Is Your Child a Victim of Cyber Bullying?

Bullying has been present in schools forever. Back in the day, bullies stole lunch money and sometimes shoved a victim against or into his locker. Today there’s cyber bullying and it’s much scarier than having your lunch money stolen. In fact, it can be extremely serious.

Cyber bullying is the use of technology to torment, threaten, harass, embarrass and/or otherwise humiliate another person. Facebook and other social media can be used to take the bully’s message to a greater audience than ever before.

It’s easier to bully someone online, rather than face to face. There is less adult supervision governing online behavior. The Internet also provides a sense of anonymity that may lead individuals to behave more aggressively than they would in real life. Since the bully doesn’t see the victim’s immediate reaction, it’s easier for him to dehumanize the victim.

Cyber bullies have been known to impersonate a victim online, post personal information, photos, or videos designed to hurt or embarrass their victim. Victims are often afraid or embarrassed to tell their parents. Severe or chronic cyber bullying can leave victims at greater risk for anxiety, depression, and other stress-related disorders.

It’s not always easy to know how and when to step in as a parent. For starters, our kids tend to use technology differently than we do. Kids and teens today start playing games online and sending texts on their cell phones at an early age, and most teens have smart phones that keep them constantly connected to the Internet. Many are logged on to Facebook and chatting or sending text messages all day. Their knowledge of the digital world can be intimidating, but if you stay involved in your kid’s online world, just as you do in their real world, you can help protect them from online dangers. If your child has a Facebook account, or an account on any social media website, insist that he/she gives you access to it. They may feel like you’re invading their privacy, but it’s crucial to know what’s going on in your child’s cyber life.

Many kids and teens who are cyber bullied are reluctant to tell a teacher or parent, often because they feel ashamed of the social stigma, or because they fear their computer privileges will be taken away.

Cyber bullying affects boys and girls, adolescents and teens. The signs that a child is being cyber bullied vary, but a few things to look for are: emotional distress during or after using the Internet or the phone; being very protective or secretive of their digital life; withdrawal from friends and activities; avoidance of school or group gatherings; slipping grades and acting out in anger at home and changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite.

If you discover that your child is being cyber bullied, let him know that it’s not his fault, and that bullying says more about the bully than the victim. Talking to teachers or school administrators also may help, but take cues from your child.

Before reporting the problem, let your child know that you plan to do so, as he could have concerns about tattling and might prefer that the problem be handled privately. Many schools have established protocols for responding to cyber bullying.

Finding out that your child is being cyber bullied is heartbreaking because we all want our children to be happy. Finding out that your child is the bully is also extremely upsetting. It’s important to address the problem head on and not wait for it to go away by itself.

If your child is the bully, talk to him firmly about his actions and explain the negative impact it has on others. Bullying is unacceptable; there can be serious (and sometimes irrevocable) consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues.

Remind your child that the use of cell phones and computers is a privilege. Sometimes it helps to restrict the use of these devices until behavior improves. If you feel your child should have a cell phone for safety reasons, make sure it is a phone that can only be used for emergency purposes. Insist on strict parental controls on all devices if there is any history of your child making impulsive decisions when they are online.

Sometimes talking to teachers, guidance counselors, and other school officials can help identify situations that lead a kid to bully others. If your child has trouble managing anger, talk to a therapist about helping him learn to cope with anger, hurt, frustration, and other strong emotions in a healthy way.

Professional counseling often helps kids learn to deal with their feelings and improve their confidence and social skills, which in turn can reduce the risk of bullying. If you’re tech-savvy yourself, model good online habits to help your kids understand the benefits and the dangers of life in the digital world.