What King David Teaches About Blind Spots
By Jeff Sitt
SOMETIMES THE THINGS WE SEE MOST CLEARLY IN OTHER PEOPLE ARE THE VERY THINGS WE HAVE THE HARDEST TIME SEEING IN OURSELVES.
We are remarkably good at seeing what’s wrong with other people. The employee who doesn’t take responsibility. The spouse who doesn’t listen. The child who is always on the phone. The partner who always needs to be right. The friend who is impatient. We see it, sometimes instantly.
But here’s the harder question. What if some of the things we see so clearly in other people are the very things we have trouble seeing in ourselves?
There is a remarkable story about King David that speaks directly to this. David HaMelech had made a series of serious mistakes involving Batsheva and her husband, Uriah. Hashem sends the prophet Natan to confront him, but Natan doesn’t begin with an accusation. He tells David a story. Two men live in the same city. One is wealthy and owns many sheep and cattle. The other is poor and owns only one little lamb, which he loves and raises with his family. When a traveler comes to visit the wealthy man, instead of taking one of his own animals to feed his guest, he takes the poor man’s one lamb.
David is furious. He immediately sees the injustice and selfishness of what the rich man has done. Then Natan says two words that change everything. “Atah ha’ish.” “You are the man.” The man David was judging was a mirror. David could see the wrongdoing clearly when he thought he was looking at someone else. He had much more difficulty seeing it when he was looking at himself. More than 3,000 years later, we still do the same thing.
“My kids are constantly on their phones.” Maybe they are. But before criticizing them, how present am I when I’m sitting with them? “My wife never listens.” Maybe. But how well do I listen to her? “That guy is so impatient.” Maybe he is. But where in my life am I impatient? “My employees don’t take responsibility.” Perhaps. But have I actually given them the authority to make decisions, make mistakes, and grow?
This doesn’t mean every criticism we have of another person is secretly about us. Sometimes people really are behaving poorly. The mirror principle simply asks us to do something harder. Before using the magnifying glass on someone else, turn the mirror toward yourself. Ask yourself. Is there some version of what I’m criticizing living in me? Maybe not in the same way. Maybe not to the same degree. But is it there?
There’s another kind of blind spot, particularly in leadership. Sometimes we complain about a problem without recognizing that we helped create the conditions for it. A business owner complains that everyone comes to him with every little problem. But perhaps for years he has trained his people to believe that every decision requires his approval. A leader complains that nobody takes initiative, yet every time someone tries something new, he corrects them, overrules them, or shows them how he would have done it. Eventually people stop taking initiative. Then the leader complains that nobody takes initiative. The hardest problems to fix are often the ones we can’t see because we’re standing inside them.
But perhaps the most powerful part of King David’s story isn’t that he had a blind spot. It’s what he did when Natan showed it to him. David didn’t attack Natan. He didn’t blame someone else or explain away what happened. He said, “Chatati LaShem.” “I have sinned against Hashem.” He owned it. Maybe that’s the real test of growth. Not whether we have blind spots. We all do. The question is what happens when someone holds up the mirror. Do we defend ourselves? Do we explain? Do we blame? Do we attack the messenger? Or can we pause long enough to ask. What are they seeing that I’m not seeing?
Every leader needs someone who can hold up that mirror. Every husband does. Every wife does. Every parent does. Every one of us does. So perhaps there are two questions worth asking. What criticism do I repeatedly hear from people who know me well that I keep explaining away? And who is my Natan? Who in my life has permission to tell me something I may not want to hear? A spouse, a partner, a child, a trusted friend, a rabbi, a coach? Someone who cares enough about me to tell me the truth.
King David teaches us that greatness isn’t the absence of blind spots. Greatness is having the courage to look in the mirror when someone finally helps us see one. So the next time you find yourself thinking, “What is wrong with this person?” pause for a moment. Turn the mirror around and ask. What might this be showing me about me?
Jeff Sitt is a Business & Life Strategist, speaker, and author who helps individuals and business leaders move from stress, reactivity, and overwhelm to greater clarity, focus, and purpose. Drawing from decades of business experience, mindfulness practices, and practical Torah-based wisdom, he combines mindset, emotional awareness, and actionable tools to help people perform better at work and in life. Jeff is the author of “Driving to Thriving: Reduce Stress and Increase Profits.”
