SOPHIA FRANCO
MEMORY IS A FUNNY THING. IT PLAYS TRICKS ON US, FLASHING ONE REEL, AND THEN ANOTHER. WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, I HAD A MOTTO. “ENJOY LIFE, YOU MAY GET HIT BY A TRAIN TOMORROW.” LOOKING BACK, THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, BUT IT WASN’T. I WAS A RULE BREAKER, AND A WHIM TAKER. MY SISTER’S HUSBAND NICKNAMED ME, “FLOWER CHILD,” AND I GUESS I WAS.
Iwas the one who brought an extra pack of Yodels to share with the rest of my table at lunch. I was the one who ordered the French fries at the diner, and I was the one who threw Peanut M&M’s into our popcorn at the movies. I was chunky, as my husband reminds me, and in the version of the story I speak about here, I didn’t care. And yet, even as I type these words, I also remember bringing no-mayo tuna on “thin bread” to lunch, day after day, to the very same table where I once brought Yodels, years before. I remember a strict 800 calorie a day diet that I kept for months, and that the two pieces of thin bread were just 100 calories combined. I remember being hungry. At that time, I remember a nervous tic of clicking my watch buckle open and closed, incessantly, throughout the day. So, no, maybe I wasn’t always a flower child. Maybe I was a nervous little girl trying to make my friends think I was awesome because I ordered whipped cream and hot fudge on my frozen yogurt. I’m not quite sure.
Sari Dana and I grew up together; we are exactly the same age. It is incredible to see her enthusiastic following, and to watch how she has brilliantly tackled the once taboo subject of elevating body image in this community. Her book, Body Positive – The Journey, is more than inspiring. It allows us to experience her personal story in a real and raw way, and says, to each of us, you are not alone. We are in this together.
Mary Anne Cohen, Director of The New York Center for Eating Disorders since 1982, psychotherapist, and Sari’s book editor explains, “Sari has become an energetic warrior against diet culture, expressing a fervent wish for girls and women to truly learn how to free themselves from society’s straight jacket. Her book is filled with wonderful stories from Sari’s life (cue up her sad and hilarious attempts to lose weight through fertility hormones as well as by carrying 50 frozen juice bottles on vacation from Brooklyn to the Caribbean). Body Positive is also a guidebook, inspirational roadmap, educational manual, and most of all, represents her desire to inject hope for those who have constantly struggled with the pain and frustration of eating and body image dissatisfaction.”
“WHAT DO I WANT?”
Sari began her career some thirty years ago as a certified health coach and fitness instructor with a following that grew to over a hundred women and girls attending her classes daily. After she began her journey with Mary Anne’s help, she employed a method of declaring self-love affirmations combined with embodied movement called intenSati, and experienced life changing results. She decided to introduce it to her girls. “I am powerful beyond measure,” she exclaimed, while rolling her hands in front of her heart in a move called Power. “Let’s repeat, I am powerful beyond measure!” They responded, but not with strength. No one understood or cared about how they felt. They cared about a smaller waist and thinner thighs. They cared about how they looked.
Sari explains, “Fifteen years ago, no one spoke about true wellness or healing from the inside out, but I had seen the light. I spent an immense amount of time retraining my brain, and I learned that people can be themselves and love their bodies in all shapes and sizes. I stayed with this message, even though my classes dwindled to almost no one. Still, I’d get calls from moms saying, ‘keep at it; my daughter needs to hear this!’ or ‘I don’t come to your classes but I watch all your videos, you’re amazing!’ I knew how important this message was. And I kept at it. Today, I truly feel like a trailblazer!”
And then, there is social media. No doubt, on Instagram or Snapchat, we will see top models looking gorgeous while heading to the gym, influencers showing off surgically enhanced buttocks and boobs, and friends with pretty drinks in hand, looking oh-so-happy, whether they are or not. How can we ever compare? The analyzers know this, and diligently do their jobs, presenting you with appropriate self-help ads, magical hair straightening tools and potions, clear skin red/blue or green light masks, weight loss pills and injections and “clean” meals delivered to your door. Of course, clothing ads follow, to show off your now perfect body, once you’ve taken advantage of all these fabulous offers. Help!
“FREEDOM IS BEING YOU WITHOUT ANYONE’S PERMISSION.”
Sari explains, “We were all born loving ourselves. Think of a little girl dancing full out in the mirror, loving herself completely. Suddenly, somewhere around puberty that changes. Hips start to expand, bellies round out, friends progress at slower or faster paces — and a new learned message sets in, ‘we are not perfect enough.’ Jane Fonda was iconic back when I was a teenager, in her high cut fluorescent bodysuit and legwarmers. She was thin and perfect, and she told us we could fix our bodies. I, among so many others believed her. Looking back, I see it as change, change, change! You’re not good enough as you are. Was the message to feel beautiful, or to feel thin? Are those words synonymous? Where was the freedom just to be?”
