JOYCE BAILEY CHABBOTT
My daughter tells me: “It’s very easy to shop online, Ma. Just scroll through until you see something you want.” But I don’t want to spend my days scrolling through. I want to stroll through the aisles! So it’s scroll vs. stroll.
“Let’s go to Target on Erskin,” I say to my daughter, Sophia. Right away she takes out the computer. “What do you want?” She asks as she goes on the Target app. My reply, “I want to go to the store!” Eyes rolling, she shut down her computer and off we go to Erskin. I’m thrilled.
Trouble started when I parked in a space that said something like, parking for parent with child. “Ma, you can’t park there. It’s for mothers with babies.” “Yep, and you’re my child. Let’s go.” Again, her eyes roll.
So, there I was strolling through Target, happy as a lark! I needed some health and beauty aids, Dove Softsoap to be exact. I finally found it, but mysteriously, it was locked in a glass showcase. I stared at the glass trying to figure out how to open it. I tried to slide the glass to one side, nope. I tried to slide it up, nope. I looked for a handle, nothing. I was totally perplexed. Then my daughter came strolling into the aisle. “Ma, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying to figure out how to get the Softsoap out of this showcase.” Again with the eyes.
“Turn around. See that button the on wall? Press it,” she says. So I press the button.
The showcase didn’t open. “It didn’t open,” I tell her. “Ma, it’s not going to open. An employee will come with the key to open it up.” Sure enough a young man came with a key to open the showcase. OMG, and I thought the computer was confusing!
Next, we go to the checkout. It’s self checkout. Do you want a bag? It says on the screen. “Yes!” “That’s $1.00.” Thankfully Sophia was an expert and I just stood by looking like I came from another planet; from another time for sure—a time when you could stroll up and down the aisles filling up your shopping cart without pressing buttons, a time when you could unload your purchases on the conveyer and the cashier would helpfully bag your items, without asking if you needed a bag. Truth be told, I have so many bags, I could probably sell them! They’re always left in the trunk of my car until I realize, at checkout, that I forgot them there. There’s just too much to remember these days.
Do I have my cell? My keys? And now, do I have my bags? I think it’s a conspiracy to drive us crazy.
When did shopping become so confusing?
Buttons, keys, self check out, do you want a bag? Ugh!!
Scroll vs Stroll—I think I’ll go with scroll.
Joyce Chabbott is a creative writer who sees the world through a comedic lens. Her motto: you could either laugh or cry. It’s better to laugh.
