained so much weight since last summer, I don’t want anyone to see me in a bathing suit. All the cool girls are going to be on this trip. I feel like such a loser!” What Naomi doesn’t know is she is not alone—two other girls have been in my office saying the exact same thing!
Julia presents a different story, “After having my fifth child, I can’t seem to lose the baby weight. So many girls in my community get back in shape pretty quickly after pregnancy. Everyone is going to judge me when they see me on vacation looking like a whale.”
Naomi and Julia are not strangers when it comes to feeling badly about their bodies and weight, but the idea of having to show themselves in summer clothes makes them extra vulnerable. When vacation time intersects with “feeling fat,” it becomes the perfect storm for self-consciousness and self-blame.
How can we help Naomi and Julia embrace the enjoyment of their vacations while lessening their body image distress? Following are six suggestions of WHAT NOT TO DO and WHAT TO DO.
WHAT NOT TO DO
Before vacation, do not go on a diet or restrict your eating in order to lose weight! It will backfire! You will either overeat on vacation or when you return home to make it up to yourself.
In her upcoming book, Body Love: An Awakening Journey from Diet Culture to Freedom, Sari Dana describes the lengths she went to trying to stay on a diet and even lose weight during a family vacation to the Caribbean. “I prepped, froze and filled up a suitcase with a vacation’s worth of juices, 5 a day, for 10 days. That’s 50 frozen juice bottles! The excitement, dedication, commitment, and will power wore off quickly! At each meal, I brought my juice with me to the restaurant while everyone else was enjoying delicious food. I tried really hard to drink while everyone else ate, imagining how wonderful I would feel after drinking 10 days worth of juice. When I could no longer hold on, I felt like a failure. Today, I don’t blame myself. I wasn’t yet awakened to the harmful practices of diet culture—I was part of them.”
Do not compare yourself to others. We all have our own unique and personal journey regarding body image, food, and anxiety. The girl with the “most perfect” body may have her own inner stress and anxiety. Remember that “comparison is the thief of happiness.”
what TO DO
Eat mindfully. Tune in to your hunger. Eat what will satisfy you. Stop when you’re full.
Try to translate why you are feeling fat. Many people blame their weight when they are really feeling anxious about something else. Naomi came to realize she was criticizing her body when, in truth, she was really worried about meeting boys on this vacation. When she was able to better focus on this underlying worry, we strategized how to better help her face her fears about her popularity and competition with other girls.
Tell yourself, “It is what it is,” in other words, accept yourself compassionately for where you are today. You are a work in progress. The final chapter has not yet been written on resolving your food and body image struggles.
Enjoy your vacation! You deserve it!
If you would like support on your eating, weight, body image journey, please feel free to reach out to the Mindful Eating Project. We will work with you to:
• Custom tailor an individual approach for your unique needs.
• Help you get control of your eating back inside yourself.
• Develop and maintain healthy eating patterns.
• Regain body confidence.
• Unlock what may be keeping you stuck in your eating problems.
Schedule an initial assessment with The Mindful Eating Project, and we’ll help you determine if you can benefit from treatment. To start a confidential conversation about your eating, please contact us. Your contact with us will be absolutely confidential. Please feel free to call (718) 336-MEND. The Mindful Eating Project is a division of The SAFE Foundation.
Mary Anne Cohen, LCSW, BCD is Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982. She is also author of French Toast for Breakfast: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating and Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace with Emotional Eating. Mary Anne has hosted her own radio show on eating disorders, appears frequently on national television, and is the professional book reviewer.