Sari’s docket is full these days, teaching The Body Positive Journey curriculum and Brain Health Positivity in each of our community’s high schools, coaching privately, online, and in groups large and small. She is also promoting her book, lifestyle and “zenSari” positive empowerment and body love brand. “Everyone is tired of perfection. In the schools I show up real. I’ll kick my shoes off and declare positive affirmations, asking them to repeat, and they do! I show them what it feels like to feel free, empowered, positive, smart, beautiful, and authentic. I want them to appreciate the face and the body they have; you may not look like everyone else, but you are who you are, and be proud of that. I like to listen, and let them speak about their pressures. I truly understand their feelings, and the more time we spend together, the more each girl is able to grow into a new empowered woman.”
“EATING DISORDERS ARE NEVER ACTUALLY ABOUT FOOD BUT ABOUT FILLING AN EMPTINESS THAT IS WITHIN US.”
Joanie, one of Sari’s first students, recalls, “I am a friend of Sari’s daughter, Yvette. We came to her house one day to try her mom’s program, and Sari had music blasting. We danced and did the affirmations. She had us reflect, and become aware of how we felt, and it was honestly the best experience I ever had. Years later, she introduced a class called, ‘brain health,’ during lunch, and a lot of us found that it really translated into life. Before a test, a group of us girls would make a circle and do the affirmations together and talk positively about ourselves. It worked! In those days I was shy, even insecure, but with Sari I was able to recognize my capabilities and realize the difference in thinking positively about myself. She gave us a new perspective, and through that lens, I changed, and grew. I would not be who I am without her. Now I’m very outgoing and confident. But this wasn’t always me. It was all from Sari.”
Sari provides an opportunity for girls, young and old, to feel good about whoever and whatever they are on any given day. She asks them to think before they do; is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Joy, a 15-year-old student reflects, “A lot of people in school don’t talk about mental health. Nobody wants to admit who they do, or don’t want to be, or how they see themselves in the mirror. I really look up to her.”
Rebecca, a Flatbush 10th grader explains, “Sometimes we do power poses, and they actually work! Sari makes me see the world in a different way. She helps me to walk through my day with positivity, self-worth and confidence. I’ve found that once you can see the world in a positive way, everything becomes sharper, and more attainable. Sari helps me to realize that I can do hard things.”
Diane, a young mom in Sari’s online course says, “I learned to love my body with all its imperfections, and that allows me to raise my daughter with a new mindset.” Sarah, a 40-year-old who has dieted since she was 8, explains, “The whole dieting and perfection thing is wrong. Sari’s teachings helped end my binge eating and exhausting dieting cycle. I honestly can’t believe it. This loving method works!”
“WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.”
“What I see,” says Liat Dahan, head of education for Project Safe, “is a truly healthy woman healing from a lifelong cycle of disordered eating. Sari is educating young girls that thinness doesn’t equal beautiful, but rather, confidence does, and that can only come from within. I recall one of the girls looking at her at the end of the session, saying, ‘I want to be confident like you are. That’s what I would love.’ To hear a 16-year-old say that to a woman over 50, that spoke volumes.”
In this tight knit community, there is much blessing to take advantage of and enjoy, but also high pressure to do it. Acceptance, impression; everyone’s burden is different, but it is all very important to us. Preparing physically and mentally is tiring, and often comes at a cost, not only monetarily, but for the body and soul. Sari’s methods provide a way off this treadmill we are all running on, at full speed. She has honestly shifted the narrative; instead of saying, ‘I need to be perfect,’ she’s telling us ‘you are already perfect.’ She is creating a space for each of us to be proud, and confident. Liat continues, “Through her classes, and now her book, it has become clear that we can feel comfortable in our own skin. Sari has a very special way in which she delivers that message to young girls. She sees herself in each of them and looks at them with love. They look up to her because they can sense that, and see that she is for real.”
Joanie, now in college, continues, “I was laughing, crying, and smiling reading Sari’s book. There is vulnerability, positivity and growth, and it was so inspiring. Looking at Sari, she’s the most positive, happy person. You would think her life is perfect, and never know what went on behind the scenes. Yes, she has confidence, and views herself positively, but the book showed me that she struggled to get there, like we all do. The beauty that is Sari Dana came with growth and hard work, and I can get to that place too. It is relatable. And the goals are achievable. It was very impactful.”
In her book, Sari says, “I knew I was here on purpose, for a purpose.” That line struck me, as I often feel the same. We all should. Sari’s journey has taught her, and now all of us, that it is worth spending more time on how and what we think, and the words and language we use. She continues, “I work with grown women, as well, who have been at constant war with food and their bodies, creating fear, stress and anxiety. This weighs us down! When how we think and feel on the inside becomes strong and positive, the outer appearance begins to match. That’s when the smiles grow wide and beautiful.” As a writer, I often put myself out there, and that’s not easy. I know that when I feel confident, I am braver. When I feel worthy, I stand taller. When I am happy, I am glowing. Bravo, Sari, for opening up our hearts and minds to possibilities; to shaping our own lives, and becoming the best versions of ourselves. There is a way out, and you have opened the door.
Writing this while in Aruba during winter break, seeing each and every girl look spectacular (you do), I cannot help but feel the pressure they are under to present themselves “perfectly.” This topic is so important!
Sophia Franco is a community member, mom and grandmother, author, poet and lyricist. Interviews for this piece were conducted by Gabrielle Greenstein, MDY senior.
